drabelincoln Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I was on two dates with this girl, she had asked me if I wanted to do something before our second date, the following Saturday, I wasn't able to because I had a wedding to attend, but I invited her out after the wedding, it wasn't a private thing, it was just friends and some family meeting at a bar, she said that sounded nice and would like to do that if her daughters grandparents would watch her daughter. Communication with us wasn't very frequent, but much more frequent before the 2nd date. She let me know Wednesday her daughters grandparents werent keeping her the night so she couldnt do anything. I let her know that was fine, and to text or call me if she was bored and that I'd like to get together again when she was free and to let me know. She said ok definietely. At this point I'm looking at it as she's doing the fade out, by not letting me know when she is free again. I also let her know I had a sweatshirt of hers in my car, and she asked me to bring it to work, we work in the same building, not anywhere around each other. I work with thousands of people so its not a oh no dating at work type deal. I never see her here. I let her know its in my car, she said ok bring it tomorrow. I didnt hear from her, I didnt text her the next day, Thursday. Friday rolls around and I have off work. She texts me in the morning and says "Good morning how are you?" I respond with im great...I just woke up 5 minutes ago, this was at 10, she knows that I should have been at work. I don't get another message until around 2:30, of her asking if I'm at work. I assume at this point she wanted her sweatshirt...so I tell her that I have it and its actually at my desk if she wanted to go up a few floors to get it. She said no, she'd get it from me Monday, we small talk a bit and then the conversation ends, she stops replying. I don't text her Saturday, she doesnt text me. Sunday rolls around and she texts me that she got a new tattoo today and sent me a pic of it, I ask about it, ask if it hurt let her know what I think, we exchange a few messages and then nothing. Radio silence, I text her later in the evening and I don't get a reply. So here we are at Monday, she isn't at work and I haven't texted her. It seems like typical fade out behaviour to me, I assume the full fade out will occur after she gets her sweatshirt from me. I'd have contacted her today had I not last night and didnt get a reply.
clia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 People who are doing a "fade out" after two dates do not continue to text you for no apparent reason. They disappear. She didn't do that. I really can't understand why you think she is fading out when you haven't even asked her out again! It seems to me she is doing everything in her power to stay in touch with you! Communication with us wasn't very frequent, but much more frequent before the 2nd date. She let me know Wednesday her daughters grandparents werent keeping her the night so she couldnt do anything. This was very polite of her to let you know in advance she wouldn't be able to get together. I let her know that was fine, and to text or call me if she was bored and that I'd like to get together again when she was free and to let me know. This is NOT asking her out on a date. It is wishy washy behavior! She said ok definietely. At this point I'm looking at it as she's doing the fade out, by not letting me know when she is free again. Women do not say "ok definitely" when they don't want to see you again. You throw out a vague "text or call me if you are bored" and "let me know when you are free" and you think she is fading? From her perspective, it sounds like you are the one fading. You should have just picked a date. "Are you free for dinner on Wednesday?" It isn't that hard. I let her know its in my car, she said ok bring it tomorrow. I didnt hear from her, I didnt text her the next day, Thursday. If I asked a guy to bring my sweatshirt to work and he said "ok," I would expect to get a text from him the next day saying "Hey, I've got your sweatshirt." I would feel awkward about hassling him about whether he had brought it. It seems weird to me that you didn't send that text the next day. Friday rolls around and I have off work. She texts me in the morning and says "Good morning how are you?" She didn't hear from you for a day and texted you nonsense in the morning to reach out. Explain to me how this is fading away? I respond with im great...I just woke up 5 minutes ago, this was at 10, she knows that I should have been at work. I don't get another message until around 2:30, of her asking if I'm at work. I assume at this point she wanted her sweatshirt...so I tell her that I have it and its actually at my desk if she wanted to go up a few floors to get it. She asked if you were at work because you said you just woke up when you (supposedly) should have been at work! Duh! It's a normal question to ask. She said no, she'd get it from me Monday, If she wanted to fade away, why would she do this? we small talk a bit and then the conversation ends, she stops replying. How much small talk do you expect her to do? I don't text her Saturday, she doesnt text me. Okay. Sunday rolls around and she texts me that she got a new tattoo today and sent me a pic of it, I ask about it, ask if it hurt let her know what I think, we exchange a few messages and then nothing. You haven't initiated any contact with her in what, three days? She tries again to reach out to you. Radio silence, I text her later in the evening and I don't get a reply. I'd be about done with you by now. You let an entire week go by without asking her out on another date even though she's clearly been reaching out to you. Keeping momentum going in the early days is very important. You aren't exhibiting behavior that shows much interest in her. 1
Author drabelincoln Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Alright, I see your point. To me things seem a little different, I'll ask her out tonight and see what she says. I asked her to tell me when she's free is because from the begining she told me she doesn't get much free time away from her children and she doesnt want them meeting any new guy friends yet( understandable) So, thats why I asked her to tell me when she's free next. She wasn't free for an entire week, I thought maybe she'd say I'm free next Friday, or another day that she didnt have her kids. It also wasn't the first time that a text I had sent her had been ignored. Which is why I stopped initiating contact with her, to try to guage if she was interested. Ive been in a long term relationship before this and most of my dating has started off as relationships...so casual dating obviously isn't one of my strong suits.
