sillyanswer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Yeah nothing like having someone holding your hand while on a date. If you need your friends there all the time to stop you from having sex to early, you shouldn't be dating. It used to be called a chaperone.
gaius Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Well if i do go how should i go about it? The movie comes out this Friday. She normally works Fridays and Saturdays (she told me this a month ago). We haven't texted sincr the one time i mentioned after we exchanged numbers. My last text to her was a something funny i told her, she responded like 30min later with "lmao thats funny". That was almost like at like 3am Saturday.. The other texts before that were a lot quicker but we didn't say too much tho it was already about 2am when we texted. I didnt reply to lmao thats funny text. Should i text her? Wait and see if she'll text me? Go to the restaurant Friday and talk to her? bison, you've already hung around this girl a ton in the restaurant so she's seen you around other people. You were playing tricks on her sister with her right? It's irrelevant if she wants to hook you up with her sister or not, it's what YOU want that counts. If you want to date HER then ask HER to the movies alone like I said before. Take charge and make what you want to happen happen. If I were you, I would memorize the times the movie is playing, go see her in person, inquire about the rest of her schedule then ask her to a specific time when you know she's free. Unless you actually want her sister. Then go after the sister instead. If she still wants to bring the sister then tag along and make the most out of it. It doesn't mean she doesn't want and will never want you, it just means she isn't ready to blow you in the theater right then and there. Christ guys don't even want to put in 5 minutes of work anymore. It's actually worth it for the right woman. Maybe it works out and maybe it doesn't but at least you'll have made the effort.
HuffmanMontana Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I would go and see what happens. Just be prepared to not be the center of attention which isn't a bad thing. Tag along, interact with her friends and get them to like you but don't be a putz about it.
todreaminblue Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 just because she brings friends to chaperone does not necessarily mean she isnt interested in anything besides a platonic friendship...it could mean she may have nerves or shyness......one thing is she has expressed, that you have written, is that she is interested in you to her friends and by the sounds of it her sister....that has set you apart from say, male friends she may have......take the date, suffer with the friends and or family........who knows you may just have an awesome time.......and for the second date suggest somewhere alone maybe but public, she sounds shy......give her time to settle......not every female gets you alone and jumps you to prove they are interested....some actually take "chaperones"to keep the date honest as a first time date...........i wish you well....deb
LuckyLady13 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 #1 - You read way too much into some very polite and basic interaction between you and a waitress. She's at work and had some polite conversation with you but you took it a bit too far and now you've got a shot at going to the movies with her so GO! When I worked as a bartender, I made polite conversation with people but especially the regulars. Many read too far into it and asked me to go out with them. I wasn't interested in any of them so I always said no. Bartending is a lot like waitressing as far as getting to know customers day in and day out and getting to know the regulars, getting a bit bored and trying to have some conversations throughout your shift to stay sane. If I EVER said I'd go to the movies with one of the regulars, it's because I'm curious about him and somewhat interested and if I invited friends, it's because I don't know the guy and I'm not going to be going anywhere with a guy alone I don't know. I think she's curious about you and wants to get to know you to see if she might really like you and want to date you. If you don't go with her and her friends, you're missing out! I just posted in another thread about guys who misunderstand some polite conversation and jump the gun but she would've flat out said no if she wasn't at least curious about you. Let her get to know you. That's what she's trying to do here. A lot of guys are afraid of the "friend zone" but it's not something to be afraid of. Sure, there are plenty of women who are looking for a ONS or FWB and couldn't care less to get to know you at all but there are also plenty of women who are serious about relationships and dating and being exclusive and making SURE you two are compatible first. She wants to feel you out and see who you really are outside of her job. Let her if you like her! 1
