melina Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 Hi I have been with my boyfriend for over two years and things are really lovely. I am 28, he's 31 and I have never received so much love and have never been so happy in my life. He's great, has never let me down, we live together and he ALWAYS calls once or twice a day when he's away on business, lets me into all of his life and just behaves perfect. Or at least has never given me a reason to worry. And yet, I am so scared that he could cheat on me!! It doesn't make sense! But let's say, as soon, as my period looks a bit different, or I have a bladder infection I believe he has given me a STD because he could have slept with a girl on his lunch break or stupid ideas like that! I really believe that he is a good one but do not know where this behaviour comes from. My last boyfriend was unfaithful but I feel like I can clearly keep those two apart in my head. Without being rassist here but I am from a country where people don't really sleep around, girls are considered "bad" if they do. Now, he's English and told me that in his single times he would have a few one night stands back home, or even end up in bed with a work colleague or so. Now, he's been to my country for six years and even when he was single only slept with someone when he went back to England as he said that it was just impossible to pick up here. Maybe, what's worrying me is that he is from a society (England) where some girls throw themselves at guys and maybe that's why I'm worried whenever he goes back or has an English friend in town that it would just be so easy for him to be unfaithful. He's a very good looking and successful guy, with everything going for him. I am really not necessarily the obsessive type but am scared that I'm ruining this relationship as he couldn't possibly give me more love and emotional support and all I do is worry and control him! Or, do you believe in the ultimate female intuition and I can sense that he is the BIGGEST LYAR and THE BEST ACTOR in the world (don't really believe that option myself) Thanks so much for your ideas :-)
savethedrama4allama Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 Hi there. Normally I advise people to trust their instincts. However, sometimes people are just paranoid for no reason. Worrying that he cheated on you on his lunch break and being paranoid he has given you an STD all the time tells me that you are being irrational. Sometimes people get insanely jealous with no basis, perhaps you should look into counseling.
Merin Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 I agree with savethedrama... It is one thing if your mate is giving you signals and signs that they are cheating on you (and IMHO) just because he's had past sexual relationships doesn't make him a "canidate" to cheat on you. I believe you are carrying around baggage from your last relationship where the guy was unfaithful to you, and you are expecting him to do the same thing. You need to get some resolution to your insecurities about yourself... before you fulfill your own prophecy... No one likes being accused unfairly or unjustly... and I believe that sometimes (not always) but when you give a person a name (for long enough) eventually they will decide to have the game as well.....
PUHLEEEZE..... Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 Until you can be sure in your mind of this man's fidelity and commitment to you, you should not be sleeping with him.
Layla Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? What does he think about it? How does he react?
lil old me Posted October 5, 2004 Posted October 5, 2004 Well, here's my opinion from my own experience. I was married to my highschool sweetheart for 15 years(with him for 20)and had four children with him. He cheated on me more than a couple of times, but I kept taking him back. Finally, it just added up to too much and I divorced him. Many more issues there that I won't get into!!!! So then, a couple years after it was over between my husband and me, I met this guy. We were just friends at first and talked about everything. We felt the same way about all the important issues in life, he was mature, my kids love him. I really feel this man is my soul mate. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. One problem we've had is that sometimes there are little triggers that go off in my head when he does something that subconciously reminds me of my ex. This man is nothing like my ex, but still, I catch myself projecting the stuff my ex did on him. I realize when I do that now and stop myself. He's had the same problem, his ex was a real peach! But after a lot of talking we both know that we do that occasionally, and realize it for what it is. This might not be your problem at all. It's just a thought. So, take a moment and look at the situation. I believe that when you love someone, you have to take that chance and trust them, hard as it may be. Trust him until he gives you a good tangable reason not to.
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