AnnonymousGuy Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I have Been dating my girlfriend for roughly 13 months, she is 25, I am 27. She is leaving on Thursday for a one year graduate program. Upon completion she will be coming back. It's the first girl I have ever felt strongly about being in Love with. She says her feelings are the same and I have no reason not to believe her because our relationship is wonderful. It's probably the only reason I am willing to try a LDR. I am however, starting to have major anxiety about the pending separation. Not anxiety in the form of not wanting to try and do it, because I absolutely would rather be in a 1 year LDR with her, than not be with her at all. I just have a very uneasy feeling about it and have these mood swings, almost daily it seems like. We plan on seeing each other 2-4 times per month. We both have the means to make that happen. I will fly to see her, she will fly home to see me, and we also plan on driving to meet halfway (about 4 hrs), once in a while also. We will also have extended visits at Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and hopefully plan to take a vacation somewhere during fall break. I am also in school, and I work as well so I won't have any problem keeping busy. She will also be very busy with her master's program. We both view this separation as a means to an end. I am pursuing a degree for a career change, and she is pursuing a masters so she can get the job she wants. We did not make the decision to do these things collectively, but when we met the plans were already in place. Neither one of us were going to stop pursuing our goals to prevent a separation. Doing what we are doing now will allow us both to live the life we want to live (professionally, financially), whether we are together or apart (hopefully together). I realize we are both still young, but we are also at the age where we could at least consider getting engaged in a few years if things worked out that way. Neither one of use are the type that is out looking to get married. We both were caught by surprise at how much we liked each other initially, and then by how hard we fell in love with each other. So I guess in some way, this distance will be a decent indication if that is the direction this relationship could go, or if it's not. All in all, i'm just nervous, and I think it's because I am in a relationship with a person that i love, respect, and lust for, for the first time in my life. It does help to vent...
Author AnnonymousGuy Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Said goodbye to my girlfriend this morning, it really, really, sucked. We talked last night and both are adamant about wanting to be together in a LDR, than to not be together at all. We agreed to be very honest with each other and if we start to have a change of feelings to tell the other person and end it amicably. I'm confident we both have enough respect for one another to do that, and it is comforting to have that trust. We acknowledge it is going to be difficult, and are willing to try and make it work, even when it gets tough (and it undoubtedly will). She told me that even when we have a bad day or week or few weeks of communication, she will not give up say F it just because we had a rough patch. The good new is I am going to see her for her birthday next week, a few weeks after that we are planning on meeting halfway (about 4 hour drive), for the weekend. Then she is coming back for the 4th of july, and in the middle of July we are both taking flights and meeting for a concert. It's comforting to know there is a plan to see each other. So now that she is gone, what kind of advice can you all give me to keep my spirits up? Planning on concentrating on work, school (Summer class starts next week), and working out. This weekend i am heading to the beach with a group of friends for memorial day.
SaltwaterHeart Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) So now that she is gone, what kind of advice can you all give me to keep my spirits up? I think what you wrote sounds good. Just don't let it get you down, I think that is the most important advice I could give you. Take comfort in the fact that you will be able to meet quite regularly! That really is a gift and will help enormously. People will probably make comments doubting your relationship at some point or another, but don't let it get to you. Don't be scared of long distance. It is hard at times, but it is not impossible. Edited May 23, 2013 by SaltwaterHeart typo
justwhoiam Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 So now that she is gone, what kind of advice can you all give me My best advice - if you want it to work - is that you adjust to each other's needs. That is key not to break up. If you're not around as much as she needs, or the other way round, if each other's efforts are not balanced, arguing will be just around the corner, hence tension, doubts about the relationship and wanting out. 1
FitChick Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 You have it easier than most people in this situation because you both can afford the time and money to see each other more often. It will work if you both want it to.
na49 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Knowing exactly when you will be seeing them next is always comforting. I'm not in a LDR but I don't get to see my girlfriend as much as I do during the semester. We try to always have the next time we're seeing each other planned out ahead of time so we can both look forward to it and fall back on it. Not knowing when you'll see them next could really hurt. I agree with everyone else though. If you both want it to work, it will work. Best of luck!
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