Author bisonsf4 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) #1 - You read way too much into some very polite and basic interaction between you and a waitress. She's at work and had some polite conversation with you but you took it a bit too far and now you've got a shot at going to the movies with her so GO! When I worked as a bartender, I made polite conversation with people but especially the regulars. Many read too far into it and asked me to go out with them. I wasn't interested in any of them so I always said no. Bartending is a lot like waitressing as far as getting to know customers day in and day out and getting to know the regulars, getting a bit bored and trying to have some conversations throughout your shift to stay sane. If I EVER said I'd go to the movies with one of the regulars, it's because I'm curious about him and somewhat interested and if I invited friends, it's because I don't know the guy and I'm not going to be going anywhere with a guy alone I don't know. I think she's curious about you and wants to get to know you to see if she might really like you and want to date you. If you don't go with her and her friends, you're missing out! I just posted in another thread about guys who misunderstand some polite conversation and jump the gun but she would've flat out said no if she wasn't at least curious about you. Let her get to know you. That's what she's trying to do here. A lot of guys are afraid of the "friend zone" but it's not something to be afraid of. Sure, there are plenty of women who are looking for a ONS or FWB and couldn't care less to get to know you at all but there are also plenty of women who are serious about relationships and dating and being exclusive and making SURE you two are compatible first. She wants to feel you out and see who you really are outside of her job. Let her if you like her! Thanks for this. Part of me wonders though if I caught her off guard or if she would be too shy to say no. Though she could've just said "sorry i have a bf" whether or not she has one. Are girls usually ready to reject when these situations come up? It wasn't just the conversation, I just kind of felt something with her, and there are just subtle things that can be put into words like the way she looks at me, her demeanor etc. Trust me I go out to eat alot of met alot of people especially women. Just one example- I go to tilted kilt and the hostess there(she doesnt get tipped) made me a valentines card, constantly touches me, likes every photo my bro puts of me on instagram (i dont have one) and like 5 % of his, she commented on one of pics "you guys are cute :)". She has posted on my FB wall and mine only asking me to come keep her company etc and one time even posted on my bros wall asking for my ph#. But she is too young (17) and I know she is a tease lol. Though I do think the way Ashley told me about how she wished she asked for my name the one time was kind of a big deal, sounded like she was actually anxious about it. I completely forgot the incident by the time she brought that up. Also the fact that it sounds like her and her sister talk about me outside of work. Remember as I said this restaurant is generally very busy. Hmm call or text? Whatever I do itll probably be tomorrow. Edited May 22, 2013 by bisonsf4
LuckyLady13 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Are girls usually ready to reject when these situations come up? Unless she just started waitressing a week ago or something, she's used to in the very least giving guys the brush off by saying she has a boyfriend, like you said. It's the easiest thing to say to be polite, ya know? It sounds like she does want to check you out and if I were you, I'd make sure I'm totally cool with her friends or sister or anybody who she wants to bring along. Because by the end of the night, if she likes you, she might be trying to give them the brush off to spend time alone with you! Text or call. Either way...just keep things light and friendly.
Geiss Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 #1 If I EVER said I'd go to the movies with one of the regulars, it's because I'm curious about him and somewhat interested and if I invited friends, it's because I don't know the guy and I'm not going to be going anywhere with a guy alone I don't know. ! Don't mean to hijack the thread here but are you telling me that you have never gone out with a guy before that you did'nt know? So if someone came up to you and asked for your number you would say no all the time? Sorry I don't know you. So how do you meet someone? For the OP I wouldn't go through with it. I would tell her I don't want to go out with her friends, just her and if she says no then you know she's not interested. Personally I would hate that and would feel pretty awkward going out with a whole bunch of people I don't know. I have no problem going out with a girl I don't know but not her and her friends. F that. I don't think so.
CARL45 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Some people on this board are either very optimistic or very dumb. When a woman says she wants to invite her friends she is basically saying she doesn't trust you. If I were you I would tell her thanks,but no thanks and call it a day. To many men allow women to get away with this kind of silly behavior and not say anything about it.
Keenly Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Move on. If she wanted to go on a date with you , she wouldn't have invited others. That's the entire purpose of the first few dates. Get to know each other on an intimate, 1 on 1 level.
Veronica2025 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 You'll never know unless you go. That's all it boils down to. Because we don't have the mind of this girl. If I were in your shoes, I would go. Worst case scenario : I saw a movie I wanted to see. And just in case, bring one of your guys along because you don't want to be the only male in a circle of girls. It may appear good but there may be girl talk( just girls talking with you there) ,they are going to cling to one another .... So bring a buddy, maybe he'll click with someone, you save face if things don't go as expected, you'll have guy talk while girl talk is in progress ... Maybe none of this will happen but you'll never know unless you go or snip it in the corner by just asking.
