fortyninethousand322 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Wow, I actually thought you were much older for some reason lol. I'm actually older than you are. Why haven't you had your first kiss? Women don't like me like that. Never have really. I think I might have had a chance to kiss a girl once. Years ago. But I got nervous and gave her a hug instead...
Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Most people aren't outliers. Why choose to be average? Or more aptly, why choose to be below average?
BluEyeL Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Not many women will have a baby with a guy in a house with five strangers. Huh? The guy was my husband of 7 years at that point, and we were both in graduate school, what "guy"? We couldn't afford an apartment. When the baby arrived, we got an apartment within a couple of months. We got furniture from the street/trash, some friends gave us some stuff too. You have no idea. We were happy, actually. I rode that bike pregnant, until I couldn't pedal anymore, that's when we got a 800$ car, 200K miles on it. Life is tough, that's the point.
BluEyeL Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 25 is not bad, you still have enough time. Just get up and fight. 3
skydiveaddict Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 No offense, it's just not something I believe in any way, shape or form. I roll my eyes when they play the national anthem at baseball games. It's not an anti-American thing either, I wouldn't serve in any military of any nation on this earth. Under any circumstances... The reason I asked is because the military would give you a sense of purpose, self confidence, job skills, physical fitness. I suspect it's not a moral objection you have but rather you are afraid to move ahead with your life. 3
BluEyeL Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I didn't put up with the hardship to be with a guy, I put up with it and more, to be able to build a life in the US starting from zero. I came alone, brought him in 6 months later. I found him a professor who took him. When I got into the office at the Department to ask about the husband's application to grad school, the secretary told me to get out of there. She said "get out". So what did I do? I went on the hallway and sat on the floor for an hour or so, until I saw a professor I knew, ran after him and convinced him to accept my husband to grad school. Fast forward one year later, I was 3 months pregnant, when the husband said he doesn't like that university, and he'll leave me there and go to another one a few states away. The professor called me into his office and said: "if you don't convince your husband to come back, I'll make sure you'll never get a teaching assistant position in this department, and you're pregnant, you need the money." No pussyfooting around it, told me straight. I asked him to give me three weeks, I'll bring him back. Like I wanted to be pregnant, broke and alone, he didn't need to threaten. Memories.
Pompeii Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The reason I asked is because the military would give you a sense of purpose, self confidence, job skills, physical fitness. I suspect it's not a moral objection you have but rather you are afraid to move ahead with your life. Lol. The only thing you get with a career in the military is PTSD and a heart full of broken dreams.
Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The reason I asked is because the military would give you a sense of purpose, self confidence, job skills, physical fitness. I suspect it's not a moral objection you have but rather you are afraid to move ahead with your life. Ding ding ding!
skydiveaddict Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The military by demeaning and harassing you starting in basic training and extending through out your entire service will give you self-confidence? Yes Once you get out employers will act like you are unemployable and you haven't been doing anything for the past few years with no marketable job skills as they promised in the brochures and expensive ad campaigns having to resort to begging for handouts and starting your life all over again. I see. Where did you read that? On the internet? You seem like an expert on this. Or are you just bored since the "occupy wall street" movement failed? 1
SJC2008 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 In fact, an extremely career-oriented man may not be a good fit for me, because he'd be away working too much, and not devoting time to his family. Plus I'm not materialistic. I'm happy living a modest life. The size of a boring house doesn't excite me. I do definitely value ambition and passion for learning as character traits. I don't mean to knock success - I appreciate it. It just doesn't come before so many other more important preferences. It's not what really matters or makes me happy. Am I different that way, or what do other women think? My perspective may also be affected by the fact that I have a good career, and I'm confident I'll always make ends meet. So maybe I just have the luxury of not worrying about it so much... I'm not a woman but here's my 2 cents: People like us are about the simple things. We'd rather be happy than rich. It doesn't mean we'd turn over the money if we won the lotto it just means it doesn't take as much to make us happy as others. My "happiness" is a house, a dirt bike, boat, jet ski, season tickets to the Texans and a great woman to share it all with! I don't think that list is overly materialistic and I think it's very realistic and attainable. Hell I already have a boat and dirt bike! My boat is ugly as hell and gets the evil eye from time to time but it runs and floats and I've towed in boats way newere lol! Sooo, all I need is a jet ski, season Tickets to the Texans (about $1400 a year for a pair of good seats), a house and a great women and I'm SET! 2
jma500 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Ding ding ding! How is being in the military getting on with your life? Do you read newspapers or watch tv news? I will bet not. If you did you would see how many men and women are dying young, being horrifically injured, mentally scarred for life, have you seen the statistic of how high the suicide rate for active military is? This is getting on with your life? I think not. As for your comment about living in a ghetto. Apparently you have never been anywhere near one. The crime rate in those places is incredible. Drug dealers control those places. Management is non-existent leaving squalor. People living in those places live in a state of constant despair thus drug use is rampant. These two items show me you have a twisted mind telling someone who is struggling to live in a place or join a profession that in all likelihood could get him killed. what 49 needs is intelligent advice for his problems not belittling for each post that he disagreed with you. 1
