4 year relationship ... it's been almost 7 months after the BU ... still hurting

[ihateher83]

to sum up everything.. ( ill be short )

 

def. would like some input or advice

 

i'm 29 ...

she is going to be 22 in june

we were in a 4 year relationship

things were amazing ... of coarse with it's ups and downs but great

after i would say 2 years in .. she was diagnosed with leukemia ... i was there for her everyday ... went to the hospital, stuck by her when no one really did , you name etc...

i won't sugar coat and say i was perfect .. i would curse at her.. she would curse at me .. we would fight ... argue about non sense .. but there was a great connection ....

i would say a little over 2 years in ... i started to loose my self ... i was always miserable with people and life ... hating on everyone ... had no ambition ... didn't have a job... didn't even look for one .. wasn't in school ... and just wasn't myself ...

i was loving but not as i should of been ... i would never say i love you or i miss you ... it was just a mess ( i didn't really ever say it ever in the relationship ) ... but i was a decent bf ... I PROMISE .. there wasn't anything i wouldn't do for her ...

with that being said ... more so in the last years of our relationship ... we fought a lot ... i complained about my crap job in retail ... tried to applied to med school but it didn't work out , i guess deep down i felt it wasn't for me ... and just it all didn't go well

more towards october ... she asked for a brake "i think we need a brake"... i was like ehaaa okay , we discussed how she wanted to go away to college and asked if i wanted to move with her .. blah blah ... she said how shes staying here cause she loved me ... it was just a big jumble of things spoken about .. we both kind of cried .. she walked in her house ... 3 days later i'm all like "noooooooooo this can't be .." we agree'd to meet up ... we both cried .. i said i have changed ... everything will be fine .... well it was a lie ... i haven't changed ..just the thought of loosing her was scary as hell!!! ...

my father was diagnosed with lung cancer ..shortly after ..

i finally start opening up to her . becoming more sweet etc...

things just didn't seem right with her ...

hurricane sandy hit the state of new york , where i live .. my basement went to hell .. lost tons of stuff ...

me and her are on the rocks at this point .... were on and off like everyday you can tell she just isn't fully in this with me anymore but , she i guess lingered .... we finally met up again ... i apologized for me being the way i have been ... it seemed like we were back to loving again ... i wound up going back to her house and staying there ( my house had no power due to hurricane sandy ) ... long story even shorter ... i wound up staying at my ex's for a week ... worked with her father ( hes a on call doctor ) and things seemed not bad... then one night she was in shower and i felt something weird come over me .... and was like hmmmm wtf ... so i decided to check her phone ..

guess what i find ... her and her friend talking about how if my ex is wanting to go further with this guy she speaks with at school ..

my ex told her nah they are just friends ...

she comes out and i'm like who so and so .. and things can very awkward... she then told me hes this guy and they been speaking ... he also has a rocky relationship ( hes 32 ) doesn't matter but he told her that hes living with his girl of 4 years and there relationship is on the rocks as well .... a week of them just hanging out she told me he made a pass on her , trying to kiss her .. she said she didn't kiss him back and moved away ...( who knows what to believe ) ... things got intense .. i stayed calm .. told her i love her and i don't want to give up but wish she would of told me ... she went on to tell me she wasn't happy she cried i'm like we can make this work blah blah blah ... so we then made up .. ( we did this like 3 times me living at her house for the time being )

we laid in her bed ... and it was like nothing happened .. we smiled talked about stuff ... it was just good .. the next two days were awesome.... i noticed i was coming off very needy clingy ...

long story short ..

the next night i said something that made her upset ... she was so upset by it ... didn't get a kiss just a hug .. went downstairs to sleep ... , i knew something wasn't right .. the next day i drove her to school ... and then went to go work with her father .. texted her asking if shes okay ... cause she didn't text me ike she usually does ... and bam ... it's done , she doesn't want to be with me ..

cried like a baby .. pleding , begging you name it ... i did it .. then went off being a a-hole ... blah blah maybe it's the right thing to do ...

that night my friend drove me to pick up my stuff at her house , shes crying ... gives me a kiss on the lips .. tells me the money from working with her dad is in my backpack ...

this was nov.

since then ... i did the begging and pleading the first couple of weeks ... did the no contact ..... did the text your ex program ( doesn't work ) ... did NC at least 3 times .. i would say a month or more each ...

bumped into her a few times ...that got awkward after a few times ... told her i could be friends , she said she can't , at least not right now ... "she doesn't feel comfortable" ...

this was in the beg. of march .

did some TXB texts .. and 2 weeks ago got a response "you need to stop"

 

she is in a relationship with someone ( since the beg of apirl, but probably have been talking for longer ) ... and mind you, hes a ex bf she dated for like a month or 2 in J.H.S. so yeah ...

they say that a rebound is usually happens after a few weeks after a brake up ... but they made it official after 6ish months after the BU ... could that should be a rebound or does this seem more like a legit relationship ... so now i'm back and forth hurting ...

i'm up and then i'm down ...

 

my apology for the terrible way to explain myself ...i'm not much of a writer so i do apologize ...

 

if anyone can help me or give me some advice .. or hope ... i would def. appreciate it , i really would

i know time will heal and i will grow stronger ... and i have but every so often i get very lonely and i just miss her ...

but yeah ... thanks for anyone reading this

[ihateher83]

no one ?

[aisuru]

This is going to be hard for you to hear.

 

She's moved on. It's time for you to accept this, heal yourself, and move on for you.

 

There is a lot of information on these boards between people's experiences and their advice about how to do this.

 

You're not going to win her back. Considering all the back and forth toward the end of your relationship, it likely ran it's course and it's not revivable. Sometimes that's just the tough break.

 

You must stop contacting her since she has asked you to. You are placing her in an uncomfortable position and it's not fair to either of you.

 

Time for you to pick up your self respect and put yourself first.

 

You'll make it through this.