phineas Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I don't know if I've got a stick up my but but there's an attractive young women that works in the hardware store next to where I work and some guy in his late 30's to early 40's was making sexual innuendos with her and she's 19! I see her a lot because we're constantly getting things from there and she seems cool and such. It was pretty full on and she laughed but my thinking is I'm about 12 years older than her and I wouldn't make a joke like his. I kid around/banter with her but not in a sexual manner. I say the guy should be called a creeper! So is he a creeper for making innuendos with a woman whom he's old enough to be her father or do I need to get with the times? Reality check! This makes me cringe hearing this. At the local bar there is a retired guy in his 70's who is a fixture & he flirts sexually with the younger women & they flirt back. It's funny because he is harmless. This is creepy but a woman is in control of who says what to her & if she isn't putting a stop to it she probably likes it.
xxoo Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 This is creepy but a woman is in control of who says what to her & if she isn't putting a stop to it she probably likes it. She's at work! I worked behind a counter when I was in my 20s. The comments I got from customers..... And there was very little I felt empowered to do about it. One of my bosses actually suggested that I wear more figure flattering clothing, to bring in the customers Lots of help there, you can see!
Xinreeki Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Look. If you are genuinely 'concerned', then the next time it happens, after he leaves, go to the girl and ask her if she's okay with that and if she needs your help. And be prepared to help in the off-chance that it actually is required. If you're not going to do that, stop throwing your 'concern' around and use the right word - jealousy. I agree with this, and I agree with you, OP, as to me that situation would creep me out too! But everyone is going to have a different view on things and really it depends on how the girl involved feels. If she really is fine with it, then ok, that's cool. If not, and she finds it very uncomfortable / creepy, then, yes, she should try to put an end to his "flirting" or else get help to put an end to it. As you are clearly concerned about her, I think you maybe should step in next time, voice your concern and ask her if she needs help to escape situations like that. In that way you could be her knight in shining armor, saving her from a shuddersome stalker! If I was in that situation, I would certainly appreciate someone stepping in to stop that kind of behavior, but that's just me. Anyway, good luck!
Xinreeki Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 She's at work! I worked behind a counter when I was in my 20s. The comments I got from customers..... And there was very little I felt empowered to do about it. One of my bosses actually suggested that I wear more figure flattering clothing, to bring in the customers Lots of help there, you can see! Thats terrible! It must be incredibly hard to be stuck in a situation like that. If I was you I would have quit I think! But I know that's not always an option. Still, I'm sure you would have appreciated it, if another guy kindly stepped in to gently ask / persuade the offending guy to stop such inappropriate "flirting" ? As long as it was gentle persuasion of course, as otherwise it might have caused even more trouble for you I suppose!
veggirl Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I'm freakin 30 and am creeped out by 40+ yr old men hitting on me lol. Different strokes and all that, plenty of very young girls like guys who are much older. I never was one of them. 1
pcplod Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I don't know if I've got a stick up my but but there's an attractive young women that works in the hardware store next to where I work and some guy in his late 30's to early 40's was making sexual innuendos with her and she's 19! I see her a lot because we're constantly getting things from there and she seems cool and such. It was pretty full on and she laughed but my thinking is I'm about 12 years older than her and I wouldn't make a joke like his. I kid around/banter with her but not in a sexual manner. I say the guy should be called a creeper! So is he a creeper for making innuendos with a woman whom he's old enough to be her father or do I need to get with the times? Reality check! Oh, get over yourself! You have no idea how it all started, do you? Or are you creeping around by spying on them all of the time? I would be quite happy teasing a young woman, to just scratch my ego a little for a while, in what I would have to be sure was a rather tame and mutually agreeable situation. I would know it was safe not only for her, but for me too! As long as there is tacit agreement about what is going on. Your problem is that you have a tendency to put women on a pedestal, possibly holding a holy sceptre, instead of treating them as both just very ordinary people, and sexual, competent and confident beings. What you actually propose is actually insulting to them. Ever thought of it that way? I used to do that as well, for many, many years, because I swallowed the popular propaganda of the time. Do you realise how stupid it is? It was a waste of my life, that's for sure. And for all I know, maybe someone else's as well.
