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Posted

Women, how important is a man's career to you? I'm a female, and I personally hardly prioritize it.

 

In fact, an extremely career-oriented man may not be a good fit for me, because he'd be away working too much, and not devoting time to his family. Plus I'm not materialistic. I'm happy living a modest life. The size of a boring house doesn't excite me.

 

I do definitely value ambition and passion for learning as character traits. I don't mean to knock success - I appreciate it. It just doesn't come before so many other more important preferences. It's not what really matters or makes me happy.

 

Am I different that way, or what do other women think?

 

My perspective may also be affected by the fact that I have a good career, and I'm confident I'll always make ends meet. So maybe I just have the luxury of not worrying about it so much...

Posted

 

Am I different that way, or what do other women think?

 

My perspective may also be affected by the fact that I have a good career, and I'm confident I'll always make ends meet. So maybe I just have the luxury of not worrying about it so much...

 

I don't know. I like your confidence here. You are comfortable, professionally, where you are and so, that leaves you the luxury of not worry too much about what the guy does as long as he's doing something that he, hopefully, enjoys and is productive.

 

I wish we ALL could be like this. :)

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Posted
I wish we ALL could be like this. :)
I am grateful for the cards I've been dealt. I don't mean to brag. And I don't know whether the fact that I have a career influences my preference. I've never wanted "stuff" as a kid. But I'm just wondering about what other women think ... do they size up earning potential when looking?
Posted

For me is important that they have a degree of sorts and a job. That's about it.

Posted
Why are degrees valued so highly in society? They're just pieces of paper, many of which don't even lead to jobs. :confused:

 

Because I have an advanced degree, and I'm afraid that a man without a degree could be threatened by that. That's all. Otherwise I wouldn't care, as long as the guy is intelligent and hardworking. Also, might be baggage from my marriage. My ex husband's reason for leaving the family was the fact that he felt less successful than me in his career. although he held the same degree as me. He even told me "when I married you, I didn't know you were so smart":laugh: and "two people need to be at similar levels for things to work out, I'm too much below you" Right.

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Posted
My ex husband's reason for leaving the family was the fact that he felt less successful than me in his career.
Holy moly. :confused::confused: Does he know his kids get your smart genes? I've dated somebody with a higher level of education than me, and one with a MUCH lower level of education. The one with the higher level of education seemed intimidated, while the one with the lower education thought my education and brain were completely awesome and considered me a prize. In that relationship, we brought complementary things to the table. :love:
Posted

He knows about the genes, but it was career competition. He doesn't visit his son anyway and rarely calls, so I guess he couldn't care less about the gene thing. He wanted the same kind of job I have, and he couldn't get it, couldn't stand to watch me every day have it. He has the same degree btw, just didn't have the same job, he wanted the same job. So now I kinda hate my career (in respect to dating, otherwise is pretty awesome) and hope men don't hold it against me :D

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Posted
He knows about the genes, but it was career competition. He doesn't visit his son anyway and rarely calls, so I guess he couldn't care less about the gene thing. He wanted the same kind of job I have, and he couldn't get it, couldn't stand to watch me every day have it. He has the same degree btw, just didn't have the same job, he wanted the same job. So now I kinda hate my career (in respect to dating, otherwise is pretty awesome) and hope men don't hold it against me :D

 

Yeah ... this is an example of one of the things I prioritize over a man's career potential: the ability to be a caring and devoted father. Some men absolutely love their children. And others... not so much.

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Posted
Yeah ... this is an example of one of the things I prioritize over a man's career potential: the ability to be a caring and devoted father. Some men absolutely love their children. And others... not so much.

 

That's a good attitude. :) I met my ex husband when we were both freshmen in college. It seems that he thought he was smarter than me....but we know that the wife always changes after marriage:p. In this case, she cheated, she got smarter than when they were dating :laugh: Just kidding, but well, this kind of insecurity can surface. Maybe not at this level, but it is one of my concerns.

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Posted
That's a good attitude. :) I met my ex husband when we were both freshmen in college. It seems that he thought he was smarter than me....but we know that the wife always changes after marriage:p. In this case, she cheated, she got smarter than when they were dating :laugh: Just kidding, but well, this kind of insecurity can surface. Maybe not at this level, but it is one of my concerns.

 

My first boyfriend I met my freshman year in college. My whole family noticed he'd put me down. He was insecure.

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Posted

You just cant boil it down to "tangible" items like degrees and commendations. They are NO measure of ambition or intelligence. Some of the dumbest and laziest people that I know have higher education on their resume. Its nonsense.

 

Sure, I have a Bachelors degree...I have built several businesses from the ground up that are "blue collar" in natire and have absolutely NOTHING to do with my major. I know several PHd's that can barely tie there shoes and lack basic common sense. What does that tell you?

 

Some of the most intelligent people I know are self taught entrepeneurs. Some dont even have any formal education. I am NOT knocking formal education, just that its no way to measure anyone's true worth in the areas of intelligence, survival skills and ambition..

 

TFY

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Posted

I'm not looking for a partner to start a family anymore. I've had relationships with men both less and more successful than myself. I have to say that my experience has made me feel that yes, a mans success is important to me.

Not the money so much as ...he should be accomplished in whatever he has chosen as his life's work. Someone who has and is able to afford foreign travel.

I'm not opposed to paying for someone's way...but I think I have more in common with another experienced traveler.

 

Stuff is nice, but owning things doesn't make me happy. I prefer experiences. Now that I'm older, some of those experiences are high end.

