Silly Girl924 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 35 days of no contact today. I probably shouldn't be counting, but I'm hoping he gets in contact. Is it possible?? Does it happen often? We've broken up and got back together before, and he was the dumper this time. I texted him mean things when he pissed me off and i wanted space before he decided to end it. We dated for four years and its only been the past few months that have been breaking up getting back together. I was hoping for talk face to face to fix it or end it. He wouldn't let it happen. He said on the phone to me "of course I miss you and I'm having a hard time with this, but that's why I'm seeing someone else now " (only a week after we broke up). He texted me before that saying "idk what to do I still love you I always will but I've been hanging out with someone else lately I can't be in a relationship with you right now I just want you to be happy and I wish you the best" I'm just really confused. Does it sound like I have hope?
siankat Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 possibly in the future but not now. that's what im getting from your post.
flitzanu Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 35 days of no contact today. I probably shouldn't be counting, but I'm hoping he gets in contact. Is it possible?? Does it happen often? We've broken up and got back together before, and he was the dumper this time. I texted him mean things when he pissed me off and i wanted space before he decided to end it. We dated for four years and its only been the past few months that have been breaking up getting back together. I was hoping for talk face to face to fix it or end it. He wouldn't let it happen. He said on the phone to me "of course I miss you and I'm having a hard time with this, but that's why I'm seeing someone else now " (only a week after we broke up). He texted me before that saying "idk what to do I still love you I always will but I've been hanging out with someone else lately I can't be in a relationship with you right now I just want you to be happy and I wish you the best" I'm just really confused. Does it sound like I have hope? he dumped you because he wanted to see other people. he's texting you sappy nonsense because he wants to keep you around for emergencies. 2
KPChick000 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Sorry to say...but he's moved on he said he is seeing/hanging out with someone else. Do not hold out hope (I know it's hard) and do not let yourself be a plan b.
Author Silly Girl924 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Maybe I'm being hopeful, but considering our 4 year relationship with hardly any fights and all the love we had and all the things we've been through, I believe him when he says it. I'm just hoping he gets in touch sometime. I feel like he's probably rebounding
Author Silly Girl924 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Maybe he has I just don't get how he could so quickly :/ when I was mad at him he kept begging to take me on a date to make up for it.. I said I needed to think about it and the next day I decided yes and he had already changed his mind! I'm hoping it'll be a "I made a huge mistake" or "I regret loosing you"
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I'm just going to paste here what I wrote a little bit ago on somebody else's thread: You can have feelings of love for somebody and know that you don't want to be in a relationship with that person anymore. Feelings may not die overnight, but the realization you no longer want to be with somebody should be respected. He's decided you're not the one for him. The rejection hurts. Accept it's over and start to heal yourself from the inside. You will be okay. 3
flitzanu Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Maybe I'm being hopeful, but considering our 4 year relationship with hardly any fights and all the love we had and all the things we've been through, I believe him when he says it. I'm just hoping he gets in touch sometime. I feel like he's probably rebounding that's what we all think. sad thing is though, that's no longer relevant. that was THEN, and this is NOW.
FailedFirstLove Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I just came out of a 4 year relationship as well so I know how hard it is to let go. Especially when majority of the relationship was good. If he can see someone else then it's showing that he wants to move on. Don't let him tie you down with all those misleading words before he gves you the fact. Which is his seeing someone else.
CelticGibson Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Actions speak louder than words. His words are meaningless when he's out there seeing other people with the intention of moving on. Take it for what it is, not for what you wish it to be. What you both had was great but it's done. People change and that's a fact of life. Time for you to do the same...
