ddlovexx Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) Hey everyone, After a week of NC, I texted him this morning. I'm just angry that he can say he loves me and then leave me. He then proceeded to tell me everything I did wrong in the relationship. I then followed by saying I don't appreciate that, I would be blocking him, and that I wish him happiness and if it's meant to be, it will be in the future. He replied saying "I love you, always." This is what pisses me off. WHY. I feel like he's absolutely full of ****. You don't just leave someone you love, pretend I don't exist. (Long story short, he gave me the silent treatment for a week and I took that as a breakup because I don't deserve that... he eventually agreed when he spoke to me). As though we didn't share the past year together and our hopes for the future... I feel abandoned by this guy I thought I'd be with for the long run. So now I took two steps back and it hurts. I did block his number, which is a start I guess. I've got rid of all the pics, don't go to the same places as him, etc. But it's a fresh wound and I'm at the stage now where I feel as though I made a mistake. Maybe we shouldn't have broken up. I know it's not true... it's a breakup because it's broken but it hurts. I'm also dealing with trying to forgive myself. Though I did make mistakes in our relationship (everyone does) I've always apologized and I make a point to learn from them. I don't like that he felt the need to point out my flaws. I want to be better, for me and for the next. He's made mistakes too (so many that it made me realize I don't want to be with him) and he's made it seem as though it was all my fault. Ugh. I know I can't contact him again. The truth is he stopped putting me first months ago and if he truly loved me, he never would've let me go, right? Especially over nothing, we didn't even fight before the breakup. I'm just at the point where I miss him an awful lot and I'm upset. I was holding on okay the past few days and now I'm just upset again. I miss everything. Edited May 21, 2013 by ddlovexx
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 You can have feelings of love for somebody and know that you don't want to be in a relationship with that person anymore. Feelings may not die overnight, but the realization you no longer want to be with somebody should be respected. He's decided you're not the one for him. The rejection hurts. Accept it's over and start to heal yourself from the inside. You will be okay.
Author ddlovexx Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 (edited) I guess I'm also dealing with the loss and abandonment. I know I can't depend on someone all the time or whatever, I have to put myself first, but it's still tough. I was so skeptical in the beginning and very guarded because I didn't want to be hurt. He always promised he'd stay and in the beginning used to fight hard for me. And now it's all just a memory... I've been feeling pretty good lately but today I'm in the whole "well everyone will probably leave/nobody will love me" mindset. Deep down I know it's not true, I guess it's just a phase. This guy talked about marriage and kids with me... then just changed his mind? Edited May 21, 2013 by ddlovexx 1
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I guess I'm also dealing with the loss and abandonment. I know I can't depend on someone all the time or whatever, I have to put myself first, but it's still tough. I was so skeptical in the beginning and very guarded because I didn't want to be hurt. He always promised he'd stay and in the beginning used to fight hard for me. And now it's all just a memory... I've been feeling pretty good lately but today I'm in the whole "well everyone will probably leave/nobody will love me" mindset. Deep down I know it's not true, I guess it's just a phase. This guy talked about marriage and kids with me... then just changed his mind? It's a normal progression of the relationship to discuss these things. Do you know how many men I've discussed this possible future with? And guess how many times I've been married? Right now you feel alone. You're not going to find a relationship that leads to marriage if you stand guard all the time. You learn from each relationship and then move on. It sucks, but it's worth it.
EnTT Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The night is darkest before the dawn... Sorry if I sound cheesy jacking a quote from The Dark Knight of all movies, but I always found some truth in it.
