thedills05 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Hi guys, this is my first post. Do bear with me, theres a lot of content. So, my gf and I have (had) been together for 4 years. We lived together last year prior to her going to uni after a gap year (shes 21, Im 27). Prior to Christmas, we got along just great, staying in touch and seeing each other regularly. At the end of January this year, out of the blue she left me, saying she no longer saw a future. After a month of Limited contact and eventual no contact, she got back in touch, begging me to give 'us' another go. I went back. Up until the end of last month everything was great, she said she was happier than ever and now we had sorted our problems she wanted to be together 'forever'. We went on holiday and were planning on spending our summer in Paris. A week into this everything seemed fine, we were texting lots and she was declaring her love for me on a daily basis. Then out of the blue, three weeks ago, she said she cheated on me and we were over. She claimed again that she saw no future and that she had feelings for the guy she kissed (a friend of hers from college). I went no contact immediately. For the first few days I heard nothing, then she sent a text saying 'you are completely cutting me out then'? I ignored this, then the following day I got an email from her telling me to remember the good times and how sorry she was. I again ignored. Then the following day she rang and text saying 'please dont ignore me'. I eventually answered her call. We talked for nearly 2 hours and she cried continually, saying she missed hearing from me etc but at the same time was spending more time with her 'friend'. She said she wanted to meet, which against my better judgement I did. We had a civil lunch and talked about the good times, she was clearly upset the whole time but managed to mention that her and the new guy were 'taking it slow'. We hugged and said goodbye for what I thought would be the final time. For the next few days she text randomly as if everything was ok. I eventually text to say she had to get out of the habit of texting all the time to which she responded with two nasty texts. I ignored all and she finally sent a text saying 'now we are going NC I want you to know I truly am sorry for hurting you'. That was the last I heard from her until today. I broke NC today to ask her why she felt the need to keep tweeting how happy she was with the new guy. She said she wasnt even with him and may not even get with him (so childish). She then asked what I had been upto since we last met. I told her it wasnt a good idea to ask and we should just talk about other things. She persisted, so I admitted I had seen a few girls and slept with someone this weekend. She got very upset and said she couldnt believe I had had sex with someone so soon after the break up. Claiming that she could not do that for a long time. She also said she had been thinking a lot about our sex etc and that maybe we could meet in the summer if we were both still single. Since that call I have had non stop texts saying how sad she was that I had called her and it was unfair of me to have told her (even though she dragged it out of me). As I write, she is texting to say how happy she was this morning and now she cant stop listening to sad songs :-S!! What on earth is happening here guys?! I just want to move on now but this is just too confusing. Is she kidding herself that she's happy and has now realized she isn't or is this all an inevitable consequence of a breakup?!
Author thedills05 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 She has just text to say "how can you be so normal"?! Is this a case of grass is greener?!
crederer Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 So she cant bring herself to sleep with guys after the break up but she can cheat on you during your relationship? She sounds whacked. It's not a case of the grass is greener, it's an actual case where the grass is indeed greener. Whoops I misread your last post. Could be gigs, could be she's just a shady person. Give it more time or whatever but I think the whole kissing a dude while you were together is not cool at all. She's not trustworthy.
flitzanu Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 so the first break up when she saw "no future" and dumped you, it's because she wanted to bang someone else. after that fell through or she got bored, whichever...then she called you to bring you back into her life. after she got bored again and found someone she wanted to bang, she cheated on you and dumped you again. sounds like she's freaking out now because it isn't working out with this new guy...so she wants you to be waiting for her when it fails so she can sucker you back into her life until she finds someone new to bang. 2
KPChick000 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 It sounds to me that she wants to see other guys but also wants to keep you around. Her feelings for you haven't completely faded as evidenced by her getting upset at you sleeping with someone else, but I don't think she has any intention of getting back together with you and staying committed. She is contacting you because she is going through withdrawal- you should do your best not to indulge her so you can both move on.
