amymac Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 My husband was involved in swinging with previous wives for nine years. He stopped this activity five years ago. I met him almost four years ago and we would watch porn on occasion while having sex. We married 4 months ago and recently the porn has increased 95%. I don't feel much intamacy now. My question is with his past sex addiction, is watching porn harmful for him? Outside of this problem we have a wonderful relationship and open comunication. Please help, amymac
pinnicle10 Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 I think porn is healthy. It allows a person to live out a fantasy without really performing it. Use it to your advantage and enjoy it with him. Think about making some of it actually come true and you will see your sex life blossom. Be adventurous!!!
FolderWife Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 It depends on both partners. Is the only problem that you have with porn that he wants to watch it when you have sex? Is it that it's increased in it's occurances? Do you feel jealous of porn? In my marriage, it was poison. My husband couldn't have sex with me, because he'd go soft, but he could look at porn. It was bad. We got rid of porn, and now our marriage is healthy. It sux, because I liked porn not any more though
isO Posted October 2, 2004 Posted October 2, 2004 Personally, I love porn and think that it can be a great enhancement in a relationship. I'm initially v. careful who I share my love of porn with though... more often times than not it might be just me and my female friends oohing and ahhing and giggling over it because we're all curious and nonjudgemental that way - maybe it's a female thing? Guys tend to think that what you download is always what you're "into", which can sometimes be far from the truth! One of the things that I hate about porn is that it can cause unrealistic expectations about sex and physical attributes. Which is why I always advocate the amateuer "warts and all" stuff LOL In regards to amymac's post though, could it be that your hubby is missing his former free-wheeling swinging ways? And reliving them through the porn vicariously? You say that you have a wonderful relationship and open comunication except for this... even if the two of you have decided that that chapter has ended in his life, it doesn't necc. change what turns him on. If you're not willing to swing with him then be firm about it, but I don't think it would hurt to indulge his fantasies once in awhile by watching these videos with him? Then again that could end up opening a Pandora's box.... I don't know. You'll have to just trust your gut instincts I suppose. And him.
SoleMate Posted October 3, 2004 Posted October 3, 2004 You see a close connection between porn use and lack of intimacy between you two. If so, then yes, porn usage IS a problem. Probably not the root cause, but definitely a substantial component and contributing factor. And yes, if he is a diagnosed sex addict, I am surprised that his treatment and maintenance plan includes unrestricted access to porn. That sounds like handing a fifth of liquor to a recovered alcoholic.
mymojo Posted October 3, 2004 Posted October 3, 2004 You married a guy with a clear history of wanting/needing/enjoying a wide variety of sexual stimuli within his relationships,even during his marriage and now you're wringing your hands getting yourself worked up over porn?
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