maestrok Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Met a guy a few months ago. Dated for about a month, which did involve sleeping together. I liked him, which I did tell him. He seemed to like me too but he was reluctant to get serious for he travels a lot for work. His reluctance spurred distrust in me so I stopped responding to his texts. It's been about two months since the last communication. I do think of him often and kind of miss him. Would it be worth reaching out and talk to him again? Any thoughts or suggestions?
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Put yourself in his shoes. he attempted to keep in touch. you blocked off his texts by not replying. Now you want to get back in touch.... "What am I, some casual fall-back, hook-up guy? Are you kidding me? Talk when it's convenient for you? Get outta here!" Nope. I wouldn't risk it. Bad idea.
Author maestrok Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 This is a perspective that I had not actually thought of at all. Just to say in my defense, I did not respond to his text because I felt like he was seeing me just to have some casual fun but not serious enough to ask me out officially. I mean ... a month of constant dating involving sex and still not asking a girl out .. Idk how seriously attracted the guy could be. right?
luvflower Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 This is a perspective that I had not actually thought of at all. Just to say in my defense, I did not respond to his text because I felt like he was seeing me just to have some casual fun but not serious enough to ask me out officially. I mean ... a month of constant dating involving sex and still not asking a girl out .. Idk how seriously attracted the guy could be. right? good point. i typically feel like a guy should step up to the plate and will, if he really wants you. HOWEVER, all guys are not like that especially if they're shy or socially awkward. is he shy? just asking bcuz he guys in my thread was. and i pulled back from him a lot due to that and some other issues that he had. nobody's perfect so if you really are interested, there's nothing wrong with starting the dialogue about where you two may or may not be going. unless you'd rather stay in the dark ...aka don't ask don't tell.
Author maestrok Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Oh he's definitely NOT shy at all. He's pretty social and seems to have dated many many women before (and constantly dating). I mean I am interested but guess I'm just a coward - I am scared of getting hurt whether be it my heart or ego. Especially at this point, presumably knowing that the guy is not as serious or eager.
Author maestrok Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 And given TaraMaiden's comment above, if I ever decide to reach out, I don't know what to say to avoid eliciting such kind of response from him. or at least get one at all. Ha. Any suggestions?
BluEyeL Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Reach out if you are emotionally prepared to be blown off.
Author maestrok Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Reach out if you are emotionally prepared to be blown off. Are you a guy? Would this be a typical guy's response if I do reach out?
BluEyeL Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Are you a guy? Would this be a typical guy's response if I do reach out? No, I'm not a guy, I"m a woman. You have to be emotionally prepared to either reaction, we have no idea what's in his head. So get OK with the idea of rejection, and I hope he doesn't blow you off. Good luck!
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Met a guy a few months ago. Dated for about a month, which did involve sleeping together. I liked him, which I did tell him. He seemed to like me too but he was reluctant to get serious for he travels a lot for work. His reluctance spurred distrust in me so I stopped responding to his texts. It's been about two months since the last communication. I do think of him often and kind of miss him. Would it be worth reaching out and talk to him again? Any thoughts or suggestions? be honest - do you miss him, solely, or do you miss him - AND the sex....?
Author maestrok Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 be honest - do you miss him, solely, or do you miss him - AND the sex....? Lol. Seriously. I was not even thinking about that at all. I just miss dating him.
apple OR orange Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 you made your bed, you have to lay in it... you cant decide you want to talk and expect him to be ok with that..... its called forward planning and only companies do this it seems.
othersideofthepillow Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Im a guy and here's how I would take it. I would be surprised that you would initiate contact with me. Now, that doesn't mean that I would jump head first in to dating you again. IF I still had any kind of romantic feelings for you I wouldn't tell you right off the bat either. That would come in time. Ppl will tell you that the "ship has sailed" or "too late" but there is nothing wrong with reaching out to him. Yeah it was a bit messed up to completely cut him off and not text him back, but, ppl make mistakes and ppl change. If you like him, contact him. You never want to live with regrets because you are afraid of rejection or not getting what you want at the exact moment you want it. 2
ja123 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Go back to square one. You stopped responding to his texts because your needs weren't being met: you want a relationship, a BF, where there can be progression. And he clearly said in words and actions that he was unavailable for that. Answer: find someone else who you can have what you were hoping to have with him. Otherwise, the most you'll get by reaching out to him, if he doesn't reject you, is a FWB situation. I'd say cultivate some other dating options and move on. 1
escafeld Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 This is a perspective that I had not actually thought of at all. Just to say in my defense, I did not respond to his text because I felt like he was seeing me just to have some casual fun but not serious enough to ask me out officially. I mean ... a month of constant dating involving sex and still not asking a girl out .. Idk how seriously attracted the guy could be. right? But you were seeing him for casual fun too! It didn't cross your mind to 'ask him out'? You might have been pleasantly surprised by the response.
