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Just saw his wife's picture

psm04

By psm04
in The Other Man / Woman

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psm04 Established Member

psm04

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Just "ran into" his wife's picture online. She's gorgeous. I'm sick to my stomach. I'm so glad that my H is downstairs so that he is not seeing me right now. I can literally feel my self esteem dwindling down.

 

I just needed to write something on here. This starts another chapter on trying to move on. I can't wait until a couple of weeks have gone by, and I don't have to think of this.

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whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Did you go looking?

 

Well, if it helps push you into moving on, then that's a good thing.

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psm04 Established Member

psm04

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Yes, I stupidly looked, and like pretty much everything else in this situation, I regret doing that after the fact.

Lillyfree Established Member

Lillyfree

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it just goes to show that a lot of MM aren't married to a beast, it's not that they're 'deprived' of much, they are just selfish and greedy. why have one gorgeous woman, when you can have two? or more?

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whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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Yes, I stupidly looked, and like pretty much everything else in this situation, I regret doing that after the fact.

 

Well, seeing her picture just made her a 'real' person to you. Now you know what she looks like. Take it as a positive..Work it to your advantage and it'll help you focus on yourself and healing.

 

No more facebook or online checking on her or him!

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Washingmachine1980 Member

Washingmachine1980

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I finally saw her picture just a few weeks ago. She never had anything online and this was a newspaper article. I thought she would be fat and angry but, that was not the case at all. She apparently spends a lot time at the gym and is small and petite. She looked great! I think every OW should see a picture of the BS. It really does put it in perspective. MM talk so poorly about their spouses. Wonder how many BS would truly want to reconcile if they knew the horrible, embarrassing things that were being said about them? That is almost as bad to me as the actual cheating.

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MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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I finally saw her picture just a few weeks ago. She never had anything online and this was a newspaper article. I thought she would be fat and angry but, that was not the case at all. She apparently spends a lot time at the gym and is small and petite. She looked great! I think every OW should see a picture of the BS. It really does put it in perspective. MM talk so poorly about their spouses. Wonder how many BS would truly want to reconcile if they knew the horrible, embarrassing things that were being said about them? That is almost as bad to me as the actual cheating.

 

I find this so distasteful and am genuinely appalled at how anyone can stomach dating a man who disparages the woman he married/mother of his kids. Even if she is the worst person in the world, I would expect him to have some decency and not be so quick to point out how horrid she is, as that begs the question: why did you choose such a horrible person??? :confused: Likewise with single guys, if they go on and on about their horrible ex, I lose interest.

 

In my own situation he never spoke ill of her. In light of that, and based on the casual things he would say, I simply assumed she was probably similar to me, I assumed she would be attractive, smart etc. I didn't end up seeing what she looked like until years after the A ended and they were no longer together anymore, and she was indeed attractive. But I guess for me it wasn't particularly jarring, one, because I was out of the A for quite some time and had moved on and 2, I hadn't built up in my mind the picture of a wart-faced, angry, cross-eyed slob :lmao:.

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Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

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it just goes to show that a lot of MM aren't married to a beast, it's not that they're 'deprived' of much, they are just selfish and greedy. why have one gorgeous woman, when you can have two? or more?

 

Beauty is only skin deep.

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LilGirlandOW Established Member

LilGirlandOW

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I was face to face with my MM's wife WITH him for the first time last week by chance and I felt sick to my stomach, I mean they didnt look like "lovers" so to speak and he always told me she was pretty..... My opinion of her was not an issue and although I personally dont find her attractive, all that raced through my mind was images of them having sex,uhhhhhggggg!!!

 

side note: he gives me the story they dont sleep together and I know hes a great father he says he has stayed with her for the kids but wants to leave because their fighting and lack of intimacy is projecting a relationship he doesnt want his kids to mimic in the future as how a marriage should be.

Lillyfree Established Member

Lillyfree

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Beauty is only skin deep.

 

handy thing to say if you're cheating on a beautiful wife.

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SweetiePie12 Established Member

SweetiePie12

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I think every OW should see a picture of the BS. It really does put it in perspective.

 

It sure did me! NOT what I was expecting at ALL.

 

Wonder how many BS would truly want to reconcile if they knew the horrible, embarrassing things that were being said about them?

 

Or the explicit things that have been done.

SweetiePie12 Established Member

SweetiePie12

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In my own situation he never spoke ill of her.

 

Likewise.........

ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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lilgirlandow wrote, " side note: he gives me the story they dont sleep together and I know hes a great father he says he has stayed with her for the kids but wants to leave because their fighting and lack of intimacy is projecting a relationship he doesnt want his kids to mimic in the future as how a marriage should be."

 

You SO need to read a thread going titled "the lies MM tell the ow" or something like that... It should help you gain a different perspective.

 

 

psm, what does she being what you see as beautiful have anything to do with you feeling awful?!?!

Would you feel Less awful if she were a warty old hag? lol

What does her looks have to do w/Your self Esteem?

 

Where in Heck is Pierre??!!?!

 

Psm, this is not a competition! If you think it is then maybe consider yourself the winner :confused: , You're the woman w/TWO men at the same time and one of them is Your H*

Seriously though, just compare you to YOU!

Look at what you Were, look at where you are and try to envision who & where you're going to be. How can You improve you?

