mixed signals and second date

[meisa]

Here is the short story. Suggestions are greatly appreciated since I haven’t been dating in a long time.

 

I met her at a business-related social event and we exchanged contacts.

A few days later, she started emailing and texting me about random stuff (what are u doing/what she is doing/etc). We start exchanging daily (often >1) emails. At some point, she writes me out of the blue she is single, which I thought was a good sign. A few days later I ask her out. We go out for coffee, we had great conversation, and stayed until closure, but no physical contact. We keep emailing daily (she even told me she bought a book we talked about) and then I ask her out again. We go for dinner and it goes well, perhaps not as great as the first date, but still lots of smiling, laughing and no awkward silences. I initiated a bit of physical contact (touching hands) but she seemed quite surprised and almost uncomfortable, and did not reciprocate in any way. Later she asks if the nearby park is still open, I ask if she wants to go for a walk and she agrees. When we get out of the restaurant, she says she is tired and wants to go home instead. I did pay for the bill so that was not the issue. Now I almost feel she didn't want to give me a chance to make a move. I am wondering if she simply didn't like our second date, she thought of me as a friend from the beginning or she just wants to take things very very slow. Suggestions on how to go from here?

[AsonUnique]

Good question. I was expecting you to ask "what's she thinking" like me and so many others tend to ask, which can only lead to us trying to guess and may lead you astray. Maybe she did enjoy the date but was tired, maybe she just wants to be friends, maybe she wants to take things slow...only she knows.

 

I can only say what I'd do in the situation. I'm not one to chase, if I get hints that a girl is not into me, I tend to run...perhaps too soon in many cases due to misinterpreting signals. But in your case, I'd just put the ball in her court by saying something like "had a great time, it'd be awesome if we could hang out again."

 

Are the e-mails and texts still happening? If so, continue them with more casual, funny talk to take any pressure off if there appears to be any.

It doesn't sound like you've come off desperate, keep it that way. If she wants to hang, great! If she's distancing herself, give her that distance and see where it goes from there.

[meisa]

Thanks for the advice! No more texts or emails from her today, so it's probably better to just move on. I must have blown the date completely without even realizing it, or maybe she didn't even think of it as a date. If there is some interest from her part, hopefully she will contact me again.

[AsonUnique]

Ok, keep it casual then unless she initiates more. Try not to over-analyze the date, sounds like it went ok and you presented yourself in a positive way...it's all you can do.

 

Think you'll look for another date soon (by trying to meet another girl), since you said you haven't been dating in a while?

[apple OR orange]

she thought of you as a friend from the start, she dated to see if it would change, and it didnt.

 

It would appear she knew very early on in the second date.

 

 

move on.

[mortensorchid]

I'd keep that casual as well.

[dbrown]

For now, treat her as a friend only. See whether she is again texting or emailing you. But don’t make the first move. If she will not, then it is clear that she is not interested in dating. If she texts you, then do a normal decent conversation. Try to be close to her, know her well and then start thinking about dating.

[meisa]

thanks everybody for the advice! She actually sent me a thank-you email today with some follow-ups thoughts on our dinner conversation. Not sure what this means, but as you all suggested, I'll just keep it casual and see where it goes.