Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 ...did you feel like the second time around was less special? More so? Just different? As I'm now mid-30's (sniffle), I'm finding that the gross majority of the men I meet (aged 32 to 45) are divorced. I'm not at all bothered by that fact, but when thinking about getting married to such a man, honeymooning with him, purchasing a home with him, having children with him... a teeny part of me kinda winces and thinks, "Boo. It won't be his first time too. It won't be as special. Wah. :(" Is that a silly thing to feel?
IT Geek Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I'm a guy in my mid-40s and dating someone in the same age range who has never been married. If I ever did get married again, I would try to make it special for us since it is the start of another phase in our lives. 4
amaysngrace Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I hope that if I get married again it will be a much bigger decision to me than it was the first time and will mean a whole lot more too. I was just a dumb kid. There's a big difference between getting married because you really really want to and doing it because it's what everyone else is doing and it's "time". I have much higher expectations for the second time around. As for the wedding and honeymoon, I don't really think I'd compare the two either. One brings hope and the other bad memories. But I truly hope it's a lot more special next time because I'll value that person so much more. 3
Author Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Your responses so far made me feel a lil' warm and fuzzy. 1
amaysngrace Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 star gazer is a schoolyard bully Yes and she's in a gang too. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Yes and she's in a gang too. Of which you're the ringleader. 2
USMCHokie Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 (edited) Is that a silly thing to feel? I would get this feeling too. EDIT: To expand on this, it's like what we've talked about before about exploring new stuff with someone. An experience, regardless of what it is, is better when it's new for both of you simply for that sense of new exploration and adventure. So when you do something that's new for you but not for him, it's like he's more of a tour guide than a fellow "adventurer." So yes, I agree that it diminishes the experience. Edited May 21, 2013 by USMCHokie 2
tbf Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The words spoken are no less meaningful the second time around. The first time around, apparently the words were more meaningful to me than the ex! First wedding, all the pomp and stuff, was more for my mother. The second wedding would have been more for my mother and MIL, had we not gotten preggo with B1. So, IMO, our little quasi-elopement was much better than the grand thang they had planned. 1
Silly_Girl Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I got married when I was very young. I loved him, we made each other happy, but we pretty much sleepwalked in to it. That was 18 years ago. I am getting married soon and it's infinitely more special. I know who I am and what I want. We have talked A LOT about what we are looking for from life, individually and together. We are both so very happy to have found each other, and such happiness, in our late 30s - both having thought it might be too late to start a life/build a family as though we're just starting out in the world. We are writing our whole ceremony together. Our wedding day is very personal and we've made/are making a lot more decorations/food/decisions etc ourselves than most couples. It really is a world of difference this time around. I couldn't have appreciated that though, until I found myself here. Have faith!! 2
anne1707 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 My first marriage - big church wedding, all the fuss but too young. We loved each other but we had not thought it all through and when we hit problems, it crashed. My second marriage - low key ceremony and I remember far more detail from that day than I do my first. It was so special for me, for us. The focus was on the marriage, not the wedding. The things that happened in the first few months after the marriage also showed that there was a stronger foundation to it than there was in the first. I know we have had problems but we managed to work our way through them. Even though the end of the first marriage was incredibly painful, in some ways I don't regret that. I learnt from it plus if it had not ended, I would not be with my Wuggle now. 2
Eve Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 This is my husband's second marriage, my first .. and hopefully only marriage. I have watched his first wedding - he has it on VHS. He cringes somewhat because he was aware that she was too young and wasn't taking any of it seriously. His mother told him not to marry her but he didn't listen. She giggles and rolls her eyes through the whole thing. H says that he was oblivious to the fact that she was and still is actually a bitch. It is clear to him now though. H says that when he watches the wedding video he remembers family members who are no longer here and doesn't think about his ex at all. He does not regret getting married because he gained two sons from the marriage but really wishes that it had been us getting married instead of him and her. He often says this to me.. that he wishes his sons were ours biologically and my daughters were his fully. I am too fickle to think about such things too deeply. I am just glad we are together and all are well. Our wedding was spectacular. I wanted a small wedding but listened to my mother-in-law as we are very alike in many respects. We had home grown flowers, a choir and people serving food. It was one of the best days of my life, second only to the birth of my girls. So no, second time around is not always really the second time around. It can actually superceed the first. Take care, Eve x 1
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