crederer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 (edited) I completely agree that it's creepy. I'm 25 and 19 year olds seem like children to me. However, she's an adult so it's not really your place to step in unless she is obviously uncomfortable with the situation. Also, I used to work at a car dealership about 2 years ago. There was a receptionist there that was 18 but still in highschool. She was an attractive girl but VERY immature. Some of the things these married middle aged men said about her behind her back was quite horrifying. Some of the things they actually said to her face we pretty bad too.... Edited May 21, 2013 by crederer
Revolver Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Guys don't give a **** about older women hitting on,dating,sleeping with, younger men but women seem to have a problem when the shoe is on the other foot.
USMCHokie Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Guys don't give a **** about older women hitting on,dating,sleeping with, younger men but women seem to have a problem when the shoe is on the other foot. Men want younger women, so they don't give a sh*t what older women do.
pcplod Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I completely agree that it's creepy. I'm 25 and 19 year olds seem like children to me. However, she's an adult so it's not really your place to step in unless she is obviously uncomfortable with the situation. Also, I used to work at a car dealership about 2 years ago. There was a receptionist there that was 18 but still in highschool. She was an attractive girl but VERY immature. Some of the things these married middle aged men said about her behind her back was quite horrifying. Some of the things they actually said to her face we pretty bad too.... That's the problem with some men, but then you don't think like that do you? The thing is that, like virtually all aspects of life, there is a balance to be struck. Flirting is not the same as being misogynistic or simply down-right nasty. Men like that are probably as bad in the way they treat other men, as well as women. You gotta know the difference or else you are up the creek without a paddle. "Boys' banter" is just that, for boys, not men.
Xinreeki Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Guys don't give a **** about older women hitting on,dating,sleeping with, younger men but women seem to have a problem when the shoe is on the other foot. As long as both people are above the age of consent, are free agents and are agreeable to it, then I see no problem with older guys dating younger women, older women dating younger guys, older guys dating younger guys or older women dating younger women. As for hitting on someone / flirting with them, that too is fine as long as the other person doesn't stop the flirter or isn't otherwise obviously uncomfortable in the situation. And if the one who's uncomfortable with the flirting doesn't stop the flirter / distance themselves from them when they're not into the flirting, then the flirter in most cases can't really be blamed for that. Of course, if the flirtee in question is at work it might be difficult for them to put an end to the flirting for fear of causing a scene, losing a customer or being fired. But even in that situation it seems that any reasonable boss would understand how inappropriate certain "flirting" was and allow employees to gently tell any offending customers that they are uncomfortable with that behavior.
pcplod Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Men want younger women, so they don't give a sh*t what older women do. Maybe it is the age difference between us, but I'm not looking for women who are that much younger than me; five years at most. There is a practical element to it as well. Most of the women at that age have done whatever child-rearing they will want to have done and are now focused on themselves, what they want for themselves. That's good for me too, even if it may seem selfish. It is what I want and there is no point in pretending otherwise. It creeps me out when a woman announces in the first line of their OLD profile "My children come first". What?! Their adult children? Okay then, but it seems a pity... Personally, I think it is a bit of a careless and thoughtless, mindless verbiage that isn't actually going to do them any good. Think it all you want but for gawd's sake, don't confess it in public, like confessing to a sin. Bad self-PR. As far as older than me, well, 2 to 3 years, maybe 5 at the outside. I guess that infers that I have a slight bias towards younger than older. What really excites me, having reached the age that I have, is the realisation that when it comes to women my age what mostly counts in the looks and attractions department is your genes. It really does sound trite, but it really does make a big difference. When some women say in their profiles that "My friends all say I look 10 years younger" and you then look at their profile picture you wonder whether they are talking about the same person. However, there is a large minority of women for whom it is true because either or both of their parents have been generous and kind to them and it definitely has nothing to do with whatever unction has come out of a bottle. The really savvy women like that capitalise on that both in terms of their dress code, hair-style and in their general demeanour. It really, really does work for them. PS. For any of you older ladies who may be on Match.com, ditch the specially-taken studio shots. It smacks of being actually too keen and we all are deeply cynical about the use of Photoshop these days. Make an effort, please, by all means, but, to be repetitively boring, balance and perspective please!
