davyvfr Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Hello, I'm new to these forums and would just like some advice and suggestions on where to go. I am 19 years old, sophomore in college at a big university and like skydiving/wingsuit and playing the violin/viola on top of traveling. Here is the run down of my dating: I've been asked out by girls twice (one in junior high and once in high school) I dated the girl in junior high school because it was my first time, and declined to date the other girl in high school. Why? TIME MANAGEMENT. I found in junior high school I couldn't keep a high GPA and a relationship at the same time. I felt good about myself but school was important so I decided to end our relationship. Here is the kicker, this girl in junior high and was really good looking. So good looking, that the kid who bullied me in elementary school wanted to know how I got this girl. I did not date the second girl in high school because of religion and I am thinking if this was a good choice to not date a girl. But here is the problem. I am feeling a little depressed right now, because I don't feel outgoing. I lost all of my friends because I chose to loose contact with them to focus on college. I regret doing this and feel really stupid. A friend of mine has a sister, and she and her friend offered to help me get a date in high school. I thanked them but declined the offer. Friends will help you get relationships. I enjoy skydiving but all the girls are in their 30's and I would rather meet someone my age. FYI: I've been rejected once. What advice or recommendations do you have? I don't think I want a relationship, because the past has taught me I am horrible at time management with relationships. This won't be a problem when I get my career job, since my work stays at work. I just want to be happy without a relationship and I know this is possible. Finally, I don't drink alcohol (not legal), and when I do turn 21, I will decide against alcohol. Skydiving and beer don't go good together.
will1988 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 trust me, when you get a career is not the time to start living life. You are in college, the best and most fun years of your life, and you are almost half way through (then again my sophmore year was six years ago, and I am still in college... albeit at night and working full time. I had too much fun the first go around)! You need to focus on school. Trust me, I more than most people know how important college is and how easy it is to have too much fun and be paying for it years later. However, you need to get out there and live a little. While skydiving sounds fun, if that is all you do in your spare time and you see no other possiblities of meeting young co-eds, then maybe you need to put some time in another club. Have you thought about joining a frat? You say you don't want a relationship but want women... the frat is the right thing for you, maybe! There are many types of frats too, not all are popped collar "bro" types. What about going to dances and other social events your college offers and try to meet women there? Also, try to reconnect with your friends, or make new ones. I know you need to do well, trust me I know, but you squandering the last free and fun years of your life before you enter the "real" world. If you find it hard to get women while at college, wait until you are out of college and then come on here... especially if you do not drink. You need to live a little and just have fun. Do what I do. I work roughly 8 to 5 monday through friday. Depending on the semester will depend on what nights I have class. This past semester I had class Monday, Thursday, and every other friday night and saturday morning. I also commute an hour to work and an hour to class. Now, I still managed to have free time and keep up with school work. I just devote all of sunday to do home work. From around 8am until whenever it is done. I also do homework at work when it is slow and or on my lunch breaks. However, I always have at least one night out of the week I can devote to either my fiance or my friends (generally I alternate. One week is fiance and my date night, the next is guys night out). Sorry for rambeling. Anyway, my point is, you have free time to devote to friends and or women outside of classes and homework. So go out there, have fun (but not too much fun) and enjoy life!
Author davyvfr Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Thank your for the reply. Ok, so, I need to join other clubs and be even more outgoing. I need to get better when starting a conversation too, as I lack confidence in this area. Skydiving has helped me become more confident though but not on the dating side. However, I don't think not drinking alcohol will make me totally off limits. I will NOT meet a girl in a bar or a dating site, the two places I will not go to look. Now, as far as being single goes, I NEED to get my happiness level up before even considering dating. A marriage counselor once told me (a friend), "your girlfriend should be the icing on the cake." I tend to get to know girls in class groups really good, because you already have their number and got to know them if its a long project.
will1988 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Thank your for the reply. Ok, so, I need to join other clubs and be even more outgoing. I need to get better when starting a conversation too, as I lack confidence in this area. Skydiving has helped me become more confident though but not on the dating side. However, I don't think not drinking alcohol will make me totally off limits. I will NOT meet a girl in a bar or a dating site, the two places I will not go to look. Now, as far as being single goes, I NEED to get my happiness level up before even considering dating. A marriage counselor once told me (a friend), "your girlfriend should be the icing on the cake." I tend to get to know girls in class groups really good, because you already have their number and got to know them if its a long project. You don't need to drink or go to online websites. However, as you stated yourself, you need to join a club with women. Maybe try theater. I was never a great actor, good at improving but bad at acting off of a riged script, and found i was better at stage managing and lighting etc... met tones of women that way, and being one of the only straight males in the small theater group got me lots of attention. So i'd go that route.
aliceinthebox Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I want to ask you. Why are you working so hard? Why is school so important to you that you are sacrificing friends and relationships? I'm asking you this because after you finish school and possibly get a good job are you expecting to be happy, because academic and financial success does not mean you will be happy. You might come out with certificates and honors, but when school is done they'll just be slips of paper. Ask yourself if your goal is to be happy or successful and if its both realize that you can still have both without you needing to have the highest GPA or the highest honors. From what I can see you are on a wonderful academic track, but your future happiness seems dim and you will grow old wondering what you did with your life.
Author davyvfr Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 I want to ask you. Why are you working so hard? Why is school so important to you that you are sacrificing friends and relationships? I'm asking you this because after you finish school and possibly get a good job are you expecting to be happy, because academic and financial success does not mean you will be happy. You might come out with certificates and honors, but when school is done they'll just be slips of paper. Ask yourself if your goal is to be happy or successful and if its both realize that you can still have both without you needing to have the highest GPA or the highest honors. From what I can see you are on a wonderful academic track, but your future happiness seems dim and you will grow old wondering what you did with your life. Ok, thank you for a really good reply. I know sacrificing college parties will pay off in the long run. I am a certified EMT/First Responder and am planning to volunteer my time to a search and rescue team that I know really well. But yes, if I do nothing and get my dream job I have a feeling I would be unhappy, but I do know enjoying outdoor activities and activities with risk will make me feel better about myself
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