 

I'm not opposed to dating A man of modest means at all, but I'm not sure if ultimately either of us would be happy with it. I'm kind of high maintenance, I'm old enough to admit it can be a pain in the ass. Some men deal with it better than others.

Posted

For me, some degree of ambition was always attractive...but by that, I largely mean passion, and talent. I always liked men who liked what they did, who spent time trying to improve themselves at it because it mattered. I also wanted to like what he did: I never wanted to date a shark corporate lawyer, or anyone who put money over ethics, or whose role just rang false to me in any way. I often found myself drawn to artistic types, science and tech geeks, men in the emergency rescue or medical fields, or teachers. I got very very serious about some artists who were quite talented and ambitious but without a pot to piss in, and ended up married to a science/tech geek with a tinge of the workaholic to him because he loves what he does. Sometimes his long hours can be difficult but I appreciate his shiny brain and his dedication and it is nice to know that we are financially secure, since we have kids. I also really like it that at the end of the day, he might be tired and stressed from work but he is fundamentally content with who he is and what he wrestles with all day when he is apart from us, and feels generally fulfilled in that way.

 

When I met him, my husband had a young child from a previous girlfriend, and another thing that really drew me to him was what a great dad he was.

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Posted
Why are degrees valued so highly in society? They're just pieces of paper, many of which don't even lead to jobs. :confused:

 

People with degrees generally have higher $$$ earning potential. Saying stuff like...he may be intimidated is just an attempt at a non-shallow cop-out. Most women are very concerned about how much money a man makes. I am not saying they are gold diggers, they just don't want to be homeless or be poorer than their friends. We can't be equals.

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Posted
Most women are very concerned about how much money a man makes.
Are you a man or woman? Is this your personal experience?
Posted

I do definitely value ambition and passion for learning as character traits. I don't mean to knock success - I appreciate it. It just doesn't come before so many other more important preferences. It's not what really matters or makes me happy.

 

Am I different that way, or what do other women think?

 

I'm with you on this Eggplant. And in fact I have an example in my life. Without going too much into detail, there is someone in my life I consider a friend, but I am attracted to and certainly curious about since I've been spending time with him. Just from getting to know him, and sharing some experiences/ adventures I've started to like him a lot. But the ways and how I feel for him really has nothing to do with his level of career success. I feel like he's amazing in how he keeps a positive mindset despite his not-so-great situation, and he's given me so much insightful words in the times we've had together.

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Posted
Most women are very concerned about how much money a man makes. I am not saying they are gold diggers, they just don't want to be homeless or be poorer than their friends. We can't be equals.

 

I have found that as well. It's not necessarily a bad thing, just a practical concern when you want to have a home and family. Some women carry it really far though, the whole must-marry-up-no-matter-what gets pretty funny sometimes.

Posted

I have never met a woman who didn't care about career success...

Posted

It means very little to me in and of itself. However, I notice that the guys I've been drawn to have all been in relatively high-flying career paths (though I first dated them when they were students, but all of them, including current bf, are quite successful now). It's probably not too much of a stretch to say that there's often a correlation between personality type and intellect, and career success.

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Posted
I've experienced the opposite.

 

I'm in my 20s and make over $100k. I've found that I got WAY more girls when I had no direction and was living in my mom's basement.

 

I still do okay, but I get nowhere near the quality of girls that I used to.

 

Thats your problem, my friend...Time to grow up and start looking for women..

 

Heck I had my way with the hottest girls in HS just because i was one of the stars of the wrestling team..

 

Get the point?

 

TFY

Posted
I am grateful for the cards I've been dealt.

 

I don't think of my personal financial security as "cards I've been dealt." I worked hard for it, and I would expect a mate to share my ambition for financial independence such that neither one of us have to depend on the other, as well as have passion for what he does for a living.

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Posted

Love and happiness trumps everything. There is something to be said about couples that build their dream together. I only have grade 12 and my biggest fear is about the people I leave behind. The good thing is that many of my friends will come with me because they believed in me, others will not. Do not worry about the opinions of others, live in the world that includes the one you love because you can't buy love but you can buy companionship. Everyone wants to be your friend when you are successful, it's the friends you have when you have very little that are real.

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Posted
I've experienced the opposite.

 

I'm in my 20s and make over $100k. I've found that I got WAY more girls when I had no direction and was living in my mom's basement.

 

I still do okay, but I get nowhere near the quality of girls that I used to.

 

I wonder how much more success I'd have if I had a paying job and my own place. Living with my parents and sharing a room with my brother probably puts a little bit of a damper on my dating prospects.

Posted
I wonder how much more success I'd have if I had a paying job and my own place. Living with my parents and sharing a room with my brother probably puts a little bit of a damper on my dating prospects.

 

Living at home as a grown man will definitely cramp your style, but I didn't know you also shared a room... :eek: Yeah, that's going to be a big problem.

 

Is there a reason why you don't live independently? Or at least, in your own room?

Posted
I wonder how much more success I'd have if I had a paying job and my own place. Living with my parents and sharing a room with my brother probably puts a little bit of a damper on my dating prospects.

 

Well, I'm guessing that the poster you quoted actually got those 'girls' when he was in his teens (given that it usually takes several years to go from 'no direction' to $100k/year, so if he's telling the truth, this is the only timeline that makes sense). To teenage girls, I think looks, charm, and 'fun' matters the most, hence them ignoring the fact that he lived in mom's basement. But in your case, in your age range, I do agree that having a paying job and your own place would help. Is there any reason you have not been able to get one for so long? Or are you a full-time student/volunteer for a cause/etc?

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