Author bisonsf4 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 (edited) Yeah honestly, I don't see much point in not going. I think I am better off trying. She and I have talked but she doesn't actually know me too well. She could be doing this just because she is shy or whatever. Worst case scenario the night kind of sucks, oh well. Unless someone thinks this will perma-friendzone me and my chances will be better blowing it off for now. I am actually pretty fat right now, but losing weight. My chances will be much better once I am finished. Edited May 22, 2013 by bisonsf4
Shepp Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I don't see that it means she dosent like you! 1. Do u know this people who are supposedly going are actually going & she wasn't jst saying that cause you were both doing the "cool & casual" thing 2. I think it's better for you that it's sister & friends not just sister got her own friends to entertain her, you having to entertain the both all night would be pretty platonic 3. To be fair to her your practically a stranger - you could be restaurant-guy by day mad-axe-guy by night! Although saying that the matchmaker things a possibility too. My brother dated (and married now) a girl who always used to wait our table, she acted a bit like that - she used to come over for a chat even when she wasn't waitressing for us.
Treasa Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Sorry i meant she didn't ask Jenny about going to the movies with me because that was all one conversation between me and Ashley at the end of the dinner. They have talked about me outside of work it seems. In the original post i mentioned how Ashley asked me about something I told Jenny when Jenny was our waitress a few days earlier (Ashley wasn't there that day). Oh, you sweet dolt. I mean discussed you before this, and if her sister likes you, she'd know to seal the deal and then tell her sister that she secured something. Women are crafty and do a lot of things that you aren't aware of. And we can have full conversations with each other in the presence of men without even opening our mouths. Anyway, I have no idea what the true motives are, and neither does anyone else. However, go and be charming to everyone. Don't flirt necessarily, but go and have a good time and let them see how awesome you are, and then OBSERVE CAREFULLY.
RedRobin Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Don't mean to hijack the thread here but are you telling me that you have never gone out with a guy before that you did'nt know? So if someone came up to you and asked for your number you would say no all the time? Sorry I don't know you. So how do you meet someone? For the OP I wouldn't go through with it. I would tell her I don't want to go out with her friends, just her and if she says no then you know she's not interested. Personally I would hate that and would feel pretty awkward going out with a whole bunch of people I don't know. I have no problem going out with a girl I don't know but not her and her friends. F that. I don't think so. Of course, men have much less to worry about when going out with a new person than women do. \ I might give a man my number, but no, I do not go out with a man I don't know one-on-one anymore. I only agree to date men in my social circle whose reputation I can validate in advance.
salparadise Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I won't go on a 'date' with a man I haven't witnessed in person around other people first... And don't forget to mention the part about requiring a credit check. Do you have your own account with the credit bureau or do you have them pull one themselves and bring it with them?
salparadise Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 OP, another possibility is that she is unsure, or got the impression, about it being a friendly offer to see the movie and hang out. I think you should just tell her straight up that you're asking her out on a date. If she's 20 there is the possibility that most of her dating experience has been within the context of her group. It's also possible that little sister is crushing on you and Ashley is generously trying to give her a chance. If that's the case, and assuming you're interested in Ashley and not the sister, you really need to make it clear that you're asking Ashely out. In this scenario, if you go out with the group and the sister, and the sister is encouraged and becomes more invested, you may never get a shot with Ashley. But if you make it clear from the beginning perhaps it will be fine.
MidwestUSA Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 And don't forget to mention the part about requiring a credit check. Do you have your own account with the credit bureau or do you have them pull one themselves and bring it with them? You forgot the criminal background check 1
Treasa Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 You forgot the criminal background check Oh, you beat me to it.
Author bisonsf4 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Ok so i am going to do this over text....should I offer a specific date/time, or just ask when shed be available this weekend to see it? If i mentioned a specific date/time, and she says she cant go for whatever reason and doesnt make a suggest another date/time should i just leave it alone and assume she is not interested? or suggest one more date/time?
Author bisonsf4 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) This was all for naught...lol I try to set the time, and she basically said she can go when her boyfriend can lol. She never mentioned him before, and im surprised she didnt mention him when i initially asked her... so i think she is lying about the boyfriend and I mustve caught her off guard then or something. Maybe she saw these posts and my yahoo post on this subject with my luck lol. Oh well... this sucks. Edited May 23, 2013 by bisonsf4
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