IS IT Better late Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I see this word thrown around a lot on these forums. And I have tried to do some research but nothing has really nailed the nail on the head. If somebody could respond with a list of signs to look for maybe I'd be able to match my ex up to it. I have wondered b/c this chick has displayed some traits but I'm not sure. How do Narcissists treat someone they dumped but still want to keep around for the attention?
na49 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 A 2012 popular book on power-hungry narcissists suggests that narcissists typically display most, and sometimes all, of the following traits:[5] An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships A lack of psychological awareness (see insight in psychology and psychiatry, egosyntonic) Difficulty with empathy Problems distinguishing the self from others (see narcissism and boundaries) Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults (see criticism and narcissists, narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury) Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt Haughty body language Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them (narcissistic supply) Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse) Using other people without considering the cost of doing so Pretending to be more important than they really are Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements Claiming to be an "expert" at many things Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people Denial of remorse and gratitude A quick google of narcissism gave me this. Hope it helps.
Author IS IT Better late Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 NA49 thanks for the info! I have read similar things in my searches. I'm trying to figure out how the below translates to how they treat ex's?? She def has 3 or 4 of those on that list. But I think almost everybody has a few of those traits. So I'm just not sure. Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them (narcissistic supply) She def has the above, not sure about the rest. Anybody have an Ex who was one? How did they treat you?
destroyed4sho Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) After they dump you, they either erase you from their life or they continue to make the "last curtain call" so that you wont forget them....bc if you DONT forget them, they feel remembered and important providing more narc supply. While you are with them all they do is talk, think about themselves. They are unsupportive and when you talk about yourself, they either look at you with a blank stare or change the subject quickly to themselves. Also, a big indicator is when you fight, they NEVER apologize, blame you even when they are wrong and gaslight you often and accuse you of the very thing that they did!! Victims often feel it is their fault or they are crazy or they are the narcissist! Some may not appear grandiose, although characteristic of a narc, is not necessary for diagnosis. Edited May 20, 2013 by destroyed4sho
SNH1993 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Not sure, but in the end it is really just a label. I wouldn't look into all of the labels like bi-polar, OCD, depression, etc. because that's just it, they are only labels. Nowadays, you can walk into a psychiatrist office and i pretty much guarantee you are going to be labeled as having something wrong with you. truth is, everybody can fall into at least one of these categories at some point in life, and there is no actual scientific research done to conclude most of these "diseases" are actual chemical imbalances in the brain that have caused them. They are just labels, designed to make a profit.
Author IS IT Better late Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Thanks for your reply! Destroyed, so it really doesn't match up b/c she hasn't cut me out nor has made a last curtain call. We didn't really have a lot of fights as it was a short relationship, so I don't know? SNH, good advice in the end I guess it doesn't really matter I was just looking to see if there was some sort of pattern. Still trying to figure what this silly girl wants from me?
SNH1993 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Yeah man, i'm in the same boat and know how you feel. I honeslty don't know what they want, and a lot of times i don't think they do either. Can you fill me a little more in on your story? i'm interested to know what you've been going through and why you think she may be a narcissist.
aisuru Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Believe me, when you meet a true Narcissist, you will know. It's not just one or three of those characteristics. It's ALL of them, multiplied, dramatized, and magnified. You cannot mistake it. It's pretty bad.
Author IS IT Better late Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 SMH, Long story short, I had short relationship (5) months with a chick I really fell hard for. We had a great time together but she went cold on me quick and in a matter of a few weeks she wanted out. That happened late Feb. We kept in touch via text and she gave me a lot of mixed signals about keeping me in her life. So I decided to go NC for a few weeks and she started to send me breadcrumbs as they like to call it on here. Over the last 4-weeks the breadcrumbs have increased and she is has really warmed up to the point she flat out told me she wanted to see me again. So I went ahead and set a date with her last week, which she went ahead and cancelled on me. So maybe she just wanted to see if I'm still on the hook and never really had intention of seeing me. From what I know of her she loves that attention. So I'm back to NC for the past week, and we'll see what happens. I just been a big mind Fck, never really know what her intentions are and if she is being sincere or just jerking my chain. So that's why I was curious about the Narcs thing? Whats your deal?
SNH1993 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I see where you are coming from man, this is a messed up dating world we live in. I'm going to assume she likes the attention from you and that is why she hasn't bothered to actually see you in person. It almost seems as if she texts you when she gets bored and has nobody else to talk to. It could also just be an ego thing for her, whatever it is that isn't cool to just go cold on somebody and then play with them like that. My situation is similar in ways but also different in ways too. I was in a relationship with a girl for 18 months, and we had been close friends for about 18 months before we even entered the relationship together. Before we entered the relatioship i had struggled with an addiction to xanax and she knew that ahead of time. I was clean when we met and stayed clean for about a year into the relationship and then i got involved with it again. We had a few minor break ups which only lasted about a week but just about a month and a half ago she broke up with me again and this time she hasn't come back yet. She still contacts me pretty much everyday and comes over pretty often still to stay the night. But we are still not together. She has done the whole hot and cold thing with me at times right after the break up but lately shes been acting as if we are together again when we do hang out. The usual, cuddling, sex, kissing, etc. even aafter she said she did not want to do these things anymore because it would just make things more complicated. Just about a week ago though, she informed me that she had intentions of moving to another city for school. Idk whether that will happen or not, because she basically has to make enough money on her own to be elligble for the housing down there without a guarantor. Which i don't think is possible right now, because me and her both tried to move to a different city for school about a year ago and we both needed guarantors to sign the lease for us. We are both only 20. But once she told me that her intentions were to move once we got into an argument one morning because i was feeling like she had been taking me for granted and just cancelling plans on me kind of like your ex did i didn't know what to think really. In a way i'm trying to mentally prepare myself for if she really does end up moving and in a way i'm just trying to give this my all that way i know i tried my hardest and don't have any regrets about it. I've been advised to go NC several times and have not followed the advice and the outcome of my situation has not changed. We are still not together and there has been a lot of mixed signals along the way. I'm just hoping for the best at this point.
flitzanu Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I see this word thrown around a lot on these forums. And I have tried to do some research but nothing has really nailed the nail on the head. If somebody could respond with a list of signs to look for maybe I'd be able to match my ex up to it. I have wondered b/c this chick has displayed some traits but I'm not sure. How do Narcissists treat someone they dumped but still want to keep around for the attention? bigger question is, why does it matter? are you trying to find an excuse for why she dumped you? chances are very slim that she is a narcissist, and furthermore, it doesn't excuse her actions or change what happened. instead of looking for reasons, what you need to remember is that this person chose to not be with you because they no longer want to be with you.
Mike_Tyson Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Sounds familiar. A 2012 popular book on power-hungry narcissists suggests that narcissists typically display most, and sometimes all, of the following traits:[5] An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships A lack of psychological awareness (see insight in psychology and psychiatry, egosyntonic) Difficulty with empathy Problems distinguishing the self from others (see narcissism and boundaries) Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults (see criticism and narcissists, narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury) Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt Haughty body language Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them (narcissistic supply) Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse) Using other people without considering the cost of doing so Pretending to be more important than they really are Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements Claiming to be an "expert" at many things Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people Denial of remorse and gratitude A quick google of narcissism gave me this. Hope it helps.
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