serial muse Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 (edited) I have seen some studies over the years suggesting it is very important to women so much so they would pick a very obese man the kind who look pregnant all the time over a fit supermodel. Many women are resources focused since the female fantasy is still a male as provider. This is so bizarrely extreme. My only options are an obese wealthy man or a male supermodel without a pot to piss in? How about an average Joe doing just fine? Returning to the real world...I haven't ever really sought out financial success, per se. Able to feed and clothe and house yourself works for me. I don't make huge amounts of money, but I do OK and can support myself just fine, plus I have a career that I really like. I guess I was seeking the same, and found it in my H. I guess for me the "success" lies in a strong sense of self, not in financial success. In my previous marriage, my exH was constantly changing jobs and trying to figure out who he was, and for a long time I tried to be supportive and stand back and let him work it all out. But eventually his frustration with his personal struggle led him to resent my academic success, and let me tell you, that got old real fast. One other thing about degrees -- I happen to have a lot of them. I liked school, and the environment of academia. I don't need my partner to have the same number of degrees, not by a long shot. But an openness to learning is really important to me. It's the thing that keeps us from going stagnant, IMO. So an outright rejection of academic achievement - including mine - isn't going to sit well...especially if it's because that person is feeling insecure about it. I absolutely love that my H is flat-out proud of me, and is also very much OK with his own path. :love: Edited May 21, 2013 by serial muse 1
Treasa Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 A financially stable, independent man who can support himself and still be able to do the occasional thing out is perfect. I don't care about someone having a degree. He just needs to be able to provide for himself.
soccerrprp Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Because I have an advanced degree, and I'm afraid that a man without a degree could be threatened by that. That's all. Otherwise I wouldn't care, as long as the guy is intelligent and hardworking. Also, might be baggage from my marriage. My ex husband's reason for leaving the family was the fact that he felt less successful than me in his career. although he held the same degree as me. He even told me "when I married you, I didn't know you were so smart":laugh: and "two people need to be at similar levels for things to work out, I'm too much below you" Right. I'm with you BluEyeL....yeah, "RIGHT." That is horse radish, BS..... 1
clia Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Financial success is probably number one on my list these days. I’m not a big subscriber to the viewpoint that all you need is love to be happy in life. Life is vastly easier when you aren’t worrying about how you are going to pay your bills. It’s one less stressor to any relationship. It’s also a lot more fun. Plus, I’m 38 years old and have had a very successful career that is only getting better. I want to travel and retire early. At this point in my life, I need a man who is in the same boat as me. For most (but of course, not all) people, financial success is tied to ambition and work ethic, and I’ve found I’m just not compatible with men that don’t have those qualities. It’s one thing to be 24 years old and trying to figure out what you are doing with your life, and your career path. When I was younger, financial success wasn’t quite so high on my list. It’s something else entirely to be 40 years old and making $20,000 a year as a retail clerk at Target or a bartender. By my age, I expect a guy to be able to carry his own weight, not flinch at a $100 dinner, have a nice house and a good retirement nest egg started. Of course, I don’t expect anything out of a man that I can’t offer in return. 1
Star Gazer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 How is being in the military getting on with your life? Do you read newspapers or watch tv news? I will bet not. If you did you would see how many men and women are dying young, being horrifically injured, mentally scarred for life, have you seen the statistic of how high the suicide rate for active military is? This is getting on with your life? I think not. As for your comment about living in a ghetto. Apparently you have never been anywhere near one. The crime rate in those places is incredible. Drug dealers control those places. Management is non-existent leaving squalor. People living in those places live in a state of constant despair thus drug use is rampant. These two items show me you have a twisted mind telling someone who is struggling to live in a place or join a profession that in all likelihood could get him killed. what 49 needs is intelligent advice for his problems not belittling for each post that he disagreed with you. The assumptions people make sometimes blows my mind. 1. I did not refer to joining the military as "getting on with your life." I merely agreed that he's AFRAID to get on with his life, as is evident by continuing to live at home and share a room with his brother. 2. I was in a relationship for over a year with an active duty soldier who deployed for the second time to Afghanistan just last year, and followed and continue to follow what's going on over there and within the Defense Department. So don't tell me I don't know anything about the military or military life. 3. Yes, I'm very familiar with the ghetto, more so than you are, most likely. However, again, I didn't tell him to go live in the ghetto. I said I would prefer to date a man who lived independently like an adult in the ghetto over a man who shares a room with his brother at his parents house.
