d0620 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I was second guessing myself about posting here but I really need support and advice. He asked to see me after 3 weeks not seeing him I missed him very much. On Friday he picked me up from work during lunch time and we had sex. On Saturday he asked me to go watch his first race of the year because he races cars. I was very excited because all his closest family and friends would be there and I thought it would be a perfect opportunity for us to try to close the deal and become committed. Well he got into a car accident at the race track on Saturday and fractured 5 ribs he is still in the hospital. Sunday I was at the hospital all day from open to close and only family visited that day from kids to baby mother to grand kids nieces and nephews. I met everyone. I felt like family. No other female visitors that day Well today two days after the accident everyone else found out about it friends, co workers past girlfriends, current women he see etc. it was in the newspaper so when I arrived at the hospital about an hour in he asked me to go home because he was tired and wanted to get some rest. He told me to call next time I come so I can see if he was up for company and don't feel like he is trying to rush me away because he was not. I told him I wouldn't come back and he said that's not it please don't take it that way, but I was devastated. It made me realize how much I actually did love him by witnessing such a bad accident and no matter how supporting I tried to be he let me know that I am not the one. I believe he wanted me to leave because he didn't want me to run into other women and hav me feel bad. I was at the accident supporting him, I was at the hospital after the accident supporting him and now that other people have found out he wants me to go home. I know its because he doesn't want me to see other women coming up to the hospital and have to explain to me or them who I am. I love this man so much but at this point I am thinking its probably best for me to leave now. What do you think?
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I think you should have stuck to NC when you first said you were going to. You might be further along the road to 'recovery' by now.... Breaking NC will rip you to pieces. And ripping NC again and again and again - will rip you to pieces again, and again and again. Checked your posting/thread history. Forgive me for saying so, but - You're really just wasting your time and ours. Until you implement NC, mean it, stick to it, and walk away from this right now, once and for all, this is just going to keep playing and re-playing like a tooth-grinding, achingly bad record. 2
flitzanu Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I think you should have stuck to NC when you first said you were going to. You might be further along the road to 'recovery' by now.... Breaking NC will rip you to pieces. And ripping NC again and again and again - will rip you to pieces again, and again and again. Checked your posting/thread history. Forgive me for saying so, but - You're really just wasting your time and ours. Until you implement NC, mean it, stick to it, and walk away from this right now, once and for all, this is just going to keep playing and re-playing like a tooth-grinding, achingly bad record. and also stop having sex with your ex after 3 weeks of not talking. 2
Author d0620 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 I want to walk away. I think most people do, but we get caught in this last ditch effort and hope they change their mind. My plan is to wait until be gets out the hospital recover my IPad from his sister because I let him borrow it. I thought if I could convince him that being in a commited relationship is not too bad and all of his family and friends like me it would be easier for him to make that leap. I took off work to spend time with him today and he asked me what did I do that for? I didn't know if it were the medication talking or what but it crushed my heart.
siankat Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 LOL sorry i haven't even read your post yet (i will), but the title sounds like 'oh my god i just broke NC and then wet myself from the excitement!!' 1
aisuru Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 and also stop having sex with your ex after 3 weeks of not talking. on a lunch break no less... *sigh*
siankat Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 S*** hun....do you know there is a guy posting on here that he is a racetrack driver and had an accident blah blah I dont know if that is your ex as im not going to spend ages looking for his post on this particular forum but he did post a thread in the last cupla days....
flitzanu Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I want to walk away. I think most people do, but we get caught in this last ditch effort and hope they change their mind. My plan is to wait until be gets out the hospital recover my IPad from his sister because I let him borrow it. I thought if I could convince him that being in a commited relationship is not too bad and all of his family and friends like me it would be easier for him to make that leap. I took off work to spend time with him today and he asked me what did I do that for? I didn't know if it were the medication talking or what but it crushed my heart. he's told you he wants his time and to call him and not just show up. you're doing the exact opposite of what he's asked you, so yeah, he's probably a little annoyed that you took off just to go smother him. also, NO, you are NOT GOING TO CONVINCE HIM that being in a relationship is "not too bad". you're really not paying attention to the things he is saying, and he is being very direct about what he's thinking and feeling. staying on the path you're on is just going to keep getting you hurt. 1
BC1980 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 You cannot convince someone to be in a relationship with you. It will actually push him further away if that is what you are trying for. It makes the person feel suffocated. Everyone has free will, and you cannot try to bend his. I think you should go NC and walk away from this one. I'm sorry, but you should never have had sex with him after NC for 3 weeks. You are really torturing yourself. Let him go, and find freedom in that. It will be a relief instead of playing mind games. 2
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I want to walk away. I think most people do, but we get caught in this last ditch effort and hope they change their mind. How many 'last-ditch efforts' have you made with this guy, though.....? My plan is to wait until be gets out the hospital recover my IPad from his sister because I let him borrow it. I thought if I could convince him that being in a commited relationship is not too bad and all of his family and friends like me it would be easier for him to make that leap. You thought... you mean you desperately hoped and wished.... the words 'flogging', 'dead' and 'horse' have sprung to mind.... I took off work to spend time with him today and he asked me what did I do that for? I didn't know if it were the medication talking or what but it crushed my heart. "Medication" would make him express the opposite,m I suspect. No. No 'medication' talk there......