Author Silly Girl924 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Thanks everyone. I'm doing ok I think I'm just hoping that he's doing the whole "grass is greener on the other side" thing and maybe soon he'll realize what he lost and try to contact me. I'm not sure if that happens often but I've heard he's been off his rocker since the break up, I also know the girl he's with now is a skank (we used to be pretty good friends)
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Thanks everyone. I'm doing ok I think I'm just hoping that he's doing the whole "grass is greener on the other side" thing and maybe soon he'll realize what he lost and try to contact me. I'm not sure if that happens often but I've heard he's been off his rocker since the break up, I also know the girl he's with now is a skank (we used to be pretty good friends) Ummm, no, move on. Why would you want to be sloppy seconds to a "skank?" I know this is harsh, and I know it's hard to let go. But it won't get better. Find a better guy. Take care of you. You deserve the best. Both in yourself and from a guy. 1
Author Silly Girl924 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Thanks lol no not too harsh at all just because I totally agree with you. Like I said, I'm not sure how I'm totally feeling, I am doing well but some days are harder than others. I would never get back with him, I just think my pride is kinda hurt because I was the one crying on the phone to him from rejection and I guess I'm hoping the tables will turn at some point? I know in time that'll change and I won't care about it, but it's only been a month out of four years. My way of thinking about it now is he's actually really selfless and he does care about me because he let me go because he doesn't want me going down the path he's going down. Maybe its just my way of coping. I think I always subconsciously knew where he'd go too. (Lately, his path has been drinking and driving, drinking and four wheeling in his beautiful new daily drive truck, ruining his truck needing to get it towed, smashing mailboxes, and a variety of drugs.) So like I said, I think it's just a pride thing now thanks again everyone though I'm glad I found this site
flwoman2012 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Our situations are very similar. Break up & make ups--always me initiating due to his drinking or not having similar lifestyles. This time, he didn't call me back after I didn't answer his calls for 3 days but then called him back. Finally got him to talk and he said he didn't want to be tied down anymore. Eventually, I decided I'd rather be with him sometimes and give him his freedom, but it is so hard not hearing from him on days we didn't see each other. Last week I made myself only available to him on Thursday, and now I'm not seeing him all weekend. I've talked my situation over with many friends, and started reading books on relationships and co-dependency issues, etc., and I think after it hit me this weekend, that right now he has all the power. However, we we did see each other on Thursday, I told him I was starting to date. I figured if he didn't want to be tied down, then I was going to see other people. But as you know, it is hard when you're half in and half out of a relationship. I need to rip off the band aid. I was doing a search tonight on doomed relationships and found your post. So, I just wanted to share that I know what you're going through, and you & I both need to cut all ties and move on with our lives. I need to "rip off the band aid" so I can move through the various stages of grief and move forward in my life. I know that you have to let go of the past to move on with your future. There are so many appropriate quotes on facebook and I'm putting them on my desktop to try to convince myself. I have to just do it. Of course by take the stand on this, he might come around, but that has happened in the past. I also feel like he must be talking with someone on facebook or on the phone because he is getting ready to go to Puerto Rico where he lived when he was young. Maybe he is going to see someone. At one point he said he needed time to sort things out and talk after that visit. That visit is 2 weeks away. I"m tired of playing this game and feeling like an option in his life. I'll get back and let you know what I do. I also sympathize with you because like me, when it was the other person that ended it, it really took our power away and made us feel helpless and hopeless. I should speak for myself--but that's what I'm felt.
Leigh 87 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 The second they see other people, their feelings for you have died enough to allow them to be intimate with a new person. There is no going back now, unless you give it years. I know a girl who had a special relationship with a man. These two people broke each others hearts, once each. They parted ways even though they never met anyone else like each other since. The relationship was broken though so they had to move on, even though they were in love. It took YEARS.. YEARS for them to come back together. They had to date other people, find themselves more, and come to the realisation that they were best suited for each other, rather than moving on to more people. This is an EXTREMELY rare story okay. Not everyone is like Rhianna and Chris Brown, who broke up and could not help but find each other again! That sort of love is VERY RARE; and your boyfriend must not have that crazily deep love for you if he was able to move on and hook up in a matter of weeks! Sorry. He surely loved you to stay with you for 4 years, but it does not sound like the type of love that will result in another relationship. You should not WANT to be with a guy who is able to move on so soon from you.... The rare type of love two people feel that is strong enough to bring them together again for a second chance is VERY rare. Normally what happens, is later down the track the guy or girl will not have any good options, so they get into contact with their ex. They cannot find anyone better. They want to enjoy some time with a person they once loved and who they like to spend time with and have sex with.
Leigh 87 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Thanks everyone. I'm doing ok I think I'm just hoping that he's doing the whole "grass is greener on the other side" thing and maybe soon he'll realize what he lost and try to contact me. I'm not sure if that happens often but I've heard he's been off his rocker since the break up, I also know the girl he's with now is a skank (we used to be pretty good friends) My friend is a model, has a respected degree, and is a cool girl to be around. Her exes cheated and lied to her INCESSANTLY. When she kicked their @sses to the curb, they begged for her back because they could not find anyone "better". They were obviously not in love with her, but they loved the idea of being with a women that was everything they wanted on paper, and who they genuinely enjoyed being around. She said HELL NO. They literally begged for her back, asked her to marry them, and made it as clear as day that they wanted her back... ....The fact they were easily able to be intimate with other women so soon after they broke up meant that she would not accept men who obviously did not feel very strongly about her.
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