hw172 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 So after about a month and a half of NC I convinced myself to contact my ex after drinking a bit, just to see how she was doing. Well all this gradually turned into me confessing how I still had feelings for her, and getting responses back that didn't quite match. She said she still cares about me and always will etc. I had a good phone call with her today, well it wasn't dramatic i guess, but we caught up and she basically said that I am really the best guy she knows but that it wasn't quite all there when we were together. I told her about how i've improved on some of her previous concerns, but of course that probably didn't do much. But after hearing that it wasn't "quite all there" between us, I asked "So are you 100% that you and i don't quite have enough chemistry or whatever to work?" She said she can't put a number on it exactly but definitely greater than 50%. Ahh, I was really hoping to just know that she thought we were never going to work out. I even said it sounds like you know we will never work out. And of course she said "never say never, we just don't know". So now I have hope again, and we even discussed possibly getting coffee and catching up. It doesn't help that she said she had a huge fight with her bf and pretty much broke up. She said things are now weird with them. Honestly I don't feel bad after our conversation like i usually do after breaking NC. But having hope again could be clouding my judgement. ****. Why can't i just move on. It's so hard. Any help is always appreciated. Best of luck to you all.
BustedUpInside Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Awwww, that is a terrible feeling. I hate when I am just stuck in limbo waiting for something I want, knowing that it might never happen, but just having that little sliver of hope that it will. That little sliver will make it so that you never can move completely on. To be completely honest though, I think she made it pretty clear that you guys are not going to get back together. My advice to treat this last meeting as the final meeting. You should really think about going No Contact. I think it would really help you put everything in perspective. Rather than focusing on getting your ex back or pining over her every response, you could decide if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who was "never really there" during your previous connection. I know how much it hurts to acknowledge that the person you want most in the world may not be returning those feelings, but it will hurt a lot more if you allow yourself to believe that there is hope of getting back together only to have her tell you that she is dating someone else. I hope that you will be able to get everything straight because you deserve to be happy, regardless of whether that is with your ex or with someone new.
Author hw172 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Awwww, that is a terrible feeling. I hate when I am just stuck in limbo waiting for something I want, knowing that it might never happen, but just having that little sliver of hope that it will. That little sliver will make it so that you never can move completely on. To be completely honest though, I think she made it pretty clear that you guys are not going to get back together. My advice to treat this last meeting as the final meeting. You should really think about going No Contact. I think it would really help you put everything in perspective. Rather than focusing on getting your ex back or pining over her every response, you could decide if you really want to be in a relationship with someone who was "never really there" during your previous connection. I know how much it hurts to acknowledge that the person you want most in the world may not be returning those feelings, but it will hurt a lot more if you allow yourself to believe that there is hope of getting back together only to have her tell you that she is dating someone else. I hope that you will be able to get everything straight because you deserve to be happy, regardless of whether that is with your ex or with someone new. Thanks for your response. It's just so hard when they genuinely tell you that they think you are so amazing or whatever and they really wished it would've worked. Ah why couldn't she just say that she was sure that we wouldn't work out? I mean it's to the point where she seems to be completely honest and isn't trying to let me down easy anymore. I guess nothings impossible is what she really might be saying. How do you give up hope? It's so hard. I'm so sick of feeling down, alone, and missing her. Some days aren't bad at all, and then some days i just feel so down. I had an addiction to heroin 5 years ago and have been clean since but on those hard days it crosses my mind. I hate it. I know it won't help anything, but sometimes it seems unbearable. There has got to be a way to lose hope. I feel if i had zero hope of us together I would heal better. I've gone NC, but only over a month at most. It's been almost 5 since BU, but doesnt seem that long due to constant breaking of NC. She mentioned that me not talking to her made it seem like i completely moved on and didn't have feelings for her anymore. I tried to make it clear that me doing this is for me to heal and she will always be special to me. I wonder if I'm being too nice.
RogerWallace111 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Rough man, feel for ya. I've found/observed that once a relationship's over, it's over- even if the couple give it a second shot (or like 3 in my case ). And that's even be when both people go in gun ho, feeling sure they want to try again. Things could go back to "normal" for a year and, the way I see it, 99% of the time the underlying issues/unsureness will arise again to end it. My point being, even if she was crying & begging to give things another chance it would likely be a doomed endeavor (I gave in to that twice ). As pessimistic as it may seem, I'd basically suggest looking at the prospect of reuniting as a non-option. To the point that you tell yourself, unrealistic as it may be, that even if she were begging, you wouldn't try again. Because it would inevitably prolong the f*cking of your emotions. Thus, it doesn't matter if she acts wishy-washy or says things that lead you to believe it may not definitely be over, because whether it's now or later, it pretty much is.
RogerWallace111 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 And basically the only way to really give up hope is to not be in touch with her for so long that the finality of it naturally sinks in and along the way you've become adjusted to it. And yeah, stay away from using any drugs to cope, particularly those of the super-addictive variety. You'll be ok man. Seriously. You f*ckin will. The sooner you stop talking to her the sooner you'll reach that point. It can be a daunting, scary thing, but it will get easier with time. 2
Author hw172 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 And basically the only way to really give up hope is to not be in touch with her for so long that the finality of it naturally sinks in and along the way you've become adjusted to it. And yeah, stay away from using any drugs to cope, particularly those of the super-addictive variety. You'll be ok man. Seriously. You f*ckin will. The sooner you stop talking to her the sooner you'll reach that point. It can be a daunting, scary thing, but it will get easier with time. Thanks so much man. You're post was really sincere and it helped. It's so weird, after talking to her a few days ago and having a decent conversation without it getting dramatic, i've felt okay. I hope it's not just the false hope that's boosted my mood. Best of luck to you and your recovery!
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