strangeandbeautiful Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 First, background story: Know each other a year because we worked together. Both had a crush but neither made any kind of move because he was engaged (4 year commitment). A month after they broke up and she moved out he tracked me down on facebook. We started hooking up immediately for 3 months. I was getting scared because I was catching feelings and it would be no way to make this work. He had three jobs, classes 5 days a week, recording music and doing gigs with his band and saving money for when his son comes to visit in the summer. But he asked me out not wanting to wait years until we could be together. And he was great and making time for me. I saw him everyday, he told me he loved me, and showed it. He made me feel loved every second I was around him. He bought me things, cooked, I mean he was amazing. Too good to be true, I found myself feeling scared that when things got really hectic that we would break up. So I held back a bit which wasn't right. It was weird being around someone who genuinely loved me and wanted me around all the time. I was with him so often that his landlord kicked him out because he thought I was living there. So add looking for a place to live to the list. He truly did devote his time to me. He wanted me to meet his son when he came up in a few months. A week ago, he told me that he's slipping when it came to his priorities. He would often miss class or opt out of going to work to be with me. He says it would be worse in the long run saying he would have to fix his schedule around his kid and then school would start back up soon after. He was upset saying I can't give you the time you deserve and I can't stop thinking of you. He wanted to focus to get things situated and right for him and his sons future. I'm happy hes putting his kid first, which he should do, but I figured we could make it since we were doing a good job seeing each other.I tried to say that that's why I'm the perfect person for this because he needs his time to do things and so do I. But he feels that he doesnt want to half ass a relationship and that the time apart would hurt him and me eventually. We broke up 5/14/13 Last night: I hadnt heard from him since ive been devastated with the news. I decided to call him. We talked last night and he really does love me. I could hear in his voice how upsetting this was for him. He apologized over and over again. There were even spots in the convo where we reverted to our old selves... talking about things going on recently and even joking around making each other laugh. Its so heart breaking. He said he misses me so much and that he just wants to hold me and be there. He worries about me constantly, asking how i was feeling and whether ive been taking care of myself. He still wants to keep in contact ("have a drink sometime, text, or call. I wanted to comment on a photo of you the other day... is it ok if I facebook you?") He says he does have faith that we have a future. He wish he could put a time on it but he really doesn't know. But he does not want me to wait... he wants me to be happy. I was engaged to a marine in the past and waited through deployments... so I don't mind holding onto these feelings. He's worth it. I said idk how we could be friends. I would be devastated knowing he was with another girl. I said I don't want to lose love for him. He asked me not to, to try to keep that love for him because he won't ever stop loving me. He says the same way he came after me this time he would do again when he got the chance. I know I can't center my life around hoping he'll come back yet I feel like he is the love of my life and this is a mutual breakup for the most part. Only thing I can do is live my life and put my love for him on the shelf. We love each other and exes have returned whether I've wanted them to or not on multiple occasions. I told him I need time to heal a bit before I contact him. He says he hopes its soon and said to call him whenever I needed him. He's such a great person... I wish I could support him by his side but I cant and its so hard. Any advice or success stories of getting back together under the circumstances? Any experiences will help. How long should I take to contact him? What do I say when I do speak to him? Should I try a friendship with him or begin NC? Thanks for taking the time to read and reply
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Respect one another's boundaries. No Contact is not a provisional, temporary measure to give people time and space. It's a device expressedly designed to help you heal and move on. Believe it or not, at this point, I would devote myself to me, and make every effort to heal, move on and get past this. This is NOT a mutual break up. It's what he's engineered, and you've been put into a position of having to agree. Read the No Contact guide in my signature. Do NOT hang your hopes on breadcrumbs and 'somewhere down the line' promises. That just creates a block in your life, and puts your progress on hold. You MUST - for your own sanity - consider this a complete break up, and go complete and total No Contact. When, and if, he wants to sincerely reconcile, he will make that clear. In the meantime,build your life again, stay NC, and don't respond,or lick up 'breadcrumbs'. It's not dignified, and it will kill you....
Author strangeandbeautiful Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Thanks for your input. We are back together and working things out.
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Yeah. Cool. Well, your thread's still here if you need further back-up. And take heed of the advice offered. It may serve you later, if he pulls this crap again....
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