Just saw his wife's picture

May 21, 2013

Pierre wrote, " She may be gorgeous, but she is known territory.

For many men "novelty" outweights gorgeous at home."

Pierre, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!!?

I've had to think, "what would P write about this?" Cause you weren't here. Other posters BW & OW have done this but nobody says thing quite like you*

Now tell psm that she has low self worth and to seek out why so she can cure it. Tell her that w/in the A bubble she finds her external validation that should, however Not play. Part in her Real world.

Or something like that.

May 21, 2013

Because she knows she got lucky and married above her level, lol!

You can say that again! She's only been lusting after him for decades. Now a marriage, 2 kids (2 different dads) later (him, not her!), he's finally agreed to let her SHACK UP (not marry, SHACK) for half a decade. What a bird.

I think they're together for convenience and $$$. He is beyond shallow, and she makes a lot of money.

Happens all the time. I would say "I would never" be in a relationship for anything but love but I won't because I never thought I'd be creeping with someone elses man, LOL. Life happens, I guess.

I guess they figure why not be roommates and raise the kids, and do our own thing on the side. He's never home, they're never together, and they've split up a few times already... but oh well, that's his mess.

Exactly. HIS mess. Do you, boo!

You could tell he was embarassed when she came around, I think he wanted everyone to think his wife was hot...

Wowwwww, that's deep!

What a freaking dirtbag. The more I speak of him, the more I realize what a moron I was.

No need to berate yourself! Life is the tuition we pay for lessons learned (I heard Oprah say that, heh heh).

Edited May 21, 2013 by SweetiePie12

May 21, 2013

I was stunned when I saw xMM's wife, I thought she was his aunt or something. I wasn't the only one who was shocked either, she really was nowhere near what I was expecting because he's very good looking. Looks aren't everything (although I think they had a LOT to do with he and I having an affair).

So did he have glaucoma when he proposed and married her and just now recovered to full sight to realize how unattractive she is and then got into an affair?

May 21, 2013

So did he have glaucoma when he proposed and married her and just now recovered to full sight to realize how unattractive she is and then got into an affair?

LOL!! No, he flat out told me (and everyone else around us) that he got her pregnant, and they both decided it was the right thing to do.. YEEEAH. Seems to me like the whole "right thing to do" idea was tossed out the window when he started cheating. They have kids, so apparantly she did it for him at one point!

May 21, 2013

LOL!! No, he flat out told me (and everyone else around us) that he got her pregnant, and they both decided it was the right thing to do.. YEEEAH. Seems to me like the whole "right thing to do" idea was tossed out the window when he started cheating. They have kids, so apparantly she did it for him at one point!

Smh...mess!

I so hate that line of thinking. I'm very careful about my womb lol, but if for some reason I got pregnant by a man I didn't want to marry, well...that won't change anything. I still won't marry him. But in any case, the fact he was sleeping with this unattractive woman to the point that he got her pregnant already makes him seem like a douche for now acting like she's so unattractive, when his condom-less penis clearly didn't think so.

May 21, 2013

I bet she still does.

I'm sure they have their moments... but I have seen them together, and she is an absolute bey-otch! It's pretty known throughout the workplace that she treats him like crap. She's extremely rude, even to his coworkers (imagine how nasty she'd be in she knew what he did with one of them...). Physically, she MUST have let herself go, they've been together quite a long time, and he must have aged a lot better than she did. But, oh well... I'm sure it won't take him long to find another hot young substitute

May 21, 2013

Or maybe she put on 50 pounds and wears sweat pants and stained tshirts and doesn't brush her hair, hasn't shaved her legs in 3 days and has coffee breath all the time.
That could contribute to a decline in desire.

Ok, the line I bolded made me grin like crazy for some reason. GOOD for you! I agree 100% with that line of thinking, but so often people think it's a good reason, then they end up in this marriage that no one wants and then a couple years later.... major problems. It's very sad.

She could have very well devolved into unattractiveness, but the vibe I got from Nattie's post about her feeling like she married up etc. made it seem like this wasn't an evolution. In any case, Nattie doesn't know how she feels and it's only conjecture, but definitely overtime one's desire can decline in such conditions. Although, the funny part is, for every time this comes up, I always wonder about the MM in question and his level of attractiveness since when they dated until now. It never comes up...but is to be expected because in our society women are always judged against standards of youth and beauty while the idea is that a man's success is what counts and thus he could be old and bald and have sun spots, he's just aging like fine wine , while the wife, if age shows on her, well she's probably willfully frumpy and negligent. OW are also judged differently than OM...OM never compare their looks to the male BS it seems, but it's to be expected, because generally that's not what men do, whereas inevitably there is a battle of looks or looks factors in for OW/fBS.

