Mauigirl8 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Hey everyone so here's my long overly dramatic story. I met this guy at a club through a mutual friend about three months ago, we hit it off Like crazy and I made the effort to reach out to him on a social network the next day. He asked for my number and we began talking, we were on the island of Oahu at the time but he was currently going to college in the states and just back for a break and I was moving back to Maui so we couldn't hangout again because he flew back to az the next day but we began communicating via phone every day, we both agreed we have a strong mutual connection and within the first week of us talking he made plans to come see me for 2 weeks in June in Maui after he was done with his Oahu trip. But I ****ed it all up I went crazy on him a few time doubting his feelings and saying he was just in it for physical ext ect. He called off the trip about a week ago after the worst blowout. Since then I feel devastated. I've never felt this connection with anyone and more sad I self ruined it. I've made several attempts to contact him since we agreed to stop talking and he replies each time more distant an scared then the previous. I know If I ever want him To talk to me again I need to give him space he used to be so into it. Is there any hope to work it out if I leave him alone for a bit ?
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Yeah.... that's pretty dramatic. I don't think you're gonna salvage this one my friend. Sorry.
Author Mauigirl8 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Even if I play it off good??? He was sooo into me at first and says he still finds me beautiful and that he thinks I'm Good person but that I'm Too much for him ****k can't believe I blew It
BC1980 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I'll tell you what can end a relationship really fast and be a deal breaker. Over the top emotions and over-reacting. I think that can be more of a deal breaker than a lot of other things.
Author Mauigirl8 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 I realize that now! My emotions were way too intense and way too irrational... I tried salvaging things last night by sending him Naked pics he still was distant.. And I lost my Last bit of dignity doing that. Is there anyway to make myself look sane to him 1
BC1980 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 There is no way to salvage this that I can see. People do not want someone who seems emotionally unstable. Sending naked pics. . . . he sees that as desperate probably and over the top. It just made things worse. Learn from it, let it go, and keep moving. I know it's hard. I'm not judging, but you just can't do stuff like sending naked pics in this situation and seeming emotionally unstable. I think men, especially, don't like a woman seeming emotionally over the top. 2
Janesays Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 If 'a bit' means 'a couple of years,' maybe. If 'a bit' means a few weeks, no way in h ell.
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The minute you have to start sending a man naked pics to manipulate him for some attention, all chances (well, almost all) of a decent respectful relationship are thrown out the window. Men do not like dramatic emotion. They tolerate it from girlfriends they know, but if you show it so soon, they will run. You need to look within yourself to figure out why you did this and address it so you don't do it again. Don't be that girl.
Leigh 87 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I have been there done that.. With the guy I did it to - I just left him alone and stopped contacting him altogether. He came back months later when he was horny and single, so yes people do get over things, but do not count on him coming back as that WOULD be crazy; I moved on to another guy and was not interested when the last dude came back. The point is: yes if you back off NOW you will do FAR less damage than if you keen contacting him! STOP. Do NOT contact him again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Learn for next time please! Do not get too caught up - enjoy the MOMENT without thinking too far ahead about how serious your going to get with them! PLEASE learn for the next time!
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 metal chick, aka thread killer this is why mauigirl8 started another thread... 2
escafeld Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Hey everyone so here's my long overly dramatic story. I met this guy at a club through a mutual friend about three months ago, we hit it off Like crazy and I made the effort to reach out to him on a social network the next day. He asked for my number and we began talking, we were on the island of Oahu at the time but he was currently going to college in the states and just back for a break and I was moving back to Maui so we couldn't hangout again because he flew back to az the next day but we began communicating via phone every day, we both agreed we have a strong mutual connection and within the first week of us talking he made plans to come see me for 2 weeks in June in Maui after he was done with his Oahu trip. But I ****ed it all up I went crazy on him a few time doubting his feelings and saying he was just in it for physical ext ect. He called off the trip about a week ago after the worst blowout. Since then I feel devastated. I've never felt this connection with anyone and more sad I self ruined it. I've made several attempts to contact him since we agreed to stop talking and he replies each time more distant an scared then the previous. I know If I ever want him To talk to me again I need to give him space he used to be so into it. Is there any hope to work it out if I leave him alone for a bit ? I'd like to know your relationship history with others, do you do long term? It sounds like you subconsciously rolled a grenade under the door because you were scared of your feelings for this man and more importantly fear commitment..so the prophecy became a self-fulfilling one and created the outcome your reptilian brain desired..you scared him off, he ran! Your cognitive brain after reflection brings you here to seek answers so you can re-connect with this man. As others have said it's probably best you leave him be whilst you're still 'processing' your feelings and long term intentions.
