youngnlove89 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 This past weekend, I had the best time ever! You all would be proud of me, there was not one moment that I wasn't with someone. My friend that I've known since I was 7 came down to visit and we had a blast together. It was good to see him again, since I hadn't seen him for a few years. But he went home today, and I'm back to normal. Last night I laid in bed missing my ex, craving him, aching for him. I pondered the idea of contacting to him, but I have remained strong and haven't. I'm fighting through this urges, but they are getting stronger. I hate it. It's like this constant anxiety. My friend gave me some xanax, but I'm hesitant to taking it. I have been keeping myself busy, this weekend is filled with plans, same with the next 2 weekends after. I get off early today and I'm going to go find a therapist and start talking to someone professionally. My roommate and my friend last night gave me a "heartbreak intervention" and convinced me nothing is wrong with therapy and they both have done and got the help they needed from it. Other than that, how did you get by? When these moments sneak up on you how do you get past them? Does it get easier after a long time of NC? I can't help but feel in denial that we will never see each other again, that we will never be together again...it hurts to think that way. P.S. I really think that in MY situation, it would be best to never speak to my ex again. Especially after what I've been through with him. Is that wrong? Is that mean? For those of you who know my story best, do you think that is best to never speak to him again?
Simon Phoenix Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I'm glad you are starting to be proactive in your healing. As for not contacting him again, it's not mean. It's what you need to do, at least for the time being. This is about you, not him. You need to do you and stop worrying about him. He doesn't worry about you at all. But I'm glad you are at least seriously considering taking real steps in this process. It's a sign of growth and maturity on your part and a willingness to really want to move forward. Keep moving in that direction.
KatZee Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Good job staying busy... But as for the rest, stop asking the same question over and over. You're not going to get any other answer. We've all told you COMPLETE NC from here on out, for over a year now. You still continue to put all your focus on HIM and whether or not it's "mean." When are you going to start giving a s.hit about YOURSELF? 1
na49 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I get off early today and I'm going to go find a therapist and start talking to someone professionally. Hooray! I want to give you a big hug! Do you realize how long "forever" is? Forever is forever. Once you're over him, you can talk to him again and consider being friends with him if you like him that much. Otherwise, you can go your separate ways. Live your life. He lives his. and see what happens. The thing about going NC is never going to find them. If they want to talk to you, they will. and nothing (not even blocking their number) will stop them. Have you blocked his number yet?
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 I have not blocked, I don't have the will power yet. Don't worry, he won't be contacting me anyways and I won't either. I know how you all feel about blocking, it's just something I can't do yet. I don't know why I haven't blocked him, maybe I'm in denial. I have no idea. I know I should, and I need to. I'm scared and I don't know why. Like I am terrified of blocking him. How the heck do I do it without regretting it? I have blocked him several times and then I go back and unblock him. The main question on here was how do you get through the low moments. They are still there even when I'm out trying to move on. How do you get past them? I hate that ache, the cold burning feeling in your chest, the anxiety...I don't want to feel that anymore.
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I get off early today and I'm going to go find a therapist and start talking to someone professionally. My roommate and my friend last night gave me a "heartbreak intervention" and convinced me nothing is wrong with therapy and they both have done and got the help they needed from it. I officially love your roommate and friend more than anybody in this world. This is the best news I've heard all day and I am sooo proud of you!! Other than that, how did you get by? When these moments sneak up on you how do you get past them? Does it get easier after a long time of NC? I can't help but feel in denial that we will never see each other again, that we will never be together again...it hurts to think that way. Denial is a stage of grief. It's okay to hang out there for awhile, but you'll have to get ready for the follow up stages. Yes, one day you won't give a flying fig about this guy. Here is my go to list when I'm going through a difficult time. 1. Must shower and get ready for the day within 2 hours of waking up so you are not tempted to lay on the couch all day vegging out to TV. Sitting around doing nothing allows you too much time in your head. Necessary sometimes, but don't fall into that trap. 2. Go to the gym. It's just a fact that you will feel better after exercise and it's good for you. It doesn't hurt your self confidence that you might even shave off a few pounds or tone up a bit. 3. Write down your thoughts and feelings. In a journal, on a blog, anywhere. Sometimes I just need to get the rambling thoughts out of my head so I can better manage my feelings. Be honest in your writings. 4. Take a walk or sit outside for a half hour to hour. The daylight will do you good. 5. Renew your interest in a past hobby or go out and learn something new. I used to quilt and scrapbook in my 20s but allowed my career, relationships, and life to let them fall by the wayside in my 30s. I'm getting back into quilting and I signed up for a photography class, something I have always wanted to do. 6. Go to the local farmer's market and wander around. 7. Get out and volunteer. I do this anyway and it really helps put your own issues into perspective while empowering you through helping others. 8. Write down 5 long term life goals and 5 short term life goals. Think about how you're going to get there and map it out. Now is a good time to straighten out your finance goals as well. 9. Stay away from alcohol, nicotine, or other toxic substances. Right now you need to take care of yourself by eating healthy and taking vitamins. Drink lots of water! 