Yeppp I will not marry anyone for anything other than I genuinely see them as a life partner after careful consideration.

May 21, 2013

Although, the funny part is, for every time this comes up, I always wonder about the MM in question and his level of attractiveness since when they dated until now. It never comes up...but is to be expected because in our society women are always judged against standards of youth and beauty while the idea is that a man's success is what counts and thus he could be old and bald and have sun spots, he's just aging like fine wine , while the wife, if age shows on her, well she's probably willfully frumpy and negligent.

Numerous studies have shown that people almost always select partners that are roughly on the same level of physical attractiveness as they are. The BS may gain weight and have poor hygeine habits over time, but if those factors were changed, she would probably be on par with MM.

I agree that women are judged by harsher standards than men are. Many of the beauty standards for women are often unrealistic.

Edited May 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

May 21, 2013

And yet, she still has what you do not - HIM.

I have enough. And the aspects she has, I'd never ever accept.

May 21, 2013

AND -

Pretty sure that most of us OW's are looking are absolute BEST when we see MM. At least *I* do. Then at home, I get "comfortable". Baggy ugly sweats. And I mean REALLY baggy. I'm like a size 12 - but I wear mens triple XXX sweats all the time when it's 70 degrees outside or less which is most of the time in Chicagoland. Throw my hair in a bun cuz I very much dislike long hair in my way all the time. No makeup. Dirty fingernails cuz I've been working in the yard or painting with ink all up and down my arms. Glasses.

FRUMPY - to the extreme.

Complete 180 of what MM sees. I am sometimes tempted to send him one of my "ugly" pictures when he goes into his "you are so beautiful" spiel. I'm okay. Average in my age group. I took care of myself fairly well. I've been to HS reunions and it's funny cuz most of the beauty queens ain't that anymore. And if someone marries for beauty - well, they will be surely disappointed one day. It's also a little secret smile to me - cuz those girls were certainly over the top mean to me back then.

A favorite quote from Judge Judy - Beauty fades, but DUMB is forever!

I find it kinda odd that people feel that they have to only marry those that have "equal" attractiveness, or pair up. Maybe that's some kind of primal genetic thing? I dunno.

I did want to see a picture of MM's wife. She is not the SAME as me, though not frumpy really. Not that it matters. The one thing I noted was that in all the family photos he stands away from her. I find that sad.

My ex AP married his wife when she was drop dead gorgeous! He was a looker then too. She put on the pounds and he would rag on her like nothing else. In my other life, when I was wife and mother and hung out with other couples that were in the same category, there were many wives that had struggles with weight and their husbands had TOLD them that they would LEAVE them if they got fat! Whether or not their man cheats on them, using that as the excuse, why would any woman want to be with someone that has guidelines as to what they will or will not look like in the future? You either love them or you don't.

May 21, 2013

Facts are facts.

All of the information you have about her is not fact. You only know what he has told you. He's obviously attracted to her if he's having sex with her, and he must care about her if he's letting her live with him. You've said he wears a promise/engagement ring. Do you really think he has no intention of marrying her?

May 21, 2013

AND -

Pretty sure that most of us OW's are looking are absolute BEST when we see MM. At least *I* do.

I got a surprise visit recently. He was 5 minutes away. LOL. (shrug) I am not a one dimensional human being.

May 21, 2013

All of the information you have about her is not fact. You only know what he has told you.

He's told me facts. No reason to embellish about his history or fabricate.

He's obviously attracted to her if he's having sex with her, and he must care about her if he's letting her live with him.

Actually it's the other way around, but, whatever. He described her as beautiful. I looked at him like "huh?". He smirked. That would cut me to the white meat if I was her and knew that.

You've said he wears a promise/engagement ring.

Not always.

Do you really think he has no intention of marrying her?

He said he intends to. Actions and deeds fall short of words. I think it's sad that there are four people living in one house, all with different last names. Talk about fragmented!

May 21, 2013

I find this so distasteful and am genuinely appalled at how anyone can stomach dating a man who disparages the woman he married/mother of his kids. Even if she is the worst person in the world, I would expect him to have some decency and not be so quick to point out how horrid she is, as that begs the question: why did you choose such a horrible person??? Likewise with single guys, if they go on and on about their horrible ex, I lose interest.