mishy Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 as much as this sets feminism back to say it- men do prefer women do be passive and just let things happen. if only i knew this 5 years ago. Just let it go
escafeld Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 as much as this sets feminism back to say it- men do prefer women do be passive and just let things happen. if only i knew this 5 years ago. Just let it go I disagree, passivity came come across as ambivalence, another relationship killer. We all, irrespective of our gender what partners who are attentive, loving and willing to participate fully in a relationship. 1
Xinreeki Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I disagree, passivity came come across as ambivalence, another relationship killer. We all, irrespective of our gender what partners who are attentive, loving and willing to participate fully in a relationship. You have to get the balance between, attentiveness and passivity right I suppose, and that balance will likely be different for different people. In this case though, I think you've crossed the line OP. Which is sad. I've done stupid things in the past and pushed guys away, and I still struggle with my emotions even now sometimes. But in cases like this, all you can really do, is do your best to move on, let it go, learn from the experience and try not to repeat the same mistakes with the next guy you like. I'm sorry you've had to go through such intense emotions though. I know it can be rough. If you are really struggling emotion-wise, I would recommend that you seek help, maybe go to a doctor? As I told my doctor how much I was struggling with depression / anxiety and now I'm on medication which helps me a little to keep my emotions in check. I wish you all the best OP.
Leigh 87 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 OP - also, remember that the way you express your feelings early on in the dating process is VERY DIFFERNET to how you can just express your love so freely once your in a long term and committed relationship. As I mentioned in your other thread: in my early 20's I scared that dude off. It was a year later he came back actually. They do forget sometimes, as long as they think your really hot (being honest) and/or their desperate for sex enough to brave the unknown (the psycho ex!) Although I do not scare guys off at first now (which I DID have to learn from as you have had to do!) , I DO realllllly act full on in a relationship. In terms of how much I tell then I love them and text and call them. My ex loved it, and when I stopped texting a lot he was like where's Leigh 87 awww I miss your silly texts I told him I loved him a lot, initiated good morning and goodnights ( but I let him initiate enough to realise he would do it every night if I never did) I also told him how much I loved him, had my fair share of psycho blow outs regarding him and other women (when there was no evidence or reasoning to believe he cheated), and in the end he LEFT: He did not leave because of all those things though. Look, my point is: yes come on strong and make a guy feel INCEDIBLY loved and adored, my ex would constantly tell me how much he loved how I was so loving towards him. In the beginning though, it will make you look PSYCHO and overzealous. A bunny boiler. "THAT GIRL" as the other poster described (that you DO NOT want to be!). You are only supposed to tell a guy how crazy you are about him ONCE he has been in a committed relationship with you and seen you without make up and been around you enough for you to be comfortable knowing that he loves you TOO MUCH to leave you every little time you, well.. MISBEHAVE! At the beginning, yes the guy should be all sweet to you and say things that make you hang out for more... but it should not be TOOOO full on, with both people proclaiming their undying love for each other LOL. Or carrying on about cheating will also have the same affect as will coming on to strongly. EXPRESS your interest. RETURN their texts, and if they initiate enough at least once a day, YOU initiate them too! DO NOT mention other women to begin with. EVER. They DO NOT want to talk about their exes. The only thing you need to tall about regarding them cheating is this: before making a date with them, you have to have a chat to them and explain that look, you do not date cheaters and you need to be on the same page in that regard; NO former serial cheaters. And I probably would not even bring that up until your really starting to fall for them, at which point you will need to have that talk before you invest more. Which is fair enough. A simple " so, do you have a history of cheating, we all make mistakes and I won't judge, but I need to be honest with me if we are to continue"
KatZee Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Yeah this is completely unsalvageable. You really went OD on him, seriously. There is no chance you will ever date him, you're officially the "crazy chick" he met in Hawaii. I get that you felt a connection, but good lord girl, RELAX. You can't just jump down a guy's throat like this because it freaks them out. Especially since you guys weren't even a couple. You met him, spent a few days together, he left. To then freak out the way you did....it's honestly scary. There was never a relationship between you two, so there's no history. No foundation. Nothing. He doesn't feel that need to "try again" or give you that second chance because there was never anything there. And trying to salvage this with naked pictures?! You act like a crazy person and then pull the desperation act. Ugh. Girl. Really not attractive at all. Please stop contacting him. It's done. Finito. Get control of your mood swings before dating someone else.
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