DefBringer Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 I have no trouble at all meeting women and I like to date quite a bit. I think dating is fun and I love to meet new people. However, one thing that I have noticed as I get older (i'm 30) is that I am becoming increasingly picky when it comes to body types. All of my girlfriends in the past have been slender or athletic builds and could wear whatever they wanted. For the past 5-6 weeks I've been dating a girl who is tall and mostly thin, but has a little bit of the "pear shape" thing going on. At first I didn't care much at all about the fact she had wider hips and some extra pounds. (yes I understand how horrible this sounds) We went to a nice restaurant in a popular night-spot part of town and the place was absolutely filled with girls who had trim bodies as I typically prefer. My heart really sank. I knew at that moment that I could not fall in love with this girl I'm seeing based on the simple fact that I only find thin girls attractive. I'm not talking abnormally thin, just simply the typical ideal thin. I guess my question is this: Can one learn to look beyond this? I'm not a superficial, vapid person and I hate the fact that I judge women by their dress size. The only way I know how to deal with this is to continue to work hard in the gym and "earn" the right to be attracted to those women. I had always thought intelligence, wit, humor, and character were the 4 primary things that a woman had to have but the older I get, the more I realize just how important that physical attraction is. Help!
isO Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 I think that you'd be doing this girl a disservice by continuing to see her. You admit that you realize how horrible what you're saying sounds, but wouldn't she just be crushed if she knew what you were really thinking when the two of you were supposed to be on a nice night on the town and focused on each other? Having set physical preferences doesn't make you superficial or vapid. Most people do. I seem to end up being attracted by the same type of man so much that sometimes I think I'm reacting to the ideal of a person I knew in a past life LOL If you really like this girl's mental attributes and could be more attracted to her if she were slimmer, maybe you should go on more active dates than sit down dinners... you mentioned that you have a gym membership - maybe you have a few guest passes you could share with her? Or if that's not the case, maybe you should just move on.
Adunaphel Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 I guess my question is this: Can one learn to look beyond this? I'm not a superficial, vapid person and I hate the fact that I judge women by their dress size. I think that it is very possible to learn - many people do, even if it is not easy. It usually involves a change of mindset about what is attractive and what is not. I have one question for you. Picture this scenario in your mind: in fashion magazines, on tv, you see only chubby women. Almost everybody likes chubby ladies. Your friends that are dating slender, athletic, slim girls are poked fun at. You see a nice looking guy kissing in public with a very slender lady, and your other friends comment "what a loser he must be, couldn't he find anyone better?" 95% of ladies in the porn pics are very fat, and if anyone knew that you like pornography that features slender girls, with no excess of body fat, they'd either laugh at your 'fetish' or think you have bizzarre tastes. The most paid actresses/models are overweight. There are *perhaps* a couple of slender models around. Do you think you'd still be attracted to slender women only? What I mean is.... are you judging women's looks with your *own* head, or according to the standards suggested by society? If your need to be with a slender and well-built woman originates from the fact that *someone else* estabilished that slender=attractive, I think you could change your way of thinking and learn to 'look beyond'. If you are 100% sure that it is just your personal preferences, and that if everybody else liked chubby women, and if you had always been exposed to images of overweigh ladies instead of slender ladies by the media, you'd *still* would be attracted only to slender women, IMO changing would be tougher. We went to a nice restaurant in a popular night-spot part of town and the place was absolutely filled with girls who had trim bodies as I typically prefer. My heart really sank. I knew at that moment that I could not fall in love with this girl I'm seeing based on the simple fact that I only find thin girls attractive What is really interesting is that you didn't care about her extra pounds UNTIL you had a bunch of thin girls to compare her to. I was surprised to read you are 30, and that looks got more important for you as you grew older. I thought that it usually happened the opposite. I don't think that the fact that you are attracted only to ladies with a perfect body makes you a bad person (so don't be so hard with yourself) but surelly it will make your love life a lot tougher. And, I agree 100% with what is0 said: I think that you'd be doing this girl a disservice by continuing to see her. You admit that you realize how horrible what you're saying sounds, but wouldn't she just be crushed if she knew what you were really thinking when the two of you were supposed to be on a nice night on the town and focused on each other?
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