escafeld Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Im a guy and here's how I would take it. I would be surprised that you would initiate contact with me. Now, that doesn't mean that I would jump head first in to dating you again. IF I still had any kind of romantic feelings for you I wouldn't tell you right off the bat either. That would come in time. Ppl will tell you that the "ship has sailed" or "too late" but there is nothing wrong with reaching out to him. Yeah it was a bit messed up to completely cut him off and not text him back, but, ppl make mistakes and ppl change. If you like him, contact him. You never want to live with regrets because you are afraid of rejection or not getting what you want at the exact moment you want it. Sound advice.
clia Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 If you want to contact him in the hopes that he has changed his mind and wants a relationship with you, don't bother. He still doesn't want a relationship with you. (He told you that.) However, if you want to try to contact him for casual dating and/or sex (and you can keep your emotions in check), then feel free. But don't be surprised if he doesn't respond. He's probably already moved on to other women. And seriously, he isn't going to change his mind about not wanting a relationship with you. 1
othersideofthepillow Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 If you want to contact him in the hopes that he has changed his mind and wants a relationship with you, don't bother. He still doesn't want a relationship with you. (He told you that.) However, if you want to try to contact him for casual dating and/or sex (and you can keep your emotions in check), then feel free. But don't be surprised if he doesn't respond. He's probably already moved on to other women. And seriously, he isn't going to change his mind about not wanting a relationship with you. Not always the case. As a guy, sometimes we don't have the same timing as women and want the "relationship" when they do. But with time, we can definitely have a change of wants/desires and want to start dating them at a later time.
Kamille Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Here's what isn't clear: Whether you want a casual or a romantic connection. Here is what you do know: He wanted a casual relationship. From your own words, that is why you decided to stop being in contact. Has anything changed in your perspective since then? Would you be able to have a purely casual relationship with him? If the reason you miss him is because you are still hoping for a romantic connection, I suggest you avoid contacting him. 1
clia Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Not always the case. As a guy, sometimes we don't have the same timing as women and want the "relationship" when they do. But with time, we can definitely have a change of wants/desires and want to start dating them at a later time. Fair enough. 1% of the time the guy might change his mind. However, if that were the case here, he would have probably contacted her by now, right?
Author maestrok Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Here's what isn't clear: Whether you want a casual or a romantic connection. Here is what you do know: He wanted a casual relationship. From your own words, that is why you decided to stop being in contact. Has anything changed in your perspective since then? Would you be able to have a purely casual relationship with him? If the reason you miss him is because you are still hoping for a romantic connection, I suggest you avoid contacting him. Oh no - I never said that he wanted a casual relationship. I have no way of knowing what he really wants for he never said it one way or the other. His words and actions seem to indicate that he was not pursuing serious relationship either in general at the moment or with me in particular (which I also don't know). And like I said, I felt like most of the times guys will make it obvious if they want get serious with you. Since I couldn't even be certain whether he was even genuinely interested in me or not, I felt like my feelings did not matter at that point, if you know what I mean...
Author maestrok Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Fair enough. 1% of the time the guy might change his mind. However, if that were the case here, he would have probably contacted her by now, right? so.. if he were interested, you think he would have contacted me out of the blue, even after two months of no contact?
Kamille Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Oh no - I never said that he wanted a casual relationship. I have no way of knowing what he really wants for he never said it one way or the other. His words and actions seem to indicate that he was not pursuing serious relationship either in general at the moment or with me in particular (which I also don't know). And like I said, I felt like most of the times guys will make it obvious if they want get serious with you. Since I couldn't even be certain whether he was even genuinely interested in me or not, I felt like my feelings did not matter at that point, if you know what I mean... He seemed to like me too but he was reluctant to get serious for he travels a lot for work. His reluctance spurred distrust in me so I stopped responding to his texts. Could you tell me more about this reluctance? He never actually said he was reluctant to get serious because he travels a lot for work? But it was something that his actions led you to believe? Could you tell us more about what actions made you think he was reluctant to get serious?
Author maestrok Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Here's what isn't clear: Whether you want a casual or a romantic connection. That's a good point. I want a romantic connection but guess it does not have to be THAT serious right now. All I am clear right now is (1) I don't want FWB situation, and (2) I do genuinely miss him and I wonder how he's doing..
Author maestrok Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Could you tell me more about this reluctance? He never actually said he was reluctant to get serious because he travels a lot for work? But it was something that his actions led you to believe? Could you tell us more about what actions made you think he was reluctant to get serious? I PMed you - did it go through?
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