Author ddlovexx Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 It's not meant to be right now and I keep thinking about how amazing it used to be. I just wish I didn't miss him so much. I'm in the "regret" stage and I guess it'll pass.
mfleck91 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I guess I'm also dealing with the loss and abandonment. I know I can't depend on someone all the time or whatever, I have to put myself first, but it's still tough. I was so skeptical in the beginning and very guarded because I didn't want to be hurt. He always promised he'd stay and in the beginning used to fight hard for me. And now it's all just a memory... I've been feeling pretty good lately but today I'm in the whole "well everyone will probably leave/nobody will love me" mindset. Deep down I know it's not true, I guess it's just a phase. This guy talked about marriage and kids with me... then just changed his mind? I know what you feel. Abandonment is how I described my breakup with my gf of 4 years, We talked about marriage and starting a family all the time. She flew me up north to meet her entire family, then 2 weeks later she left me for someone else. I know that it doesn't make any sense and we have several unanswered questions. They say they still care about us yet their actions say the opposite. I too have looked back and regretted some of the things I did or didnt do. I kept thinking of ways I could have been better and maybe we would still be together if I had done them. Now I realize that my ex had far more problems with herself than I did. I too want her back but I know it would never be the same if we got back together, I could never trust her again. You appear to be quite an attractive woman and shouldnt have a problem meeting someone else worth your time.
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 It's not meant to be right now and I keep thinking about how amazing it used to be. I just wish I didn't miss him so much. I'm in the "regret" stage and I guess it'll pass. At least you're aware of the stages you'll go through. You're miles ahead of some broken hearts! It's hard to hear it will get better, because it's so much easier to hang on to the pain and the "what if." But at some point, you'll just feel exhausted by it all and one day you'll be able to go several hours or days without dwelling. It sucks. I know.
BustedUpInside Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Just know that you are at the absolute worst part of a breakup. Where the dust has settled and the reality is starting to set in. The bad news is that this might last for a couple of weeks, but the good news is that it only gets better from here. This is the worst that you will ever feel about this individual again. Especially if you start NC now and then keep taking care of yourself. You can decide how you want it to go from here. No more backsliding. You have to take care of yourself from here on out. 2
Author ddlovexx Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 A week later and he has a new girlfriend. So ****ty. He deleted facebook when we were together but added it to add their relationship and blocked me. Could I feel any worse? I guess I meant nothing to him.
youngnlove89 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 A week later and he has a new girlfriend. So ****ty. He deleted facebook when we were together but added it to add their relationship and blocked me. Could I feel any worse? I guess I meant nothing to him. Relax sweetie. Take a deep breath. Just know he can't hurt you anymore, only if you let him. The next girl he hurts, won't be you. You are in control of yourself and your emotions now. I thought you blocked him? How do you know he has a girlfriend? Stop checking on him. You guys aren't together anymore, you can't control what he does. I know it hurts. Wipe those tears and go full throttle through the pain now. It will be okay *hugs* 1
Author ddlovexx Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 I got three texts from mutual friends this morning with a pic of the relationship on FB.
youngnlove89 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I got three texts from mutual friends this morning with a pic of the relationship on FB. Then your friends need to know that it hurts you to see that. You need to tell them to stop notifying you every time your ex wipes his hoo ha. You need to make that step.
Author ddlovexx Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 I think it was more of them showing me how much of a scumbag he is. Ugh this is the worst.
youngnlove89 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I think it was more of them showing me how much of a scumbag he is. Ugh this is the worst. That might have been their intention, but look where it got you...
aisuru Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I got three texts from mutual friends this morning with a pic of the relationship on FB. Your friends are a-holes. WHO does that to their friend that is hurting. AND three of them at that. GEEZO. Time for you to tell your friends you don't care to hear any updates on his life. The end. 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Your friends are a-holes. WHO does that to their friend that is hurting. AND three of them at that. GEEZO. Yeah, these don't really sound like the actions of the sort of support group you should be relying on. A friend shouldn't keep the truth from you but to send a picture like that by text message is not very sensitive to your feelings when they know that you have been going through a really rough time. 1
Author ddlovexx Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 It makes sense, I agree. Two of them were boys so (hello) they don't exactly understand what I'm going through. The 3rd was my older sister and I know she did it to push me away from him... in the whole "why would I wanna be with this douche" kinda way. I mean it worked in sorts. I don't want to be with him at all, in fact I want nothing to do with him... but hurts to think after a year I meant nothing and he could move on a week later.
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