Serial Cheater or Sociopath

[latergater]

Do you think that serial cheaters are also sociopaths? Do you think that one constitutes the other?

 

My ex MM is a serial cheater and had been so since the first day of his marriage. Don't you think in order to be a serial cheater you must also be a sociopath? I am thinking along the lines of excessive motivational drives that push these serial cheaters to take extraordinary risks for what is desired, no matter what risk is involved such as the risk of being "found out" and the possibility of losing their family, friends, etc..?

 

 

I do think that one constitutes the other --- EXCESSIVE continuous risk taking behavior, sexual deviance, need for validation, admiration, and power, dominance, has to be on the go at all times, constantly looking for something or someone new and exciting to meet needs/desires as former conquests, places, things become stale and boring?

 

What do you think?

[So happy together]

While SC's may be egomaniacal, I don't believe they are all sociopaths. I think there are a LOT more SC's in the world than there are sociopaths. Some people can separate love and sex. Men especially. So, they may have a family life that they want to preserve for a plethora of reasons, and want a taste of something sweet on the side. I do think they (a lot of them anyway) have a raging sense of entitlement. But, that is just my opinion. I'm not a doctor.

[carhill]

IMO, if the other diagnostic aspects of ASPD apply, then a particular serial cheater may be diagnosed and characterized as suffering from that disorder.

 

The issue with 'cheating' in general, as it applies to intimate relationships, is that the behavior set may impact one or a few persons, versus the totality of the suspected sociopath's interactions with society and culture. One question to ask is are their alleged sociopathic behaviors singular or global? IMO, global sociopathic behavior is more likely to meet the diagnostic criteria.

 

Also, within serial cheating itself, there are variations, the most obvious being straight serial versus serial concurrent. In my generation, we had two types of serial cheaters, those who cheated in one marriage and then later married their lover and then later cheated on that lover, now spouse, and rinse and repeat. The other type was the philanderer, who would have a 'harem' of lovers and be cheating on their spouse and, ostensibly, on each lover concurrently. The 'different bed each night' philanderer.

 

Even choosing the 'worst' of the serial cheaters, it's entirely possible that the person acted and was viewed as an upstanding and law-abiding citizen in other realms of their life. If so, they wouldn't meet the diagnostic criteria for ASPD so would necessarily not be classified as sociopathic.

 

That said, a good case could be made for avoiding them for intimate relationships. No doubt.

[Washingmachine1980]

Serial cheaters are sociopaths. Let one feel threatened and see how quickly they turn on you. They will try intimidation for starters, then making up more lies, then begging before finally running for the hills. Don't think they are actually dangerous just crazy as hell.

[So happy together]

Maybe they are just used to getting anything they want and have a raging sense of entitlement.

[CrimsonEyed]

Being a serial cheater.....I also tend to find myself to have many sociopathic traits. So, while I don't believe I'm a full fledged sociopath, I do believe i carry a good majority of the behaviors. For instance now is the first time I've ever had the MM tell me to back off and have NC. That's never happened,.I'm pissed. Funny thing is, ive lied so much during the affair that I'm actually heart broken because I started to believe my own lies about how I felt towards him. It's all sick behavior, I recognize it therefore I'm not a full fkedged sociopath. But i dont stop.....so.

[findingnemo]

A sociopath is a criminal. A sociopath is violent and quite dangerous. A sociopath is the equivalent of a psychopath. Are serial cheaters sociopaths? Did I miss something?

[Quiet Storm]

I think NPD gets confused with sociopathy, but there are differences.

 

NPD is narcissistic, & egotistical, but with insecurity underneath. They need the validation and attention to soothe themselves and make themselves feel better. They are charming & fake to get the ego strokes. They seek lots of women as a way to prove their worth to others and themselves. They will cheat because they need extra attention and validation to feel worthy. They do feel entitled, which is also common with sociopaths.

