Roadkill007 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Pretty self-explanatory title. I'd like to clarify, though, that it's not technically "love-at-first-sight" : more like "falling-in-love-at-first-sight". And yes, if you don't believe, please feel free to list whatever reasons for your disbelief, whether you believe it's actually more like "lust-at-first-sight", or whatever you think/feel about the topic. Personally, I do believe, as it's happened to me once before, when I was 13 years old. How do I know it wasn't just infatuation? I've had an infatuation case just the year before, and the feelings were like sunlight vs moonlight in intensity. It was like I was highly attuned to her without consciously making an effort. Even if she was only in the corner of my eye, I could only see her. Close up, the effects were even more devastating; I'd always be grinning like an idiot whenever I saw her twinkling eyes, my heartbeat would go crazy, and all the other silly signs. And yes, the electrifying effects were instantaneous. I still remember first seeing her at the P.E area... Anyways, I was thinking about this topic because I've read a few posts here on LS recently suggest the writers of those posts simply don't believe in the idea of someone falling in love that fast. Then I searched for the topic, and found no threads about it, and felt this needed a thorough discussion
CarrieT Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I believe in "chemistry" at first site -- and have been the victim of being wildly attracted to someone that I could not keep myself from and changed my whole life to be with -- but have learned, through age, that it never, NEVER lasts.
carhill Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 As far is the experience itself, IMO it can happen, perhaps to some people more than others. For some, it may never happen. I know, for myself, it happened once, and would be reinforced as a singular event repeatedly over a generation or more. So, save for that one experience, I might have lived my 54 as a naysayer. Note: Feeling those feelings has nothing to do with having a healthy outcome. The feelings are merely an impetus to one potential of many. For some, they can result in a life-long union; for others, something transitory. For others, a mistake. It's really unknown.
Author Roadkill007 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Note: Feeling those feelings has nothing to do with having a healthy outcome. The feelings are merely an impetus to one potential of many. For some, they can result in a life-long union; for others, something transitory. For others, a mistake. It's really unknown. Ofc. In my case, due at least partially to my emotional immaturity, it didn't lead to anything at all But I'm still interested in hearing other people's opinions/stories and such.
Author Roadkill007 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 I believe in "chemistry" at first site -- and have been the victim of being wildly attracted to someone that I could not keep myself from and changed my whole life to be with -- but have learned, through age, that it never, NEVER lasts. has this occurred often then? well, I suppose that's a rather vague way to ask. And when you say it never lasts, you mean the chemistry right? or do you mean the relationships based off the insane chemistry?
CarrieT Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 has this occurred often then? In my 50 years, yes, it has occurred often - about a dozen times... And when you say it never lasts, you mean the chemistry right? or do you mean the relationships based off the insane chemistry? Both. In one case, the attraction was wildly life-changing; couldn't sleep for want of this man, couldn't work for want of this man, left an 11-year relationship for want of this man. I gave up my home, my job, and everything I was and knew for want of this one man. The relationship lasted a little more than two years, was *very* toxic, and its ending is was brought me to LS all those years ago (you can go back and read my first posts to see how I had to end it). Now I am engaged to be married and have a HEALTHY relationship - something that one which involved "chemistry" never was...
carhill Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Ofc. In my case, due at least partially to my emotional immaturity, it didn't lead to anything at all But I'm still interested in hearing other people's opinions/stories and such. Yeah, at 13, that makes sense, and is normal. In my case, the first iteration occurred at twice that age, and would be reinforced throughout time, as recently as six years ago, even as a venerable old married person. The main 'change', if any, was in how the feelings were processed. What I do now, if 'tickled', is examine whether it's appropriate to fully experience the feelings and, if not, dismiss them. In part, that process is the result of the singular experience, so I thank that experience and the person for their contribution to my growth. Sometimes people enter our lives to teach us things and love can be a powerful impetus to learning.
Author Roadkill007 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Sometimes people enter our lives to teach us things and love can be a powerful impetus to learning. This is definitely true. I think a lot of how I've grown up was somehow influenced by that event 13 years ago (yep that was half my age ago!). I've also been thinking of how one would go about dealing with that sort of thing if they were already married and didn't want to mess things up. I'd imagine some sort of way to manually shut down the flow of emotions? Avoidance of the cause ? I'd imagine the randomness and suddenness of it would be really hard to handle...
carhill Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I've also been thinking of how one would go about dealing with that sort of thing if they were already married and didn't want to mess things up. I can share what I learned in MC about that, mainly to accept the emotions as authentic and then process them within the construct of one's personal boundaries. If my boundaries are 'I don't fall in love with other people while married', then the emotions are processed to conform with those boundaries. The feeling of 'connection' can be completely valid and real; the resultant actions can be equally completely valid and real and conform to one's personal boundaries. We have choices in how we process our emotions. So, if married, I'd recognize the emotions are real, understand that they are inappropriate to my boundaries as a married person, and dismiss them, meaning no actions would result from the emotions being felt.
Treasa Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 My parents and grandparents told me that when they saw me as a baby, right after I was born, that it was love at first sight.
