LilySun Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 It isn't just missing him or remembering time we spent. Right now my sadness lies with thinking about what could of been. ..or might have been...and now know that those in my head were just that, in my head. The day that he would look me in the eyes, say he loves me and wants only me. The day that he would do nice, romantic things for me. But if he didn't before, he never would. Such a let down that he isn't the man I thought he was, or the one I wanted him to be. Pains me that I will never see his great smile or blue eyes again. I have a tough road ahead of me. Even though he didn't do things I wanted him to do, I was so happy when we spent time together and I was always smiling. I still manage to get with friends, laugh and have fun, but with him I reeked of laughter and happiness. I see happy couples and picture me and him that way, then I picture him like that...with someone else. I'm sad. Things like this make me feel like I will never be over him.
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Yep, the hardest part of breaking up and moving on is letting go of all those illusions we built up in our head. Remember the moments when he didn't dry his feet before stepping out of the shower, when he slurped his soup, when he flossed his teeth real loudly, or when he didn't want to join you for a night out with your friends, or how he does the dishes (or doesn't at all). Remember the reality. It will help you move on. 3
BustedUpInside Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Remember the reality. It will help you move on. This is so right! When you describe your ex you sound like you are talking about a leading man in some ridiculous romantic comedy. He was just a guy. It sounds like you both had a good connection, but he was just a guy. Guaranteed, everything you thought was so special about him, about a million other men probably have those same characteristics. What made it special was the bond the two of you had. That was unique. That is what you should be sad about. But, you don't really need to be that upset because you can have that bond again. With someone else. Someone who shares the same vision for the future that you do. You should start dreaming about that guy. The guy who you have yet to meet. The guy you will meet someday if you can stop thinking about the ex who doesn't even warrant your attention anymore.
youngnlove89 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I feel like I could have written this. I had such a fantastic amazing fulfilled weekend, but then everyone goes home and there I was: alone again, and my mind was spinning with thoughts of him and how I might never see him again, talk to him or even by held by him again. Reality sucks sometimes. I have really no advice to give you, I just feel the same. They say, "this too shall pass" It isn't just missing him or remembering time we spent. Right now my sadness lies with thinking about what could of been. ..or might have been...and now know that those in my head were just that, in my head. The day that he would look me in the eyes, say he loves me and wants only me. The day that he would do nice, romantic things for me. But if he didn't before, he never would. Such a let down that he isn't the man I thought he was, or the one I wanted him to be. Pains me that I will never see his great smile or blue eyes again. I have a tough road ahead of me. Even though he didn't do things I wanted him to do, I was so happy when we spent time together and I was always smiling. I still manage to get with friends, laugh and have fun, but with him I reeked of laughter and happiness. I see happy couples and picture me and him that way, then I picture him like that...with someone else. I'm sad. Things like this make me feel like I will never be over him.
Giha Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 This is so right! When you describe your ex you sound like you are talking about a leading man in some ridiculous romantic comedy. He was just a guy. It sounds like you both had a good connection, but he was just a guy. Guaranteed, everything you thought was so special about him, about a million other men probably have those same characteristics. What made it special was the bond the two of you had. That was unique. That is what you should be sad about. But, you don't really need to be that upset because you can have that bond again. With someone else. Someone who shares the same vision for the future that you do. You should start dreaming about that guy. The guy who you have yet to meet. The guy you will meet someday if you can stop thinking about the ex who doesn't even warrant your attention anymore. You have no idea how good you just made me feel. Thank you. 1
crederer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I met with my ex yesterday. First time in about 6 weeks. It just showed me how emotionally messed up she is. I don't think I want to get back with her if or until she gets it together....if that will ever happen I dunno. She broke up with me, reasons being she needs to get her head on straight to be a good girlfriend. I didn't believe that excuse at first, but now being out of it for about 3 months and seeing it from a different perspective, she was right. She can't be a good girlfriend the way she is now. She has showed signs that she wants to or at least has considered getting back together. We'll see where that goes but for now I'm just trucking on through. 1
Author LilySun Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 I have a friend that became widow young. They were high school sweethearts. She says it makes her "sick" to think of being with anyone else. She might never, ever feel the way he made her feel, even if she does meet someone new, that person will never be to her what he was. I feel exactly all of that, too. As if he's dead...I am not amused at the thought kissing someone else or having anyone else hold me a night. Nothing physical sounds good at all unless its with him. Its very hard to think about sleeping with another man.