BluEyeL Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Just as female desire is often centered around a dominant male, male desire is many times focused on a submissive female. I promise that the fact that I was dominant wasn't the problem, I wasn't dominant. The problem was that I was a complete doormat. And that's not good for anyone.
FitChick Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I heard that Trader Joe's pays $40K, which surprised me. Apply there. Apply for a job in the oil & gas industry, as was suggested. If your father, who is half blind and near retirement age can get a job, why can't you? Aren't you the guy who speaks Arabic? Teach it. You could even work from home by spying on radical Islamic groups online. You might uncover a nefarious plot and save many lives. No matter how many suggestions and ideas you give some people, they seem to revel in their misery. Their choice.
jma500 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The assumptions people make sometimes blows my mind. 1. I did not refer to joining the military as "getting on with your life." I merely agreed that he's AFRAID to get on with his life, as is evident by continuing to live at home and share a room with his brother. 2. I was in a relationship for over a year with an active duty soldier who deployed for the second time to Afghanistan just last year, and followed and continue to follow what's going on over there and within the Defense Department. So don't tell me I don't know anything about the military or military life. 3. Yes, I'm very familiar with the ghetto, more so than you are, most likely. However, again, I didn't tell him to go live in the ghetto. I said I would prefer to date a man who lived independently like an adult in the ghetto over a man who shares a room with his brother at his parents house. Actually being a low income housing property manager yeah i do. The building i managed for the last ten years was allowed to become one. I cleaned the building up and out. Making it a safe place to live.
FitChick Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 ... being a low income housing property manager... I cleaned the building up and out. Making it a safe place to live. Another great job idea -- become an apartment manager and live rent free.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The reason I asked is because the military would give you a sense of purpose, self confidence, job skills, physical fitness. I suspect it's not a moral objection you have but rather you are afraid to move ahead with your life. I have physical fitness. I'm fine with that. And yes, since you brought it up, I do have a moral objection to the military. Like I said there isn't a military in the world whose actions I support. The US military being a particularly egregious example, but by no means the only one. Again, no offense. I would not recommend military service to anyone personally. To each their own though I suppose. For the record, in college I wanted to work counter terrorism (for the federal government in some capacity). I know Arabic (though not fluently) and I studied the Middle East/North Africa and South Asia. That's what I wanted to do, but I changed my mind a few months after I graduated. I don't believe in the "war on terror" anymore. It's been an effort trying to find myself since. But I do know what I object to and where I draw the line...
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 As far as me moving ahead with my life. Yes, in some way I am reluctant to do that. I haven't accomplished what I want to have accomplished. Namely, get a girlfriend and kiss a girl. Probably not in that order but you know what I mean. I feel like I got cheated out of my 18-22 years when I had youth and hair. It's hard moving forward into full adulthood when you haven't really mastered adolescence...
soccerrprp Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Financial success is probably number one on my list these days. I’m not a big subscriber to the viewpoint that all you need is love to be happy in life. Life is vastly easier when you aren’t worrying about how you are going to pay your bills. It’s one less stressor to any relationship. It’s also a lot more fun. Plus, I’m 38 years old and have had a very successful career that is only getting better. I want to travel and retire early. At this point in my life, I need a man who is in the same boat as me. For most (but of course, not all) people, financial success is tied to ambition and work ethic, and I’ve found I’m just not compatible with men that don’t have those qualities. It’s one thing to be 24 years old and trying to figure out what you are doing with your life, and your career path. When I was younger, financial success wasn’t quite so high on my list. It’s something else entirely to be 40 years old and making $20,000 a year as a retail clerk at Target or a bartender. By my age, I expect a guy to be able to carry his own weight, not flinch at a $100 dinner, have a nice house and a good retirement nest egg started. Of course, I don’t expect anything out of a man that I can’t offer in return. Understood. May I ask how often a man is not to flinch over a $100 dinner for you? Personally, I can afford a $100 dinner, but if the expectations is that this is the expectation each time we go out to eat, then [cough]....you're too much woman for me!
jma500 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Another great job idea -- become an apartment manager and live rent free. Most management companies don't do this. This is common only with very small properties and requires maintenance skills as well.
clia Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Understood. May I ask how often a man is not to flinch over a $100 dinner for you? Personally, I can afford a $100 dinner, but if the expectations is that this is the expectation each time we go out to eat, then [cough]....you're too much woman for me! Definitely not every time we go out. I didn't become financially successful by blowing money left and right. But a nice dinner out once (or sometimes twice) a week is fairly normal for me. Other nights we can cook in, grill in, or go somewhere cheaper. It's actually pretty easy to spend $100 on dinner in Chicago without even trying!
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