sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 If you're waiting to meet someone on a first date, and you're on time at the agreed meeting place, how long would you wait before deciding that they were late enough that you need to do something about it? And, what do you do? If you call them to see where they are, and get no response, how long do you wait before deciding that you've been stood up and they aren't coming?
Treasa Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Ten minutes. Then they would get a call. "Hey, are you still coming?" If the answer isn't satisfactory, I would move on.
Mackie Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 If they don't contact me and are later than like 30-40mins id leave! Thou I wouldn't be to happy if they were later that 15mins and didn't even text me!
BluEyeL Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 If you're waiting to meet someone on a first date, and you're on time at the agreed meeting place, how long would you wait before deciding that they were late enough that you need to do something about it? And, what do you do? If you call them to see where they are, and get no response, how long do you wait before deciding that you've been stood up and they aren't coming? I've had this happen to me. I waited 15 minutes in the car, texted them and told them I'm here and will wait 15 minutes. After 15 minutes I left. Never heard from them, never contacted them again. So I'd wait 15 minutes if I don't get an answer or text saying they'll be late.
nerd Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Call after 10 minutes. Presuming it's a bar or coffee place that I agreed to because I like it, I'd have a first drink/coffee if there's no answer. I'd probably wait about half an hour, or enough time to enjoy the drink/coffee. If the girl showed up after half an hour and I didn't like something major (didn't look like pictures, annoying voice/mannerisms, etc) I'd make up an excuse to leave immediately. Normally I'd stick around for the first drink or whatever, but their lateness gives me leave to be equally rude, because I can be petty. if they show up after 1/2 hour and they're as advertised, we have a good time, I'd look for a pattern of lateness... If it happens a lot, that's a problem for me because I'm usually on time or early to things, and it's something we'd have to work out or I'd have to deal with it, whatever.
JonasB Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I always make sure to come a little late, if she's not there and I don't have a message in my phone I go back home.
BluEyeL Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I've had people be late, but they sent a text/call and announce it, I don't have a problem with that. If there is no communication, 15 min is plenty waiting.
Shosh Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I will call or text after 5 to 10 minutes. If I have not received a reply after 15 minutes I leave. 1
Author sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Thanks everyone. I had a situation a few weeks ago where I was waiting in a bar, with a drink and a newspaper, and for some reason I waited as long as 30 minutes before calling. (There must've been something interesting in the paper!) With hindsight I should have texted the moment I got there to say I was there because the situation was that she said she didn't think we had confirmed the date. I thought we had a date or I wouldn't have been there! She apologised, so we rescheduled for another day (and she cancelled/rescheduled that, but we did meet eventually). Anyway, your answers are more or less what I was expecting and I think I've waited for less time before than this time. Shosh - 5 minutes sounds a little hasty to me.
Shosh Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Shosh - 5 minutes sounds a little hasty to me. Well, I don't text "Where are you? I am leaving!" I'll text something like: "I am here, are you inside?" And then I'll wait up to 15 minutes. If I don't get a reply, then I leave. I think punctuality is important, especially on a first date. And if you are late you should call or text to let me know. Don't make me stand there like an idiot thinking that I might be stood up. 2
Author sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Well, I don't text "Where are you? I am leaving!" I'll text something like: "I am here, are you inside?" And then I'll wait up to 15 minutes. If I don't get a reply, then I leave. I think punctuality is important, especially on a first date. And if you are late you should call or text to let me know. Don't make me stand there like an idiot thinking that I might be stood up. Ok, understood. That makes sense. I agree about punctuality being important. I hate being late.