Author drabelincoln Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Well I texted her yesterday, while at work about her sweat shirt, and like the night before when I texted her I didn't get a reply. Like I said, I think its a fade out, but a complicated one because we work in the same buildiing. I don't know if I should text her again today about this sweat shirt or just leave it at that. I'm sure I could have done things differently, its just when her and I weren't together she seemed indifferent about everything, then the communication slowed down after the second date....yes she would still randomly text me....but it all is just really strange. I wouldn't text her for a day to guage her interest....when she'd text me, I'd try to hold a conversation with her and again she'd stop replying.
PutARingOnIt Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Too much texting. Why don't you pick up the phone and call? 2
clia Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Stop all the texting and just ask her out on another date. If she agrees to go, you'll have your answer.
Author drabelincoln Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Too much texting. Why don't you pick up the phone and call? called and left her a message so we'll see
SJC2008 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Did the second date happen? I'm confused becaue you say yall had two dates and and you asked her out before the second official date and she couldn't go and is doing the fade...
Author drabelincoln Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Did the second date happen? I'm confused becaue you say yall had two dates and and you asked her out before the second official date and she couldn't go and is doing the fade... We had two dates, she actually prompted to go on the third before we even had the 2nd. I had a wedding on the day she may have possibly been able to go out. She let me know the Wednesday after our 2nd date that she wouldnt be available for the 3rd date. She has two children so her free time is limited, and she didnt want me meeting them obviously so soon. So the time she has is when she is without them isnt often, which is why I told her to let me know when she'd be free again. After the 2nd date, and after she cancelled the 3rd she started to fade IMO. She texted me Sunday, which was the last time I spoke to her, I texted her later Sunday with no reply, then Monday about meeting up to give her, her sweatshirt, no reply. So I called her tonight and she hasn't called me back. I would expect to not hear from her again, she seemed flakey from the start....and that seems to be the case now.
Author drabelincoln Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 I disagree with the rest of the posters. I think she was playing games and keeping you hanging on for validation. I believe your gut feelings about the fade were accurate (as evidenced by her continued lack of response). Yeah thats what my gut is telling me. Even before our dates, she seemed indifferent when we talked, but excited and happy when we were together. The reason I slowed up on the texting and everything with he was because I could see the fade coming and I wanted her to initiate contact with me because it seemed very one sided, and she would when she wouldnt hear from me for a day. So Sunday evening, i texted her, monday I asked her about her sweater and I called her tonight. No response to any of them. I could see this girl contacting me later in the week, and acting like nothing was wrong and that I never even contacted her earlier. We'll see if that happens....
Author drabelincoln Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 and another day with no call or text or anything fade to vanish I still have the sweatshirt too and Im sure sometime down the road I'll run into her at work
Author drabelincoln Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Yeah thats what my gut is telling me. Even before our dates, she seemed indifferent when we talked, but excited and happy when we were together. The reason I slowed up on the texting and everything with he was because I could see the fade coming and I wanted her to initiate contact with me because it seemed very one sided, and she would when she wouldnt hear from me for a day. So Sunday evening, i texted her, monday I asked her about her sweater and I called her tonight. No response to any of them. I could see this girl contacting me later in the week, and acting like nothing was wrong and that I never even contacted her earlier. We'll see if that happens.... So, I was right.......she texted me today. Acting like not responding to me for 4 days is normal. She said "Sorry I haven't gotten back to you on when we could get together, I am taking the girls to the circuis this weekend, and then the next I have a picnic. I'll have to let you know if I get any other day without the girls" I think my best coarse of action here is to tell her not to bother. Thoughts anyone?
Author drabelincoln Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Don't respond. I responded, i just said "ok" she then asked for her sweatshirt...I'm just bringing it to her..I don't expect to hear from her after this. Good riddance.
GB25 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 girls like this are impossible..I don't think it's you it's just the way some women are just kinda flakey no matter who the guy is.. I wouldnt follow up with her anymore..you have done all you can to show you are interested in spending time and her picking and choosing when to reply is total B.S. i dont think the juice is worth the squeeze with this one. I agree on her keeping you around slightly just for validation..I dont think you are a priortiy in the slightest bit, but she keeps you hangin around bc it makes her feel good knowing she has a guy she can chat/flirt with but no intention of developing anything..not fair to you
Author drabelincoln Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) girls like this are impossible..I don't think it's you it's just the way some women are just kinda flakey no matter who the guy is.. I wouldnt follow up with her anymore..you have done all you can to show you are interested in spending time and her picking and choosing when to reply is total B.S. i dont think the juice is worth the squeeze with this one. I agree on her keeping you around slightly just for validation..I dont think you are a priortiy in the slightest bit, but she keeps you hangin around bc it makes her feel good knowing she has a guy she can chat/flirt with but no intention of developing anything..not fair to you Yeah I've done more than my share of trying to keep things going, I have no doubt I'll hear from her later down the road too. I forgot to mention she's bi-polar as well. Edited May 24, 2013 by drabelincoln
Author drabelincoln Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 LOL so she texted me this morning to bring her sweatshirt down to her, I said sure, I'll be down around 12:30. I go down and I'm not quite sure where she sits so I text her again...she tells me. Turns out, she didnt even come to work today Smooth move.....I gotta give her credit on that one. Game, Set, Match, Fade Away complete.
GB25 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 she is a weirdo..seriously stay away from her. If she ever reaches out to you again with small talk I would either not respond or tell her that her old song & dance is getting old and you're over it.
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