Author d0620 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 The thing is he called me everyday of the NC and I didn't respond or call him. It was a moment of weakness and it led to this. I didn't think I was smothering him, I mean he was in a serious accident I thought he would want me there to support him as I was there when it happened. He was annoyed when I showed up to the hospital without calling but while I was there other people showed up as well and I KNOW they didn't call because he doesn't have a phone in his room. Yet I get the point. I just didn't know if this was the right time to disappear considering the circumstances.
flitzanu Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 The thing is he called me everyday of the NC and I didn't respond or call him. It was a moment of weakness and it led to this. I didn't think I was smothering him, I mean he was in a serious accident I thought he would want me there to support him as I was there when it happened. He was annoyed when I showed up to the hospital without calling but while I was there other people showed up as well and I KNOW they didn't call because he doesn't have a phone in his room. Yet I get the point. I just didn't know if this was the right time to disappear considering the circumstances. also just to be clear, it's no judgement that you slept with him, only that it's a seriously bad emotional thing for YOU to do. and no, just because he is in the hospital, it's obvious he has plenty of people there to support him, and he's being clear that he doesn't want you there. it sucks, i know, but again...if you keep smothering, he's going to just get meaner.
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The thing is he called me everyday of the NC and I didn't respond or call him. It was a moment of weakness and it led to this. I didn't think I was smothering him, I mean he was in a serious accident I thought he would want me there to support him as I was there when it happened. He was annoyed when I showed up to the hospital without calling but while I was there other people showed up as well and I KNOW they didn't call because he doesn't have a phone in his room. Yet I get the point. I just didn't know if this was the right time to disappear considering the circumstances. You're his ex girlfriend. You no longer have rights and privileges to show up at the hospital unannounced. I'd be annoyed too.
Author d0620 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 and no, just because he is in the hospital, it's obvious he has plenty of people there to support him, and he's being clear that he doesn't want you there. it sucks, i know, but again...if you keep smothering, he's going to just get meaner. I got it... He was very nice in the way he told me. Then asked if he could use my IPAD. I told him I understand how he feels and I was willing to do whatever made him feel comfortable. I gave him the iPad and left.
Author d0620 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 You're his ex girlfriend. You no longer have rights and privileges to show up at the hospital unannounced. I'd be annoyed too. I don't have the rights or privilege to show up unannounced but you call me everyday, had sex 3-4 times a week, go to sporting events dates etc and I know ALL your friends and family. Yet I don't have any privileges but he has all mine. He didn't want me to see other women there that's why I think he wanted me to leave. He knew I would be upset and he didn't want to have to explain to me who they were. I also believe he was expecting his ex wife to show up the one he married twice. I would have thought she would show up by now. I am going to cry my last cries and leave it all behind me. He will contact me to return my iPad when he is finished. I have somehow convinced myself that all I have done for him is something I would do for a friend and I don't expect anything in return. Thanks for the advice!
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I don't have the rights or privilege to show up unannounced but you call me everyday, had sex 3-4 times a week, go to sporting events dates etc and I know ALL your friends and family. Yet I don't have any privileges but he has all mine. Thanks for the advice! I know it doesn't seem fair, does it? You know this isn't fair. Soooo, you show respect for yourself by letting go of this hope of being with him. And move on.