10. Write a list of what you want in a relationship. Write a list of what traits you could improve in yourself for the next relationship. Write a list of things about yourself in the last relationship that you didn't like and would like to do differently. Write a list of what you want in your next partner. Keep these lists short. They will be eye opening and help you to focus on how to be a better partner and contribute to a better relationship. 11. Have a couple trusted friends who you can call or who can come over and listen to you cry any time day or night. Rotate these friends as you don't want to burn them out from listening to you obsess about the guy. Maybe gift them with a massage or mani/pedi to thank them for their support. 12. Write an action plan of these or other things you will do to get on with your life and focus on your. Paste a copy of this action plan on your bathroom mirror so you see it daily. Read it daily. You have to fill that void in yourself that thoughts of your ex are occupying. Discover who you are and what you love to do. Not only will you feel better, it will make you more attractive to somebody else in the future. Be easy on yourself. Time really does help to heal a broken heart. But take advantage of this low point to learn about yourself, learn how to love yourself, and learn how you want to live your life. 1
BrokenHeartsClub Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I'm super new here (as you can tell), so I have no idea what you have been through with said hombre, but way to stick to the NC thing. That's usually the hardest part. Especially those drunk dial nights :-/ I like aisuru's suggestions all of them are good. Particularly the journal and volunteering ones. Volunteering will let you meet new people (which is key when getting out of a break up). New people means new and different things to think about. Journals help because it gets it out of your head and somewhere else for a minute, super helpful IMO. Staying busy is good too. Leaving yourself without time to think about things to much makes the days go by waaaay faster. Don't know you that well, but it sounds like you are making progress in your journey.... so don't stop now!
na49 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Well I think you don't want to block him for the same reason I didn't want to block my ex. You want to leave the door open just a crack. As much as you hate hearing from him, you love hearing from him. Just knowing he thought of you, and wanted to call you or text you is enough at this point. You're scared because it really closes the door on him and unless he really wants to try knocking it down, you'll never know if he tried to reach out. Blocking him and then unblocking him isn't doing you any favors. Block him and keep him blocked! You won't burst into flames or have meteors rain down on your house. The world won't stop spinning. He just won't be able to call you or text you on his phone. but I know how you feel, so block him when you're ready. I really just hope you block him eventually and keep him blocked. The block will wear off after 90 days anyway (at least mine did) 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 I'm super new here (as you can tell), so I have no idea what you have been through with said hombre, but way to stick to the NC thing. That's usually the hardest part. Especially those drunk dial nights :-/ I like aisuru's suggestions all of them are good. Particularly the journal and volunteering ones. Volunteering will let you meet new people (which is key when getting out of a break up). New people means new and different things to think about. Journals help because it gets it out of your head and somewhere else for a minute, super helpful IMO. Staying busy is good too. Leaving yourself without time to think about things to much makes the days go by waaaay faster. Don't know you that well, but it sounds like you are making progress in your journey.... so don't stop now! Thanks. It's 50/50 now. One hour, I'm doing great, the next I'm not. Staying busy has really helped me. I just force myself to stay busy now, even though most of the time I want to crawl in bed and never come out. I hate this. It's not fair! lol
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Well I think you don't want to block him for the same reason I didn't want to block my ex. You want to leave the door open just a crack. As much as you hate hearing from him, you love hearing from him. Just knowing he thought of you, and wanted to call you or text you is enough at this point. You're scared because it really closes the door on him and unless he really wants to try knocking it down, you'll never know if he tried to reach out. Blocking him and then unblocking him isn't doing you any favors. Block him and keep him blocked! You won't burst into flames or have meteors rain down on your house. The world won't stop spinning. He just won't be able to call you or text you on his phone. but I know how you feel, so block him when you're ready. I really just hope you block him eventually and keep him blocked. The block will wear off after 90 days anyway (at least mine did)' You hit it spot on. That is why. :/ Sorry I thought you got back with your ex Na? I need to catch up on your story.
na49 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 ' You hit it spot on. That is why. :/ Sorry I thought you got back with your ex Na? I need to catch up on your story. Don't apologize lol. You're normal! and I did. Not much catching up to do, we've been back together for almost 2 months. Things are solid right now.
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Don't apologize lol. You're normal! and I did. Not much catching up to do, we've been back together for almost 2 months. Things are solid right now. UGH. You lucky son of a gun, you! So if you had her blocked, how did she get a hold of you? Not that I'm hoping or anything...
na49 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 UGH. You lucky son of a gun, you! So if you had her blocked, how did she get a hold of you? Not that I'm hoping or anything... She'd been contacting my brother (who didn't tell me about it because he thought I was over her) and eventually the phone block wore off and I didn't reblock her so she was able to get through.
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 She'd been contacting my brother (who didn't tell me about it because he thought I was over her) and eventually the phone block wore off and I didn't reblock her so she was able to get through. There is an expiration date for blocking? Not on my service, they stay blocked until I unblock them. Anyways, good for you. I hope it lasts forever now!
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 OK, YNL... How long have you now been NC? Congrats!! You've started the road to recovery and now it's just a matter of time (and some work, too). Whenever you feel weak, just remember that contacting him will set you back to square 1. And that sucks, right? Keep up the good work!!
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