Mme. Chaucer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Sort of. To me, someone saying they can't control what they are attracted to is like saying "They can't quit smoking." Yes, it's hard and it goes against years and years of programming your brain has received, but it's possible. That's not true. Maybe YOU can adjust what moves you in other people, but not all of us can. I bet you really can't either. Or if you can and do, it's not coming from a very honorable place: "Well, nobody ever has been attracted to me so I suppose I will have to try to re-program myself in order to somehow feel attracted to YOU." Yuck. Who wants to be on the receiving end of THAT? On one of your many threads about how wrong it is that women won't override their emotions and preferences in in order that you can have a sexual relationship with them, I asked you 2 questions that I really would like to have answered. One of them is this: do you seriously believe that a woman "should" have a sexual relationship with a man for whom she feels NO sexual attraction? 3
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I read in many threads in this forum that people who decide to date someone based on their looks are shallow, It's not shallow. We "decide" who we want to date because we are drawn to them; a powerful force that draws others is looks. Other things can be "personality" (which is practically as superficial a trait as "looks," imo) or a spiritual and / or intellectual connection. Also, people who look all kinds of ways can still have sex appeal. Actually having a relationship with someone because of the way they look … is shallow. 2
Author therhythm Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Ok, so for some pals/gals here the fact that they can't attract sexually/physically other people makes people that feel physically/sexually attracted to others shallow? I actually liked the answer from Mme. Chaucer the best, "a person who is attracted by the looks is not shallow but a person who is in a relationship just for the looks is shallow." Still the first treat you will (usually) look for is the physical one, then you have the dating phase where you can decide if the person you are dating is relationship material or not... I would not understand someone who would be in a relationship with a person who she/he doesn't find sexually attractive... that is a great receipt for unsatisfied people (hence infidelity!) 2
Els Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The only times I have ever seen physical attraction classified as 'shallow' by more than the trolls here, it has been when a person puts that attribute above all else in their approach to relationships. In the end, though, all preferences are judged. There was a recent thread in which a woman was called all manner of names because she had preferences for a man's income. Is she shallow? Sure, I guess, as shallow as it would be to choose a partner based on breast size. Is either of that necessarily a bad thing? Not really; they aren't hurting anyone else. 3
USMCHokie Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 The only times I have ever seen physical attraction classified as 'shallow' by more than the trolls here, it has been when a person puts that attribute above all else in their approach to relationships. What if the one attribute was intelligence? Or humor? Or kindness? Can you be shallow with any attribute? 1
crederer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 It's shallow if you're dating someone simply based on their appearance 100%. So if the guy is a turd of a man, but is attractive, and you are with him based solely on that, then yes that is shallow. But of course, being attracted to someone in some shape or form is important. It would rank probably fourth or fifth on my list of qualities I'm looking for in a partner. I don't need a knockout but I do need to have some physical attraction.
Author therhythm Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 It's shallow if you're dating someone simply based on their appearance 100%. So if the guy is a turd of a man, but is attractive, and you are with him based solely on that, then yes that is shallow. But of course, being attracted to someone in some shape or form is important. It would rank probably fourth or fifth on my list of qualities I'm looking for in a partner. I don't need a knockout but I do need to have some physical attraction. You don't need to have physical attraction to the person you are going to date? Can you explain me how the arousal process works for you when you are going to have sex? Sex is in around 80% based on physical attraction so if you are going to date a guy you are not attracted too sex has to be horrible.. (lots of $ in lubricant for you I guess...).
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 What if the one attribute was intelligence? Or humor? Or kindness? Can you be shallow with any attribute? I don't think so. "Shallow" is clearly referring to superficial traits; external ones. If you love someone for their heart, mind, and / or character, that is going below the surface traits of "looks" and "personality." 2
USMCHokie Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I don't think so. "Shallow" is clearly referring to superficial traits; external ones. If you love someone for their heart, mind, and / or character, that is going below the surface traits of "looks" and "personality." Clearly... Well, I recognize that society has associated the term "shallow" with physical attributes, although I don't agree with it. We can just leave it at that.
mammasita Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 This again? Attraction is subjective.....period. To each their own. 1
USMCHokie Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 This again? Attraction is subjective.....period. To each their own. Eh, studies and research have shown that there actually is an objective pattern to attraction across a population of people.
Author therhythm Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Eh, studies and research have shown that there actually is an objective pattern to attraction across a population of people. .... Period
sillyanswer Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 What is your opinion? Whether it's shallow or not, does it matter? Haters gonna hate. 1
BoneyHadger Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Eh, studies and research have shown that there actually is an objective pattern to attraction across a population of people. And I've confronted my inner reactions against said pattern and found it to fail to get my man-juices going in certain cases, yet man-juices sometimes got going, when said pattern was clearly not met. What gives then? Maybe that pattern doesn't exist? Or maybe it does, but is very inaccurately represented?
Object_a Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Eh, studies and research have shown that there actually is an objective pattern to attraction across a population of people. Only as far as very broad and abstract characteristics like facial symmetry and waist-to-hip ratios. These really can't count for a great deal if you think about it - it's easily possible to have symmetrical features or a certain waist size and still be unattractive.
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