Author Roadkill007 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 My parents and grandparents told me that when they saw me as a baby, right after I was born, that it was love at first sight. I KNOW my grandad felt that way about me. I don't think anyone else in the world loved me as much as he did. I can't even picture him without a smile... 2
CarrieT Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I've also been thinking of how one would go about dealing with that sort of thing if they were already married and didn't want to mess things up. One could deal with the onslaught of desire with the knowledge that it IS ephemeral and will not last - and that hopefully the love that brought one into a marriage is more important, stronger, and life-fulfilling than the "chemistry" that will fade.
LittleTiger Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 'Love' at first sight - no, definitely not. Love is something that grows with time - and an intimate knowledge of the other person. It involves respect for that person and all that they are, as well as acceptance of their many imperfections. 'Lust', 'intoxicating chemistry', 'desire' at first sight - absolutely! Like CarrieT said though, it doesn't last - and when it's gone you'd better hope there is something else very special between you if you want the relationship to continue. The kind of desire that comes from love - now that is what lasts! There is something else that I would call 'connection' at first meeting, which is different from any of the above. I do believe in that, but it's spiritual rather than romantic or sexual. I imagine, under the right circumstances, that kind of connection could lead to love, but it's still not 'love' at first sight as most people would describe it. 1
Author Roadkill007 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 'Love' at first sight - no, definitely not. Love is something that grows with time - and an intimate knowledge of the other person. It involves respect for that person and all that they are, as well as acceptance of their many imperfections. 'Lust', 'intoxicating chemistry', 'desire' at first sight - absolutely! Like CarrieT said though, it doesn't last - and when it's gone you'd better hope there is something else very special between you if you want the relationship to continue. The kind of desire that comes from love - now that is what lasts! There is something else that I would call 'connection' at first meeting, which is different from any of the above. I do believe in that, but it's spiritual rather than romantic or sexual. I imagine, under the right circumstances, that kind of connection could lead to love, but it's still not 'love' at first sight as most people would describe it. what would you describe then, the intoxication many people have with their babies? It might not be "first sight", but probably by "first cry"?
todreaminblue Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Pretty self-explanatory title. I'd like to clarify, though, that it's not technically "love-at-first-sight" : more like "falling-in-love-at-first-sight". And yes, if you don't believe, please feel free to list whatever reasons for your disbelief, whether you believe it's actually more like "lust-at-first-sight", or whatever you think/feel about the topic. Personally, I do believe, as it's happened to me once before, when I was 13 years old. How do I know it wasn't just infatuation? I've had an infatuation case just the year before, and the feelings were like sunlight vs moonlight in intensity. It was like I was highly attuned to her without consciously making an effort. Even if she was only in the corner of my eye, I could only see her. Close up, the effects were even more devastating; I'd always be grinning like an idiot whenever I saw her twinkling eyes, my heartbeat would go crazy, and all the other silly signs. And yes, the electrifying effects were instantaneous. I still remember first seeing her at the P.E area... Anyways, I was thinking about this topic because I've read a few posts here on LS recently suggest the writers of those posts simply don't believe in the idea of someone falling in love that fast. Then I searched for the topic, and found no threads about it, and felt this needed a thorough discussion i think you can feel an attraction.....but i believe the only true way to fall in love with someone happens when you get to know them, when you can see their flaws and still feel for them regardless,that takes time.....and friendship......when the little things capture your heart......and make you smile......when i have fallen in love ...it has been with friends and the attraction was there....but i don't trust just attraction.......i have to know someone.....get to know them better...before i allow my heart to fall....i have dated guys i have felt that instant attraction for, and it wasnt enough.....i have to know them and for them to know me....when i fall.....i fall pretty hard.... .deb
angel.eyes Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I do believe that true love at first sight (not just physical attraction and hormones) happens for some people. I know people in long-lasting, happy, healthy marriages who say they fell in love at first sight and just knew they were meant to spend their lives with their partner. I don't think all of us are blessed in that way. It can be hard to understand if you've never experienced it. But just because I've never physically travelled to the moon, doesn't mean that others haven't or that it's not possible. It just means I wasn't one of the lucky ones. That's all. 1
LittleTiger Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 what would you describe then, the intoxication many people have with their babies? It might not be "first sight", but probably by "first cry"? Most women love their babies long before they are born!
LittleTiger Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I do believe that true love at first sight (not just physical attraction and hormones) happens for some people. If it's not just physical attraction and hormones, what is it? We're talking about a complete stranger that you have never set eyes on before. How can you feel 'love' (ie like, respect, care deeply) for someone you don't know anything about? It makes no sense at all. When people say they fell in love at first sight what they usually mean is that they were instantly attracted to the other person and felt an immediate connection with them when they started talking. When they later fall in love for real and form a long term relationship they will remember the experience as having 'fallen in love at first sight'.
angel.eyes Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 We're talking about a complete stranger that you have never set eyes on before. How can you feel 'love' (ie like, respect, care deeply) for someone you don't know anything about? It makes no sense at all. I respect your viewpoint, but it's ironic that you say this right after pointing out to another poster that women (I would correct that to most women) are in love with their children even before they are born. They know nothing about that child, that child's personality, or who that child will become. Yet they love and care for them deeply and willingly make personal sacrifices for them. The same is true of some couples from the outset. Emotions don't make sense. I'm not going to change your mind with a single post. That's OK, however, there are definitely people who fell in love at first sight...and no, it isn't revisionist story telling on their part.
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