By the time he really started bad mouthing his wife, he had me hook, line and snicker. I was so lonely and isolated that I just appreciated the fact that someone would actually call me. He was a horrible person and talked badly about a lot of people and I just was too deep in the fog I guess to see what an ******* he was. I actually sent a letter to his best friends wife to tell her what he was saying about her. Guess they aren't friends anymore. Wish his wife would have contacted me because I would have told her how he was complaining about having deal with her at the hospital all day. She probably wouldn't have believed me anyway. So glad he's gone, gone, gone!!!

May 21, 2013

So much disrespect for women who have already been disrespected and betrayed by their partners. Lets all jump on the bandwagon and kick 'em when they're down. Makes me want to weep tbh

Yeah, I'm a BS so maybe I have no right to comment but honestly. Can no-one else see how unfair it is?

I'm no beauty queen. Blimey! I never have been. But I'm clever, funny, loving, kind, giving. But it seems it counts for nothing.......

May 21, 2013

AND -

Pretty sure that most of us OW's are looking are absolute BEST when we see MM. At least *I* do. Then at home, I get "comfortable". Baggy ugly sweats. And I mean REALLY baggy. I'm like a size 12 - but I wear mens triple XXX sweats all the time when it's 70 degrees outside or less which is most of the time in Chicagoland. Throw my hair in a bun cuz I very much dislike long hair in my way all the time. No makeup. Dirty fingernails cuz I've been working in the yard or painting with ink all up and down my arms. Glasses.
.

Ohh yeah, I always looked immaculate when I saw him. I would give myself extra time to shave, lotion, do hair perfectly, makeup, the whole nine yards. I'm not bad when I'm at home... I always dress nicely and wear earrings etc. I guess the one area I never was neurotic about was my figure. I'm a size 8, and I like the curves.. I guess I was never really self concious about it because his wife is a little bit bigger. I think he always wanted to see me "dressed down" because he would ask me to come over in the morning, and I once said I couldn't too early because I needed time to get ready, he then told me to come over in sweats with my hair in a bun, he honestly didn't care. It's funny because I never gave two craps if he looked nice, or was freshly showered etc. I saw him in gym shorts with his hair all matted to one side from wearing a baseball cap all the time, never gave it a second thought.

May 21, 2013

When I fist saw xMM's wife she was exactly as I imagined her. She was average in every way. I'm not trying to be mean at all...she just didn't have any style. I like to think that how people "work" what they have is an expression of their personality. If you look like you just stepped out of a 1985 issue of the LL Bean catalog...and it's 2013...IMO you can't be all that interesting. But then again there is that whole book/cover argument.

I saw a guy once who was wearing this t-shirt that said:

It doesn't matter how good she looks...somewhere someone is tired of her bullsh*t.

May 21, 2013

MM talk so poorly about their spouses. Wonder how many BS would truly want to reconcile if they knew the horrible, embarrassing things that were being said about them? That is almost as bad to me as the actual cheating.

I am having a hard time reconciling. I got to hear first hand my WH and MOW bashing me (caught on digital voice recorder). I also got to see their deleted texts (I uncovered them from our computer).

It's all bad. The cheating, bashing, gaslighting, neglect, etc.

BTW all of this stuff goes both ways. A BS may be prettier or the OW, one might be better in bed than the other, who knows. Nobody knows anything about another's situation. What it boils down to is how we feel about ourselves not how we reflect in the MM's eyes or in my case my WH's.

Hold your heads up ladies and men too!!!

May 21, 2013

This thread makes me sad, the bit*cy comments about how other women look and what they wear or don't wear. Really..........is this what we as women want for other women to be reduced to or more importantly is this the way you want your daughters and sons to view other women?

It's really petty that we as women have bought into it all.

I think often women use men to compete etc.

May 21, 2013

This thread makes me sad, the bit*cy comments about how other women look and what they wear or don't wear. Really..........is this what we as women want for other women to be reduced to or more importantly is this the way you want your daughters and sons to view other women?

Thank you!

Quoted for truth.

And while the women get catty & compete--the wayward men sit back & have a good laugh at the antics.

("Look at my puppets dancing!")

It's so dis-empowering all around, no matter which side of the fence you're on.