  • Like 5
LilGirlandOW Established Member

LilGirlandOW

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My MM never spoke bad about how she looks only about how she treats him, years of grinding and unnecessary putdowns can make a victoria secret model ugly to anybody. But like I said IMHO I dont find her attractive physically, which makes the thought that them having sex IF he is lying about them not having sex freak me out, if she were attractive it would be easier to digest, i dont know..... its VERY disturbing to see somebody who you have spent so much time with and consider your boyfriend with somebody else, even if it is his wife.... it stings

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MissBee Established Member

MissBee

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My MM never spoke bad about how she looks only about how she treats him, years of grinding and unnecessary putdowns can make a victoria secret model ugly to anybody. But like I said IMHO I dont find her attractive physically, which makes the thought that them having sex IF he is lying about them not having sex freak me out, if she were attractive it would be easier to digest, i dont know..... its VERY disturbing to see somebody who you have spent so much time with and consider your boyfriend with somebody else, even if it is his wife.... it stings

 

Indeed. I could never live down the jealousy. It's not even about if she is pretty or not. Even with exes, when my ex got a new gf, and I wasn't over him yet, it stung. My ex's new gf at the time wasn't pretty in my eyes, but even if she were, it wouldn't have made it better. I would have still been hurt and bothered at the thought of him with someone else. Likewise with my exAP.

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findingnemo Established Member

findingnemo

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Welcome to reality! BS' aren't usually ugly and crazy people. They are more or less normal. In some cases, they are extremely accomplished. It can be a shock to the system to discover this.

 

Don't dwell on the picture except to accept that what you thought wasn't true. Understand that there's a lot more truth hidden from you and let it go.

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waterwoman Established Member

waterwoman

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Welcome to reality! BS' aren't usually ugly and crazy people. They are more or less normal. In some cases, they are extremely accomplished. It can be a shock to the system to discover this.

 

Don't dwell on the picture except to accept that what you thought wasn't true. Understand that there's a lot more truth hidden from you and let it go.

 

LOL at 'more or less normal' :laugh: I think I am definitely less.

 

But of course BS are ordinary women with lives no different to any one else's. I think that is an important lesson to both sides of the equation. I knew OW. I had met her several times and got on quite well. After d-day I admit in my mind she began to grow horns and a forked tail even though I knew she was perfectly nice normal woman. I had to see her in the flesh before I was able to remove those horns and tail and reduce her to common human proportions.

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Nattie Established Member

Nattie

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I was stunned when I saw xMM's wife, I thought she was his aunt or something. I wasn't the only one who was shocked either, she really was nowhere near what I was expecting because he's very good looking. Looks aren't everything (although I think they had a LOT to do with he and I having an affair).

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Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

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handy thing to say if you're cheating on a beautiful wife.

 

 

It may be handy, but it is also very true.

Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

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My exMM's wife is attractive. She looks like a decent, kind, intelligent woman. My relationship with exMM started out as friendship and he shared a lot of photos of his wife with me, so it wasn't any big surprise.

 

 

I think the "surprise" of seeing the BS as "normal" can go both ways. Can you imagine how many BS's would be shocked to see the OW in their MM's life is actually a well put together, dignified, attractive woman? Not some voluptuous thing in a tight dress and stilettos?

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psm04 Established Member

psm04

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Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm at work, so can't type much right now. He never said that his wife was unattractive as far as looks are concerned. Everything I heard was about personality and compatibility issues. Thinking about it now, I never said anything about my husband either in that way. I'm not trying to compare myself with her at all since we look totally different in every way, and i know that he was attracted to me a lot. I guess seeing that picture affected me in the sense that here was a beautiful smiling woman, a great mom, who has no idea. That thought made me sick. Yes, there was a twinge of jealousy too, but now that I've slept on it, its not so bad. The best looking guy I was ever with was a POS who had several issues, so I know that looks don't matter when personality issues surface.

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SweetiePie12 Established Member

SweetiePie12

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I was stunned when I saw xMM's wife, I thought she was his aunt or something. I wasn't the only one who was shocked either, she really was nowhere near what I was expecting because he's very good looking. Looks aren't everything (although I think they had a LOT to do with he and I having an affair).

 

Interesting. When I saw a pic of my friend's chick, I too, was stunned! I had to get a second opinion that I wasn't judging her looks too harshly, but, nope, consensus is she is not cute.

 

I think it's her average qualities which make her let my friend, in his words, do whatever he wants.

 

She could get receipts of his infidelity & still never leave him I bet.

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SweetiePie12 Established Member

SweetiePie12

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Can you imagine how many BS's would be shocked to see the OW in their MM's life is actually a well put together, dignified, attractive woman? Not some voluptuous thing in a tight dress and stilettos?

 

Amen.........

SweetiePie12 Established Member

SweetiePie12

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I got lucky in that dept.

 

How so?????????????????

Nattie Established Member

Nattie

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Interesting. When I saw a pic of my friend's chick, I too, was stunned! I had to get a second opinion that I wasn't judging her looks too harshly, but, nope, consensus is she is not cute.

 

I think it's her average qualities which make her let my friend, in his words, do whatever he wants.

 

She could get receipts of his infidelity & still never leave him I bet.

 

 

Because she knows she got lucky and married above her level, lol!

 

Funny thing is, he thinks she has affairs too, and he could care less. I think they're together for convenience and $$$. He is beyond shallow, and she makes a lot of money. I guess they figure why not be roommates and raise the kids, and do our own thing on the side. He's never home, they're never together, and they've split up a few times already... but oh well, that's his mess.

 

You could tell he was embarassed when she came around, I think he wanted everyone to think his wife was hot...

 

What a freaking dirtbag. The more I speak of him, the more I realize what a moron I was.

  • Like 1
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