RobShady Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 My ex and I have been broken up for 3 months today, and I still can't stop thinking about her. We lived together for 10 months, 2 of those months after the breakup and it was brutal. (Thankfully I have a guest bedroom) she was cold and distant for much of those last two months until it was time for her to actually move. She came home crying one night drunk and we ended up having sex which was stupid, I know. When it was moving day, I was getting back from Florida expecting it to be done but none of it was done and she said she needed more help, so I got stuck into moving my ex into her new house. She was emotional the whole time. Finally I left, then less than a week later she called me crying, and that she wanted me to pick her up from downtown at a bar. So I did, and as I was driving her home she said she made a huge mistake leaving me and that she was nothing without me. Then she proceeded to tell me about rebounding with some dude followed by uncontrollable sobbing. The next day she acted like it never happened and remained distant.. I don't know what to think anymore, but I know we still love each other.. Help??
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 a few corrections you know you still love her, she doesnt love you, she doesnt want to be with you, might want to use you for abit of sex (maybe) and thats it. If she wanted to be with you should would have said "i would like to talk and get back together", she never said this, you are reading between the lines and creating what you think to be what you want to happen. Shes a very good user.
Author RobShady Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 I didn't write it all correctly.. She did say that she wanted to work on us and that she thinks about me every day, but she's very wishy washy about it. I'm just not sure if the whole thing is a good idea..
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 "wishy washy" = shes not bothered... she will use you at any chance she gets if you let it happen 1
Jbum5 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 She has issues of her own. Don't be a dozy clown that gets led on by cliff hangers. The chapter should have ended with the break up. Do yourself a favor and let her go.
Author RobShady Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 What should I do if she tries to come back? I've been talking to another girl but I'm not feeling it. Because honestly, I feel it coming...she texted me the other morning " will you save me " " can we just run away?" .. I think I know what y'all will say about it but I'm just curious.
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 shes keeping her options open, sometimes doing what a normal person would do... assuming this is your EX texting you.. "will you save me" answer: "hi, save you from what? your in the same boat i am, in a house paying money living a single life" "can we just run away" answer: "well, we are not together so how would you propose this happen? i really need to know you first and you left before".
Author RobShady Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 You're probably right. It just sucks. So if she in fact tries to come back again, should I just ignore her for a few days or weeks and see what happens?
Author RobShady Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Would you say that no contact would be effective? I just want the upper hand again..
othersideofthepillow Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 She is wanting you to do all the work. First off you SHOULD NOT have helped her move. I know you say you "had" to or what not but unless she held a gun to your head you could have said no. The whole wishy washy thing is a way for her to have you jump through her hoops in getting back together. This sounds a lot like what my ex did to me a few years back. 1> Tell her you could like to work on getting back together but if not - that's it 2> Cut off ALL communication 3> Stop being her safety net 4> Work on being a better person without her in your life By you always being there for her, even though you are broken up, you are still "hers". She MUST know that you are GONE until she can ever really miss you as the man you are and think about getting back together so your best move is: NC - ASAP!!! - NO MORE CALLS, TEXTS, FB, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM (ANY SOCIAL MEDIA)!!! Who cares about a rebound. Does it sucks? Hell yeah. Is it the end of the world? Hell no. You must worry about YOU now. Nothing says it won't work out in the future, but at this moment, just let her go and focus on being a better man. Hope that helps! 1
Author RobShady Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Yea man, I think you're making a lot of sense..
othersideofthepillow Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Letting someone that you love go is the hardest thing a person can do. In my case, I didn't go NC right away and all that got me was a ton of leading me on and delayed my healing process. At one point my ex even showed up to my home at midnight because she "missed" me and wanted to be close to me BUT when I asked if she wanted to get back together, she said she "needed time to think about things"...yeah ok. See the problem is is that we let our subconscious optimism cloud or logical judgment. We want so bad to get them back that we let them walk all over us even though they may not be doing in intentionally. Yeah man as hard as it will be you MUST go NC starting right as your reading this. You regain the "upper hand" when she is no longer in control of YOUR life - so go out, do what makes you happy, and IF she starts making an effort to getting back together...and by this I mean she actually says she wants to try again... than and only than, do you decide whether or not it is worth it to give it another shot. 2
McGriff Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Letting someone that you love go is the hardest thing a person can do. In my case, I didn't go NC right away and all that got me was a ton of leading me on and delayed my healing process. At one point my ex even showed up to my home at midnight because she "missed" me and wanted to be close to me BUT when I asked if she wanted to get back together, she said she "needed time to think about things"...yeah ok. See the problem is is that we let our subconscious optimism cloud or logical judgment. We want so bad to get them back that we let them walk all over us even though they may not be doing in intentionally. Yeah man as hard as it will be you MUST go NC starting right as your reading this. You regain the "upper hand" when she is no longer in control of YOUR life - so go out, do what makes you happy, and IF she starts making an effort to getting back together...and by this I mean she actually says she wants to try again... than and only than, do you decide whether or not it is worth it to give it another shot. ^^^ This is solid, solid advice. I've recently gone through it, and as I've looked back on my situation, he is exactly right. The phrase about "subconscious optimism" AKA hope vs. logical judgement is the whole key to breakups. That's the boiled down basic issue. Those who can keep their logistical mind clear of subconscious optimism are the ones who will either a. Move on, or b. reconcile. Everyone else sits in that horrible place of hoping, wishing, praying, crying, being miserable for months or years at a time. Thank you theothersideofthepillow for writing this!
california15 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I'm a big supporter of "they don't want you back unless they say, I WANT YOU BACK I MADE A MISTAKE" but I felt I should add just because she said it once doesn't mean she's sincere. She could have had a weak moment, said what she thought you wanted to hear, blah blah. She has to do more than just say stuff like that - she needs to show you she made a mistake and wants you back and until then, forget it. (walk the walk type of thing). She doesn't sound sincere to me. NC seriously works for healing yourself if you truly stick to it and let it work how its supposed to. It sucks and its hard but in the end its sooo worth it - you get your life back, you really do.
Chi townD Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Dude, she was drinking most of the times she said that crap. When I'm drinking, I love everyone in the bar. The next day, I can't remember exactly who was in the bar! Take it as face value. It didn't mean anything. Yep! NC is your best bet. She's got to know that you're gone by her choice. You are no longer in her life because she wanted it that way. She needs to know that you won't be available to come to her rescue, or to pick her u at a bar late at night. I mean, SHE LITERALLY JUST LEFT THE HOUSE AND SHE'S SLEEPING WITH OTHER GUYS!!! Look at her actions and not her words.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why NC is essential.
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