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Hell's teeth: I can sum this up in one well-known phrase or saying. Attention-whore. Cut her off at the knees. She's just total drama and really, you want this playing in your life for the foreseeable future?? She's flaky, a liar, unfaithful, insincere, insecure, needy, demanding.... And these are just her positive traits....! Read the link (guide) in my signature - but keeping in touch with her does nothing for you, and merely feeds her ego and nourishes what she wants most: Acknowledgement. Do not talk to her, accept her call, respond to texts, or keep her facebook available for viewing. next time she texts, respond - IMMEDIATELY! - with this: Text Blocker activated. Your message was not delivered. Further attempts will result in this service being charged to your account. Then - Change your number. I'm absolutely serious. It's no big deal - loads of people have done it - including me...and I ran a business..... So it's really not impossible. 1
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 This doesn't sound like a clean break to me, but what do I know. Want to know how you make it a cleaner break than it appears? No contact immediately. It's not your job to figure out her issues. She did you a favor by breaking up with you. 1
flitzanu Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Hell's teeth: I can sum this up in one well-known phrase or saying. Attention-whore. Cut her off at the knees. She's just total drama and really, you want this playing in your life for the foreseeable future?? She's flaky, a liar, unfaithful, insincere, insecure, needy, demanding.... And these are just her positive traits....! Read the link (guide) in my signature - but keeping in touch with her does nothing for you, and merely feeds her ego and nourishes what she wants most: Acknowledgement. Do not talk to her, accept her call, respond to texts, or keep her facebook available for viewing. next time she texts, respond - IMMEDIATELY! - with this: Text Blocker activated. Your message was not delivered. Further attempts will result in this service being charged to your account. Then - Change your number. I'm absolutely serious. It's no big deal - loads of people have done it - including me...and I ran a business..... So it's really not impossible. tara, will you be my virtual wife? you're just awesome. 2
siankat Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 yeah, im no die hard either way but in this case wow man she is so far up herself she probably cant even see what shes doing. Everyone is entitled to make a mistake in the heat of the moment but she is compounding everything she is doing, heaping shovels full of crap on top. Be done with her! So sorry, and glad you were on ur way to moving on til she (momentarily) interrupted you. Side step that pile of crap she just left you and move.on.
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 tara, will you be my virtual wife? you're just awesome. Aw..... shucks..... 1
Author thedills05 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Thanks for the replies guys! I do intend to move on. Her behaviour is very odd to be honest. Up until the end of last year she really was a level headed caring person but she seems to genuinely have lost the plot! I'm pretty indifferent to it all now, think I did must of my grieving with the first break up! The texts continued until late last night. She started saying she felt guilty for feeling the way she did about me sleeping with someone else because of her new guy! All I can say is unlucky for him, he is going to get messed around good and proper! She even asked how I could be over her so quickly?! Brilliant.
Author thedills05 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 She has just sent another text saying "I'm sorry uni messed everything up xxxxx" - shall I even bother responding?!
CelticGibson Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 No. Do not respond. She's feeling guilty for what she has done to you and wants you to tell her it's okay so she can continue on her merry way. Stay No Contact...
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 She has just sent another text saying "I'm sorry uni messed everything up xxxxx" - shall I even bother responding?! No - she's now angling for the sympathy vote... The response in you that feels 'Aw, bless... She's reaching out.....' Yuh. Sure. Still 'breadcrumbs'....still 'take notice of me'..... Nope. Do NOT respond.
Author thedills05 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 All received. I kinda knew not to respond and am not really inclined to. Do you see this leading to her wanting reconciliation at some point? Not that I'd consider it at this moment in time. This all kicked off 3 weeks ago today! I'm quite happy going about my business and moving on for now.