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I don't have the rights or privilege to show up unannounced but you call me everyday, Not his fault if you will keep responding.... had sex 3-4 times a week, Not his fault if you keep being a willing bedfellow... go to sporting events dates etc Not his fault if you keep complying and going to these 'gigs'... and I know ALL your friends and family. This is nothing which would sway anyone. I knew all my husband's family and had done so for 26 years - we still divorced.... Yet I don't have any privileges but he has all mine. Only because you had no boundaries and you did whatever he wanted... that's not on him. You can make choices too, you know. He didn't want me to see other women there that's why I think he wanted me to leave. He knew I would be upset and he didn't want to have to explain to me who they were. I also believe he was expecting his ex wife to show up the one he married twice. I would have thought she would show up by now. I am going to cry my last cries and leave it all behind me. He will contact me to return my iPad when he is finished. Ask him to return it. Don't go and get it - get him to post it to you. I have somehow convinced myself that all I have done for him is something I would do for a friend and I don't expect anything in return. Thanks for the advice! Yeah. friend will bend over backwards for each other. But they won't bend over so far backwards that they stick their heads up where the sun don't shine.... And clearly, by the timbre of your posts, your 'giving' certainly had an agenda... Quit now. Go NC, and mean it. 3
siankat Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 S*** hun....do you know there is a guy posting on here that he is a racetrack driver and had an accident blah blah I dont know if that is your ex as im not going to spend ages looking for his post on this particular forum but he did post a thread in the last cupla days.... read above
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Yeah, well, if you can't find a thread to reference, it's kind of daft to make any comment.... we'd need something to go on.....
Author d0620 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 read above Thanks but its not him. He is in the hospital and has not used the Internet yet. I would know since he is using my iPad.
Author d0620 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Sometimes you just hope that all the stuff you did was worth something. All the time I spent, all the tears I've cried, all the sleepless nights, gifts, countless times of sex and tricks, books read, internet posts and talking to your friends about it, crying at work, drinking at night and basically making a fool out of myself. Most important my heart and the pain I have endured during the mornings and before I go to sleep. He just called me and said he wasn't sending me away for another female. He said he appreciates all I have done and wanted to call me because he knows how sensitive I am. I told him its ok and said good night and thanks for calling.
Ale khun Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I'm very sorry that you feel that way and about the previous posts they seemed to be a little" rude" and hurtful but the truth sometimes hurts . Maybe no one understands the real reasons you have to keep coming back to this guy and the strong attachment you have with him , I believe that you are doing everything to make him feel better and loved , but who is taking care of you?? I'm sure you love this guy but sometimes love isn't enough to make a RL work , just think If you deserve to be with a guy who doesn't want to have a committed RL with you , yes he wants all the benefits of the RL (sex) but that's all. Don't play his game don't be always available for him .going NC its really hard but doing that its saying "I love myself and I respect myself" I deserve a guy who loves me with no doubt about his feelings good luck .
LilySun Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I think you should have stuck to NC when you first said you were going to. You might be further along the road to 'recovery' by now.... Breaking NC will rip you to pieces. And ripping NC again and again and again - will rip you to pieces again, and again and again. Checked your posting/thread history. Forgive me for saying so, but - You're really just wasting your time and ours. Until you implement NC, mean it, stick to it, and walk away from this right now, once and for all, this is just going to keep playing and re-playing like a tooth-grinding, achingly bad record. I think its a tad harsh to say wasting our time. Her own time maybe but iits not a waste of my time to read about what others are going through. Its helpful for those who might be going through the same thing. Nc is a great idea, great concept, and takes alot of strength. And true that it will hurt her over and over. But we are here to support eachother whether nc is broken or not. Some will never even grasp it. It gets broken alot and thats life. Sometimes a person needs the advice 1000 times, or needs to be hurt 1000 times before they can even go cold turkey. Just sayin, the OP doesn't need anyone saying she is a waste of time right now.
Ale khun Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I think its a tad harsh to say wasting our time. Her own time maybe but iits not a waste of my time to read about what others are going through. Its helpful for those who might be going through the same thing. Nc is a great idea, great concept, and takes alot of strength. And true that it will hurt her over and over. But we are here to support eachother whether nc is broken or not. Some will never even grasp it. It gets broken alot and thats life. Sometimes a person needs the advice 1000 times, or needs to be hurt 1000 times before they can even go cold turkey. Just sayin, the OP doesn't need anyone saying she is a waste of time right now. I think you are right , it's a little harsh to say that she is wasting "her time and ours" we are in a forum and we are supposed to support each other , everybody makes mistakes specially involving feelings but all we can do its listen and try to give an advice , sometimes that advice it's not what we want to hear and it hurts us more .
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Well, the intention wasn't to hurt. And if I may say so, the OP herself liked a couple of these 'harsh' posts, so one can only presume something hit home and resonated....
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