BluEyeL Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Well, I don't text "Where are you? I am leaving!" I'll text something like: "I am here, are you inside?" And then I'll wait up to 15 minutes. If I don't get a reply, then I leave. . That's exactly how it went for me. In the car, texted I was there, read on my kindle, after exactly 15 minutes I left. Didn't go into the restaurant and waited like a dummy. 1
Jane2011 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I'd wait 5 to 10 minutes without expecting a text or call from them, and without saying "Why didn't you text or call?" when they did arrive. At 15 minutes, and they did arrive at that point, I'd expect an explanation and apology. This is on a first date, mind you. But even thereafter, anything more than 15 minutes late, you should say something via text or call. Most of my friends say something even for five to ten minutes late, though. 1
soccerrprp Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I call (or text) even if I anticipate being 5-minutes late. Personally, if I haven't heard from my date at the time we are supposed to meet, I call or text at that time. If still no answer, I will wait 15-20 minutes. The key is communication, of course. I had a date where I was 35 minutes late and that was b/c of a car accident. I spoke to my date the entire time I was in the car waiting. 1
carhill Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I've surprisingly never been stood up on a first date, though occasionally on later ones, but my reaction is pretty consistent. I just continue with what I was doing without the dating partner. The few times it's happened, though most were long before the era of instant communication, hence landlines and pay phones, I never sought out an explanation in the moment. If one was offered later, I considered it. If not, the potential was dismissed. So, to answer your questions, how long I would 'wait' would be, in the case of a dinner date as an example, until I felt hungry, then, to answer 'what would you do?' I would order an appetizer and a drink and, if no joy in a dating partner arriving, eat my meal alone, as I'm quite used to doing. The cost of the date, for myself, would be cut in half since I pay for first dates, I'd bring home a small doggy bag as a side benefit and would be thankful for my monetary savings and receiving an important message about the other person immediately. All are gifts. 1
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) i never meet anyone (dont do dating), however on the first times (well over 15 years ago) that i was always stood up (every time which was 20+ times), i am generally arrived early by 10-15 mins, i wait outside, then go in (public place) 5 mins before, wait for 30 mins past the agreed time (so i have been there 45 mins). When they never showed up (never had anyone meet me on a date), i dont ring or text, they missed it, at this point I dumped all there details as a time waster Had some text after (sorry, had to [insert crap made up excuse here] so i couldn’t make it) which for some reason meant the whole planet phone / internet network to their house was down 5 days before so they couldn’t phone, text or email to say they had this thing come up. I had every excuse: my mom died the cat died my phone ran out of money, they are using someone else to text me (but had the same number as there’s some how !) I went to a party, sorry I didn’t wake up (was 3pm in the afternoon!) I forgot the location I couldn’t find it, I arrived 15 mins late and you wasn’t there (I am always there 30 mins after) As a side note I have had some turn up and leave without meeting me (yes we had swapped pics and yes I did look like me in the ones I used) It was at that point I stopped using the interent for anything personal (meeting / pics ete, this would be late 90’s) Ive had some re-agree a date, generally i used to say, "forget it", it would just bat in to a email / text game, I never got calls after. Ive had some do this and turn up with all there friends to mock me as desperate (can see why i never date anymore), the last few times i called the police (i stopped using my real name as i new this crap would happen (hence why I still don’t use it now), was interesting filing that report "yes officer, i have no idea they all came in calling me "Bob" and having a go at me for no reason", Generally at least 1 or 2 would be arrested, I’m sure they learn there lesson to stop having fun at people who agreed to go on dates. Edited May 20, 2013 by apple OR orange
candie13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I get upset and want to leave after 10 min, but I force myself to wait for a few extra minutes after the dreaded 15 min. Usually, right after the 15 min passed, the phone rings or I get a text or I see the guy... didn't have to go through that at the first date... usually, if I like the guy and I'm relaxed, I get busy with the menu, I order a drink, taste some wines & make conversation with the waiter. If I'm anxious... I'm not very open to conversation and generally, I feel the time passes slowly. I remember a guy who was late and was very surprised to see me actually reading a book, while waiting... I always carry a book in my purse. Don't care how anti social that makes me, it's better than looking around with a glass of wine in my hand, and have other men think I'm waiting to be hit at...
Author sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 i never meet anyone (dont do dating), however on the first times (well over 15 years ago) that i was always stood up (every time which was 20+ times), For someone who doesn't do dating you've got a lot of experience of being stood up! I'm sorry to hear your experiences.
angel.eyes Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 For someone who doesn't do dating you've got a lot of experience of being stood up! I'm sorry to hear your experiences. That would explain the lack of dates! If you're stood up, you didn't have a date. To answer the OP, I've never been stood up...so far...*knock on wood* I've also never stood anyone up. I have been late, really embarassingly late at times to a first date. In those cases, I called to warn my date and the guy always waited for me. I apologized when I showed up, and that was the end of it. We proceeded with the date.
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 For someone who doesn't do dating you've got a lot of experience of being stood up! I'm sorry to hear your experiences. All my personal experience with relationships were in the 90's, i have a near situation perfect memory, meaning i remember the cause, effect and outcome of almost everything i have done (this is not the same as photographic / eidetic memory). My last experience was in the late 90's which ultimately involved a government agency, I got out intact but promised that would be the last time i would ever be involved in anything sexual on a "personality based agreement" (read that to mean a standard normal relationship). I have worked in bars and clubs so i have seen alot of how people act and have interacted.
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