cdt76 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I haven't been here in awhile. Seems that thinking about the past affects my mood to the point that it becomes unhealthy for me. But a couple of things have come up recently that have weighed on me. A few years ago, I cut just about everyone out of my life that didn't add to it. I had a close friend who was apart of that cutting and I haven't spoken to him in 2 years. Our friendship was more based on his time schedule and needs and basically whenever I needed help, he was busy. So bye bye. He hit me up on Facebook last week. Apparently his wife cheated and now they are getting divorced and he lost his job and is unemployed again. Tough situation. I didn't bring up the past just said I'm sorry for his troubles and if he ever comes to town we should catch up over a beer. I guess he now understands what I went through. Then another friend calls me up and provides me with some negative insight into the life of my ex girlfriend. It was unsolicited and I know the guy isn't trying to stir up issues for me. He has good intentions and he knows how much I care(D) for her. I want to save her. I want to walk in pick her up and throw her in the car and bring her home to a nice safe and stable life. I miss her and I miss her baby. I'd like to be able to forgive the people who have hurt me in the past. I can forgive my friend, I think. And I think if I could forgive him, it would go a long way to healing the one part of me that continues to be haunted by the past. So I've felt down for the last couple of days. Mentally, I think of her and her situation and it hurts that she chooses to live like she is, instead of being with me. As for my friend, I hope he can come to town and have that beer. 1
Author cdt76 Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Thank you and I appreciate the kind words. I guess if I found someone fantastic to focus on, then I wouldn't be focused on the past. Unfortunately, that hasn't happened. So I'm down and in a rut. It sucks.
BustedUpInside Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 It does suck when old memories surface and these threaten our stability in the present. You do seem like a very caring person who just had to eliminate people in your life who were taking advantage of your kind personality. It is ok to be sad about the past. I think something that might help is to make a clear distinction between now and then. As in, then I had lots of negative influences in my life who were using me for my resources and then not reciprocating when I needed the same help. NOW, I live more for myself. I do this so I am able to help those who really need it and so that I will be able to take care of myself too. So even if you have some days now where you feel you are stuck in a rut or not improving as quickly as you hoped you would, you still are doing better than the past. Because now, everyone in your life is a caring person who values your friendship and you aren't wasting time and energy on people who take you for granted. That is a huge step that you should be really proud of.
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