 

Sociopaths don't have that insecurity underneath. They use people as tools to get what they want, in an instinctual and animalistic way. It's how they operate, people are just tools or pawns. They don't need validation to soothe themselves, they just use people because it's fun or benefits them in some way. They view us normal people that have feelings as weak. They believe they are superior and everyone else is stupid. Others are useless unless they can somehow benefit the sociopath. They cheat for any number of self serving reasons, but none relating to insecurity. They cheat for sex, for finances, for revenge, to punish, to triangulate, to test others reactions (it's fun for them). One example would be...a sociopath lives next door to a married couple. The husband came over one day to complain that the sociopath played his music too loud and needed to cut his grass. Sociopath immediately sees the husband as an enemy and wants revenge. He seduces the neighbors wife and has an affair with her, as a way to punish the guy for having the audacity to ask him to change. He uses the OW as his tool to get revenge on the husband. Sociopaths hate rules and expectations and do not feel accountable to anyone.

[Quiet Storm]

Sociopaths are not always criminals. The stupid sociopaths end up in jail. The smart ones find ways to operate without breaking the law or getting caught.

[findingnemo]

The majority of sociopaths never cross the line into violence and many are politicians. Sense of entitlement and feeling they are owed anything they wish for IS one of the few major criteria in being diagnosed as a sociopath. Plus, the big whoopie a lack of conscience, it is hard to believe any serial cheating philander has any morsel of a conscience, except the one he fakes on display here or there.

 

I suppose that answers my question.

 

But when I read about sociopaths and try to connect it to R's I would imagine a bigamist or a con man who marries many people for money. Perhaps my definition of a serial cheater is flawed. Isn't a serial cheater someone who cheats more than once?

 

I come from a culture where cheating by men is tolerated (by the men who control society of course). Just today there's a story about a politician who did something illegal and the police were searching for him. They found him yesterday - after three weeks which he spent moving from one girlfriend's home to another's. He allegedly has 4. Mind you, he is very married with kids. It would never occur to me to call him a sociopath though. He is probably a guy with low self esteem that needs plenty of women to make himself feel worth anything. But a sociopath?

[Quiet Storm]

Most of the behavior being described is typical at one time or another of anyone who cheats. I think Carhill has a point. The behavior needs to be pervasive across the persons entire life. Most times thats just not so and in anycase OW would often not be in a position to know that anyway.

 

 

Yes, cheating would not be the first clue that someone is a sociopath. Most parents of sociopaths notice traits early on. For example, I know a diagnosed sociopath that kicked out his math teachers car windows for failing him on a test in high school. They will be very vindictive as teens with severe black & white thinking. The math teacher was evil and deserved to be punished for giving him a bad grade. Sociopaths cheat, but there is lots of other behavior that goes along with it.

[findingnemo]

IMO, if the other diagnostic aspects of ASPD apply, then a particular serial cheater may be diagnosed and characterized as suffering from that disorder.

 

The issue with 'cheating' in general, as it applies to intimate relationships, is that the behavior set may impact one or a few persons, versus the totality of the suspected sociopath's interactions with society and culture. One question to ask is are their alleged sociopathic behaviors singular or global? IMO, global sociopathic behavior is more likely to meet the diagnostic criteria.

 

Also, within serial cheating itself, there are variations, the most obvious being straight serial versus serial concurrent. In my generation, we had two types of serial cheaters, those who cheated in one marriage and then later married their lover and then later cheated on that lover, now spouse, and rinse and repeat. The other type was the philanderer, who would have a 'harem' of lovers and be cheating on their spouse and, ostensibly, on each lover concurrently. The 'different bed each night' philanderer.

 

Even choosing the 'worst' of the serial cheaters, it's entirely possible that the person acted and was viewed as an upstanding and law-abiding citizen in other realms of their life. If so, they wouldn't meet the diagnostic criteria for ASPD so would necessarily not be classified as sociopathic.

 

That said, a good case could be made for avoiding them for intimate relationships. No doubt.

 

Yep. That's my understanding too. There are philanderers and then the Trumps of this world. My mum calls them "just can't get enough". These will search high and low for true love, find it, decide it isn't good enough and repeat the cycle. They are not sociopaths, just indecisive.