Author SJC2008 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 I have no idea if you're jealous or not. That said, the reason you get people saying, "it's none of your business" or "don't be the moral police" is that your responses are full of judgement. You put exclamation points behind every sentence describing this guys behavior and all your previous statements seem to be tinged with this sense of incredulity and outrage. It doesn't sound like you really want other people's opinions. It sounds more like you're saying, "I think this is creepy and nuts" and when people don't seem to share you're feelings you seem to act as thought they're crazy. I don't think it's particularly cool to make any discussion personal (which is why I don't really approve of the "you're jealous" response); but it seems like the reason you're getting some combative opinions is because you're own responses are so laced with judgement and so combative. As for me, once again i don't really know. I've known men in their late 30s and early 40s who certainly came off as total creeps when they'd hit on younger women but I think it was largely due to the lecherous/sexist way they chose to flirt more than the age difference. I don't think I'd be comfortable flirting with someone more than ten years my junior but I frankly find the level of umbrage you seem to take with such things a little disconcerting. We all handle our romantic affairs differently. We're all attracted to different people and express our interest in different ways. If this girl is fine with it I really don't understand why you find it such a concern or yours or why you act so shocked and appalled when other people don't share your feelings. I do want other peoples opinions but how is saying mind my own business, don't be jealous, stop being the moral police and advice on how to handle the situation have anything to do what I asked? I wanted posters opinions on if they thought what the guy did was creepy or not. It's pretty black and white IMO. Yes he's a creeper, no he's not a creeper. End of story.
Estate Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I just love this forum! One day it's men act like they're entitled to younger women and the next it's don't be the moral police becuase some guy is making jokes with a woman who isn't even old enough to drink. Phuk it, next year I'm going to cruise a highschool parking lot and pick up a senior and take her to prom! What the heck are you talking about??? It's black and white. If a grown man is being innapropriate and making comments or gestures which make a woman (of any age) uncomfortable, then it is inappropriate and he should stop. If the woman in question is not against the attention or the advances then it can't be considered inappropriate... how can it be? Only SHE can be the decider of that! But bottom line, you are not this man, you are not this woman, you are a nosey by stander... none of your business... sounds like you are jealous of this all that you are NOT the one involved. We don't care... what are you even complaining about?
Author SJC2008 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 What the heck are you talking about??? It's black and white. If a grown man is being innapropriate and making comments or gestures which make a woman (of any age) uncomfortable, then it is inappropriate and he should stop. If the woman in question is not against the attention or the advances then it can't be considered inappropriate... how can it be? Only SHE can be the decider of that! But bottom line, you are not this man, you are not this woman, you are a nosey by stander... none of your business... sounds like you are jealous of this all that you are NOT the one involved. We don't care... what are you even complaining about? You don't have to care and if you don't why are you here? I didn't ask what to do or what to say or whether I'm jealous or the moral police. Yes I'm not the man or the woman in the scenario and thanks for pointing it out. I asked a simple question of whether YALL thought it was appropriate for 40 year old man to make sexual innuendoes with a 19 year old woman. Soo, do you think it's appropriate or not?
Author SJC2008 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Next time I'll post "Would a 40 year old man making sexual innuendos with a 19 year old be considered creepy" and that's it.