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 All received. I kinda knew not to respond and am not really inclined to. Do you see this leading to her wanting reconciliation at some point? Not that I'd consider it at this moment in time. This all kicked off 3 weeks ago today! I'm quite happy going about my business and moving on for now. Don't even think about it! Look at the way she behaved and treated you! The girl has some serious issues - reconciliation - at ANY POINT - would be foolish, self-defeating and reckless. You can't 'fix' her, if maybe that's what you think may play on the cards... Move on with the unique and expressed intention of moving on completely. In my opinion, she would have to recognise how poor her behaviour has been, and genuinely work to change it for the better, a long way before any thought of reconciliation reared its head..... 1
Author thedills05 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 I'm not entertaining any idea of reconciliation ! She's has treated me awfully and has even tried to justify her actions now that I've begun to move on. I've not heard from her since anyway so hopefully now I will be left alone.
Author thedills05 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 And so it goes on....! More contact today. Saying how she misses things like 'duvet days' and 'snuggling on the sofa' and how she will always think of me when our song plays. At the same time she changes her twitter profile pic to one of her and 'him' and saying how they are spending more and more time together. This is utter rubbish. Just when I feel ok and am going about my business, I get more contact and dragged right back in. She asked earlier if I had any regrets and was saying how i seemed fine and happy?! What is she doing here? Surely if all is 100% happy with this new guy and I am out of her life, she wouldn't be contacting me and saying all these things!? In effect she is now 'cheating' on him?! 1
KPChick000 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Do not respond. Better yet, block her! She is throwing you breadcrumbs and you're eating them up. Why are you checking her twitter? Just remove her from your life- neither you nor she wants to reconcile.
Author thedills05 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 All this intermittent contact is making me think that maybe I do though :-S! Prior to this year everything was good. A Cliche I know but we were genuinely the envy of our friends'. I am starting to convince myself that perhaps this is a case of GIGs?! I do not know. All I do know is that 5 weeks ago, when on holiday and she was saying she wanted to be together forever, that was real. How can everything change so quickly?! I guess the only way either of us will know where it goes from here is to have genuine NC and space from one another for a prolonged period. All the emotions are still far too fresh and confusing. Its such a shame that it has come to this though !
KPChick000 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 What you're feeling is totally normal. It will take time and serious NC for the emotions and the questions to wear off. This is precisely why you need to block her. As you said, you were fine until she started throwing you these breadcrumbs. Now you wonder what she wants, how she is with her new guy, where you stand, etc. Remove yourself from the situation. It's clear that she is stringing you along. Don't let yourself get reeled in- you'll just waste more time. NC
Author thedills05 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Yep, contact is defo not healthy. She told me she slept with 'new guy' last night, yet still saying she wants to meet for sex one last time in summer?! I mean really? She's now basically cheating on new guy. I do not want to be part of this mess so will defo be removing myself from the situation. Oddly, I don't feel too bothered by knowing that, just confirms that she is majorly confused/ messed up. I don't want to be sucked any deeper into this ridiculous situation.
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Change your number. You will find this is hugely useful in preventing unwanted contact.... 1
Author thedills05 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Unfortunately I can't change my number! Work etc. What do you think is going on here though really? She 100% doesn't want to be with me yet says everything we had was great etc and wants to meet up again?! Coupled with the fact she 'can't stand to think of me with someone else'! Can she truly believe it is over or is she kidding herself?
TaraMaiden Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Unfortunately I can't change my number! Work etc. That's bull. I had to change my phone number twice, and I had 2 businesses - AND I was moving abroad. Using 'work etc.' As an excuse, is exactly that. With all the technological advances we have at our disposal, such measures are relatively simple. Don't give me that.... Just do it! What do you think is going on here though really? She 100% doesn't want to be with me yet says everything we had was great etc and wants to meet up again?! Coupled with the fact she 'can't stand to think of me with someone else'! Can she truly believe it is over or is she kidding herself? Who cares - !? It's over, you're in N C, all you have to do is ignore! What she does and why, is inside her head. All you need to do is stop her getting into yours!
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