 

Either way, you don't want to fall in love with a philanderer, a "just can't get enough" or a sociopath. For the victim, the difference is the same.

[jlola]

Yep. That's my understanding too. There are philanderers and then the Trumps of this world. My mum calls them "just can't get enough". These will search high and low for true love, find it, decide it isn't good enough and repeat the cycle. They are not sociopaths, just indecisive.

 

Either way, you don't want to fall in love with a philanderer, a "just can't get enough" or a sociopath. For the victim, the difference is the same.

 

Narcissist,Sociopaths/psychopaths(it is a myth they are killers or dangerous, why so many fly under the radar. read the "corporate sociopath) and borderline personalities,bipolars are notorious cheaters. Though Bi-polar is not a personality disorder. And there are some BPD's that are faithful. But the other group,good luck!!

 

And because most personality disordered people are very charming and take care of their looks, they easily attract conquest. they are also amazingly good liars. they come off like gangbusters from the get-go and give you a very "soulmate" like experience. Nothing compares to the roller coaster ride of emotions a person with PD's put you through. Though Sociopath's and other Cluster B's constitute for about 10% of the population. They create a lot of chaos because they need people in their lives. They are very talented at making to THINK you are their one and only.

 

Let's face it --Tiger is not just a husband who is in a challenged marriage, but he is a serial cheater.

 

 

 

 

Dr. Michelle Golland: In my practice where I see couples dealing with infidelity, they fall into two categories.

1) An infidelity as a symptom of a marriage in distress.

2) Serial cheating, where the issues involve a marriage in distress and the serial cheater's deeper emotional problems including sexual addiction and an underlying depression or anxiety disorder or a narcissistic personality disorder is also a contributing factor.

Therapeutically dealing with a single infidelity is challenging enough, but if you are dealing with a serial cheater, the issues shift. An individual who repeatedly sleeps with multiple people while married will most likely be dealing with far deeper and more complex emotional issues.

These men and woman can have narcistic personality disorder. Narcissists are self-absorbed and tend to be highly charming. They have a constant need for admiration and attention. They are master manipulators and feel an emotional high with each new physical conquest. They often have multiple affairs going on at the same time, although none of them know about the other because again they are very good at manipulation. A serial cheater who is a narcissist is not just dealing with a lack of self-esteem, we are talking about the individual's personality and it is a pervasive part of their lifestyle. Interestingly, they never want to divorce and will usually fight tooth and nail to stay married, although it is highly predicted that they will continue their cheating ways. Personality disorders are extremely difficult to treat.

ontrol.

 

HOW TO SPOT A SOCIOPATH: Sociopaths have impressive social skills, thereby making them extremely hard to spot. They are charming, funny and exciting. This is why we need to be aware. If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath.

1) Charisma and charm: They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting. Their manners are impeccable; they are well groomed; they fulfill the codes of romance and courtship to a tee. They are likely to be eloquent talkers who lace their speech with impressive sounding facts and figures. They may be fun, laugh a lot, sweep their partner off their feet with their sweetness.

2) Enormous ego: They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that.

3) Overly attentive: They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends.

4) Jekyll and Hyde personality: One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.

5) Blame others: Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.

6) Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth. If you probe deeper, you’ll find that their stories never stack up.

7) Intense eye contact: Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.

8) Move fast: They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly.

9) Pity play: They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.

10) Sexual magnetism: If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.

Some doctors call them sociopaths, others refer to them as psychopaths. Either way, the terms are used to describe individuals who have a range of personality disorders. These people are NOT certifiably mentally ill; they are biological carriers of socially and personally problematic traits. Such traits may have been manifested from childhood in acts of cruelty to animals, property or people. These characteristics can disrupt relationships, create financial and emotional crises, and, at their worst, lead the person to callously undertake acts of vandalism, theft, rape or murder. Being aware what constitutes a sociopath can help one resist their charm and the errors inherent in establishing a life with them.

Sociopaths know exactly what they are doing, and most of them never kill anyone. But they are social predators who exploit just about everyone they meet. They have no heart, no conscience and no remorse.

Edited May 20, 2013 by jlola