apple OR orange Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 (edited) i think we just found an official reason why people are called creeps. From those who dont have the "nuts" to do that themselves. Nothing like people saying "wow that looks like there having fun, right put a stop to that, ok everyone lets get together and stop this, there having way to much fun..." i vote its natural, considering we used to live way past 400 years old, how does that work in the numbers game? Edited May 21, 2013 by apple OR orange
vanhalenfan Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Okay, I thought I would just add my opinion here since I have personal experience with older men. I happen to be attracted to men older than myself and have been for quite some time. I am 30 years old now and see no problem on my end on pursuing a man even 45+. To each their own, right? Different strokes for different folks. I am never one to criticize others' choices in partners/boyfriends/girlfriends/what-have-you. However, that said, I am looking back on my 19-year-old self and I don't feel that dating a 42-year-old man was in my best interest at the time (it was a short-lived relationship) - but now, being 30 years old, divorced with 2 kids, and a lot more life experience coupled with a better idea of what I am looking for in a man - I would see no problem with that age gap/difference now (that would work out to be a 53-year-old man). Many might find that shocking or strange, some might take my side or see no problem with that. It doesn't matter to me. I think it is far more accepting in society at this time than it was in the past (older men/younger women). Now, going back to the situation at hand...A 19-year old and a nearly 40-year old man....Well, it really all depends on the girl and how SHE feels. Again, going back to when I was 19, I would never listen to what anyone had to say about my dating a 42 year old man. My immaturity wouldn't allow for that! I had to experience it fully and then learn from it. It isn't fair to call the man creepy off-hand, it depends on how SHE is handling it. If she is flirting back, is responsive, etc. then it's really between the two of them. Now, if she was looking defensive, agitated, afraid, etc. and he was STILL pressing on - that's creepy. Then by all means, step in. Otherwise, I say stay out of it! 1
Keenly Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Some girls like older men. Some don't. Some girls like younger guys. Some don't. What I don't like is when people start insisting that other people have the same opinions that you do. That's cool that you don't like it, but to tell anyone that they aren't allowed to do something because you don't approve of is baffling. Mind your own business people, you wouldn't want some random stranger butting into your business telling you that you are wrong when you are just going about your day . 3
vanhalenfan Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Some girls like older men. Some don't. Some girls like younger guys. Some don't. What I don't like is when people start insisting that other people have the same opinions that you do. That's cool that you don't like it, but to tell anyone that they aren't allowed to do something because you don't approve of is baffling. Mind your own business people, you wouldn't want some random stranger butting into your business telling you that you are wrong when you are just going about your day . Well said, Keenly! Simple, but to the point.
Author SJC2008 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Some girls like older men. Some don't. Some girls like younger guys. Some don't. What I don't like is when people start insisting that other people have the same opinions that you do. That's cool that you don't like it, but to tell anyone that they aren't allowed to do something because you don't approve of is baffling. Mind your own business people, you wouldn't want some random stranger butting into your business telling you that you are wrong when you are just going about your day . Show me where I insisted other people need to align with me. I asked a simple question as to whether YOU, readers of the thread thought it was ok or not. I was expecting 'It's ok because xyz...' or 'No it's not ok becuase xyz'. Instead I was called a this that and the other...
Author SJC2008 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 You have to be very literal on this forum and I'll post according next time. I didn't ask what to do in the situation or if it was my business or am I being the moral police or if I'm jealous of the guy or if she was ok with it. I asked what YOU think of a 40 year old man flirting with a 19 year old woman. Seems black and white to me 'Oh it's not big deal xyz...' or 'Seems a little ott given she's young...' So what do YOU think??
skydiveaddict Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I asked what YOU think of a 40 year old man flirting with a 19 year old woman. It's never a good idea to flirt with any girl when you are old enough to be her dad.
therhythm Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Who knows maybe the girl liked the man... you people always trying to tabulate other peoples feelings. If a man feels like flirting with a younger or older woman in his business and if it is unwelcome is the woman business to let it notice ... As long as the woman is in adult age there is nothing that no one can say about age difference, it is a matter of taste... when I was 19 I had sex with a woman 55 years old and you can bet that I enjoyed it!
pcplod Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I am 30 years old now and see no problem on my end on pursuing a man even 45+. To each their own, right? Different strokes for different folks. I am never one to criticize others' choices in partners/boyfriends/girlfriends/what-have-you. If you are a VanHalen fan then you are a lot older than you think you are. Yes, I completely agree with you. Unless you know the full story AND the full context all you are doing is imposing your own values and your own prejudices on the situation. In doing that you are actually not doing yourself any favours as far as how others are likely to judge you.
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