BustedUpInside Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 It's hard to think about being with someone else NOW, but that doesn't always have to be the case. I am not advocating trying to date if your heart really isn't in it, but you should try to start realizing that this guy does not have to be the ONLY guy out there for you. Here is a small synopsis of my last relationship. He was everything I never knew I always wanted. We dated for 6 years and lived together for four. We argue a grand total of 3 times during our whole relationship. We laughed everyday and said I love you every night. There were problems. Nothing big, no obvious deal breakers, but it was enough that finally the relationship had to end. I was and am very very sad about it. I understand the reasoning and i understand the emotions, but that doesn't stop me from wishing that we were back happily together sometimes, but that is not going to happen. The truth is that if I kept pining for a dream, I would never be ready to try again with someone new. The real in-the-flesh guy can never live up to the haloed angel that you have turned your ex into. Go ahead and knock him off his pedestal. You don't have to be mean, but you do have to make him real again. Didn't he have any bad characteristics that you would like to avoid in a future man? Wasn't there anything you would change if you could go back? Just promise that you will try to envision a future that doesn't include your ex, but instead includes a new man with all of the good qualities that you could hope for. 1
Author LilySun Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 I have met a few guys, and make effort to chat or whatever. So far my interest hasn't gone further than that with anyone. It isn't like I thought he was the hottest guy in the world, or without flaws...how I felt about him is unconditional and I have never felt that way about anyone else. And even if I never do I know I'm still doing the right thing.
Author LilySun Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Well there IS something positive happening. Even though I'm really sad, I don't desire to contact him. I already sent a "farewell" natured email that explained my feelings, both good and bad. And I wished him a happy, healthy life. I do have anger, but chose to leave that out of it, as this emotion just doesn't help any situation. And I just can't think of anything else to say. Tired enough of feeling hurt that I have no motivation to try and change his mind about me. He will oneday meet someone he wants to give his everything to, and treat her like she is the best thing that has happened to him. He couldn't do that for me. So its a matter of getting over that part.
siankat Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I feel like I could have written this. I had such a fantastic amazing fulfilled weekend, but then everyone goes home and there I was: alone again, and my mind was spinning with thoughts of him and how I might never see him again, talk to him or even by held by him again. Reality sucks sometimes. I have really no advice to give you, I just feel the same. They say, "this too shall pass" Maybe some of us are just (romantic) love junkies... 1
BC1980 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I get what you mean about no inclination to see other people. My ex dumped me about 5 weeks ago after 3 yrs. together and him buying me a ring. I just have no want to even be with anyone else. I never thought I would feel that way, but I think it's normal in my situation. I think that we picture ourselves with them for so long and build up this picture of the future for years. It's all we know right now because we have been living it for so long. It sounds cold to say, but it's like a habit that has to be broken. I was so in love with my college boyfriend, wanted to marry him, ect. Now, I look at his picture on facebook, and I don't even care. I have a soft spot for him because of what we shared, but I am indifferent to him. That was 10 yrs. ago that we dated. It took me about a year to get over him, and moving to another town helped tremendously. What I'm saying is that it may seem really hard now, but, eventually, you will move on. I've talked to other people about this too. One of my friends had her husband leave her for another woman, and it was an awful time for her. She had a young child too. That was 8 years ago, and she is remarried and happy as can be. She said she never thought she would be, but she has an entirely new life now and has never looked back. It can be done! We must go through these hard time to get to the other side. It sucks, but it's life. Pretty much everyone has been through this stuff at some point, so don't think you are alone. 3
Author LilySun Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 I know I'm not alone. Right now, I can't imagine feeling as great with another man as I did with him. Seems impossible. All the same, doubt anyone could make me feel so crappy either.
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