Moving on...

[Leigh 87]

He will contact you again, in all likely hood. As the other poster said, perhaps not to get back together though.

 

She's also right about: unless you went crazy on him, he will be back if he really liked you as a person, and you had good times together.

 

He probably won't want you back though for real, unless you had a fairly long and loving relationship where you both put a lot of investment into it.

 

Otherwise, it would likely be because he is bored and horny, and wanting a casual sex buddy. Or just a friend to hang with if he is not occupied enough with his own life.

 

I am pretty sure my guy will come back, but the point of NC is that I will have moved on enough to not just cave and be like " OMG OMG so what, you want me back?"

 

Mostly they come back, but just to be "friends" or fck buddies, I am guessing.

[J_L_C]

If you don't want to be with him anymore, why does it bother you so much if he finds someone else? He will find someone else eventually (or he'll die alone) and you'll find someone else eventually too. (once you stop obsessing and start trying to heal)

 

It's not that I want him back. That is no longer something I desire. BUT...I always prefer to have some sort of connection left with my exes due to the very nature of what we shared together. I guess I worry about his eventual hookup with someone else because if we haven't established a 'relationship' prior to that, the chances just get lower and lower.

[J_L_C]

But how do I just 'move on' and kill the hope of ever hearing from him? It's like a daily thing for me :'(

[Simon Phoenix]

It's not that I want him back. That is no longer something I desire. BUT...I always prefer to have some sort of connection left with my exes due to the very nature of what we shared together. I guess I worry about his eventual hookup with someone else because if we haven't established a 'relationship' prior to that, the chances just get lower and lower.

 

You don't know that. You don't know anything about what will happen in the future. If you did, you wouldn't have spent seven months devaluing yourself like you did. So stop thinking like that -- it's simply dumb. You don't own a crystal ball. You don't have the power to determine anything he'll feel about you. It's amazing how the people with the least amount of control over themselves feel that they have the most control over the environment around them.

 

If anything, both of you moving on might increase the chances of friendship in the way, way, way future because then the baggage from the relationship and the breakup will have faded away. That baggage will have killed any friendship possibilities. Only time will give you a chance at that.

 

Either way, you continue to focus on the absolute wrong things. You need to focus on you, not on him. You need to get your head right. You are worried about how the scrambled eggs might taste, but you don't even have the money to go to the grocery store to buy the eggs to make them. You really need to stop obsessing about useless stuff.

[siankat]

i was younger and didnt learn lessons til i got burned so with my exes i emotionally dead armed myself meaning i went back under different guises, returned as a gf, was friends with them, enemies in contact, u name it, til i realised ppl, in their emotional capabilites, instincts and chemical makeup, are more circular than linear. By this i mean, things repeat themselves: action - reaction, pause, play, repeat. That person does the same things over and over. So, while u shared a good long relationship, u now see....he's an *******. you said it urself. u dont idolise him, u idolise the past relationship, not the same thing. So his pattern can be maintaining for so long, then revealing his true colours. Be flattered that he gave as good as he did for so long but he couldn't NOT BE HIM. Get the difference??

 

You did not trigger this behaviour in him, it was there already. The next girl hasn't got the ingredients you don't, to make it work with him, other than perhaps indifference, so let the two sociopaths have it! You are jealous he will be with someone else because u think she will get what u used to have, and he will improve for her and give better than he gave u in the end. WRONG. You give him waay to much credit to changing his core personality. And if you really can't abide thought of someone new....just imagine that the sex with her wasn't good and so he was thinking of you during Flattered?! No! That's cos knowing about sex him and other women is not going to satisfy you, which means that you are asking all the wrong questions in order to recover. It seems then that u have issues u need to solve.

 

THERE COMES A STAGE IN RECOVERY WHERE IF YOU ARE STILL STRUGGLING IT HAS LESS TO DO WITH THEM AND THE ENSUING BREAK UP THAN IT DOES YOU AND ISSUES YOU HAVE AND HAVEN'T ADDRESSED.

 

Stop putting it all on him. THis is you now.

[J_L_C]

Moving on and the possibility of a friendship in the way, way future? I just don't see that happening. If he ends up in a relationship I will be the farthest thing from his mind and IF they split up, SHE will be the fresh one in his mind. Ill be nothing but a distant memory if he remembers me at all.

[siankat]

Listen stubborn lady...obstinacy can be a virtue or a flaw, in this instance it is a flaw (i didnt even need to point that out did i), you have not given up one iota of being with him. I go back to what i suggested originally. Go back to him. See who he is, til you can't take it any more. Seems this is one lesson u will not learn from others and needs to be learnt the hard way first hand. Good luck

[Simon Phoenix]

Moving on and the possibility of a friendship in the way, way future? I just don't see that happening. If he ends up in a relationship I will be the farthest thing from his mind and IF they split up, SHE will be the fresh one in his mind. Ill be nothing but a distant memory if he remembers me at all.

 

Well, your track record in seeing things as they are has sucked terribly thus far.

[J_L_C]

Why am I soooo hung up on him? It kills me!