May 21, 2013

Lady Grey wrote, "This thread makes me sad, the bit*cy comments about how other women look and what they wear or don't wear. Really..........is this what we as women want for other women to be reduced to or more importantly is this the way you want your daughters and sons to view other women?"

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Exactly Why I stopped posting on this. The substance left pages ago...

Ladies, There is ALWAYS going to be someone "prettier, taller, shorter, Younger, faster, smoother, more educated..." I could go on forever than YOU (general you)*. So WHY waste time finding or picking apart other women and their flaws or qualities to (obviously this is one maybe two posters here today) make yourself and your situation feel better?!?!

Who CARES if the BW is a fat b*tch. Who CARES if she is BEAUTIFUL. Who Gives a HEPHER if the OW is younger (this did bother me at first ).

How do you all you feel about yourself WITHOUT COMPARING YOURSELF TO THE WOMAN MARRIED TO THE MAN YOUR SLEEPING WITH or BW's THE WOMAN WHO IS OR HAS BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOUR HUSBAND!?!?

sorry... few*, kinda went off there... It's just, I KNOW that pettiness and jealousy and insecurities abound during A's. Especially those that protest too much... But IF YOU KNOW you are BEAUTIFUL and SPECIAL and ONE-OF-A-KIND, then be happy with that. If you Don't Know that yet... Consider this my Kick in your A$$, and Start Knowing it*

slinking back into my corner now.......

May 21, 2013

It's funny because I never gave two craps if he looked nice, or was freshly showered etc. I saw him in gym shorts with his hair all matted to one side from wearing a baseball cap all the time, never gave it a second thought.

I can relate. Once he was supposed to be at the gym but he was with me. He didn't want to freshen up too much before he went home, LOL. Crazy.

May 21, 2013

Lady Grey wrote, "This thread makes me sad, the bit*cy comments about how other women look and what they wear or don't wear. Really..........is this what we as women want for other women to be reduced to or more importantly is this the way you want your daughters and sons to view other women?"

THANK YOU!!!!!!!
Exactly Why I stopped posting on this. The substance left pages ago...

Ladies, There is ALWAYS going to be someone "prettier, taller, shorter, Younger, faster, smoother, more educated..." I could go on forever than YOU (general you)*. So WHY waste time finding or picking apart other women and their flaws or qualities to (obviously this is one maybe two posters here today) make yourself and your situation feel better?!?!

Who CARES if the BW is a fat b*tch. Who CARES if she is BEAUTIFUL. Who Gives a HEPHER if the OW is younger (this did bother me at first ).

How do you all you feel about yourself WITHOUT COMPARING YOURSELF TO THE WOMAN MARRIED TO THE MAN YOUR SLEEPING WITH or BW's THE WOMAN WHO IS OR HAS BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOUR HUSBAND!?!?

sorry... few*, kinda went off there... It's just, I KNOW that pettiness and jealousy and insecurities abound during A's. Especially those that protest too much... But IF YOU KNOW you are BEAUTIFUL and SPECIAL and ONE-OF-A-KIND, then be happy with that. If you Don't Know that yet... Consider this my Kick in your A$$, and Start Knowing it*

slinking back into my corner now.......

There was a period of time towards the end that I compared myself to BS sometimes positively and sometimes negatively... BUT at the end of the day it didn't matter who was prettier, who was thinner, who was sweeter, who was smarter, who was funnier... He CHOSE to remain with her, he CHOSE to put her first and ultimately he accepted the end of our relationship to remain with her.

Now with some time out of my "affair fog", I have realized so many of his choices had very little to do with me and what I looked like or the type of person I am and likely very little to do with her and what she looks like and the type of person she is... His choices during the A and at the end of our A had everything to do with HIM!

May 21, 2013

No, she's the one who's probably wondering how many days it's been since her "husband" has been in bed with someone else, and how many nights it's been since he was thinking of that somene else in their bed.

But like paperangel pointed out, she can ask her husband those awful questions/fight with her husband/cry with her husband/have that crazy hyper bonding make up sex with her H,and maybe begin a true reconciliation with her H... while someone else is counting NC days.

No smiles from me for either woman. Bad situation to have to overcome on both sides.

And from my both sided view, first as a WS then a BS we both affaired down, in looks and character!

May 21, 2013

wiser wrote, " You can! The ignore function works as advertised."

I know... but d*mn that girl is like a beautiful weed. . She kind of just grows on me. As much as I'd like to just cut the thing out so it doesn't snuff out the other flowers, it still has beauty.

Ugh. I AM crazy*

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