Elias18 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Hello all, I broke up 3 months ago with my girlfriend, it was a very short but an intense relationship (3/4 months). When I feel lonely I think back of the sex we had. It's very annoying, it happens multiples times a day. I can't think about other girls I have had, she is the only one who turns me on?! I don't want her back and she was not a great personality, but I miss the intimacy and the strong gut feeling I had when I was with her. I relive those moments in my head and it's very nice for a short time, then I realise she is gone and I will never get her again. Sometimes I think about her with other guys and it makes me sick. I have her as a facebook friend but I blocked her messages in the newsfeed. Sometimes I struggle to "not look" on her fb, but I think she will have pictures with other guys. Do people experience the same?
Emilia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Do people experience the same? Not anymore but used to. Don't mean to be grafic but the best thing is not to think about her when you masturbate. Take her off your facebook friends' list and block her.
Author Elias18 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Very true! But I can't defriend her, because I defriended her about 2 months ago. Last month we became friends again, I don't look at her profile and can't see her updates in the newsfeed. I don't want to seem weak. I will not wish her happy birthday, she has her birthday over 2 weeks. Not to mastrubate on my ex girlfriend is very difficult, because the memories are so lively.
Emilia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Very true! But I can't defriend her, because I defriended her about 2 months ago. Last month we became friends again, I don't look at her profile and can't see her updates in the newsfeed. I don't want to seem weak. I will not wish her happy birthday, she has her birthday over 2 weeks. Weak is being overtly concerned about what other people think. Strong is deleting and blocking her. Who gives f**k about her birthday? Someone else is having sex with her now. Sorry to be so blunt Not to mastrubate on my ex girlfriend is very difficult, because the memories are so lively. I know but you need to find other stimulation. You will get over her faster than way. A man gave this advice here once and personally I've found it to be true. Find another girl to focus on
Author Elias18 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 But that is one of my fears, I'm not ugly but it's very difficult to meet some decent girls. My fear to never have a goodlooking girl like I had, and the fear of being alone a whole year without love or intimacy. I don't have any other girl at the moment that I find attractive, and no girls that are interested in me at the moment. **** me, it's over 3 months ago, I dumped her and I still feel like ****
Author Elias18 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 She is so much stronger than me. And you are correct, she is F****** other guys right now and is over me.
Emilia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Completely get it and it's normal how you feel. The only thing you can do though is to go out and socialise and talk to girls. She isn't the only hot chick in the world. Hope you had a good reason for dumping her otherwise you are probably kicking yourself now.
Toddbt12y1 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Yeah. Count her as dead and remove her FB. Otherwise you will see things you definitely do not want to see. I remember snooping at my exes page for a while. I didn't find anything I didn't already know...fortunately I stopped myself...having her pop up as a friend suggestion sucks Multi-profiles. Anyway do what Emilia the foxxy lady tells. She is right...nothing else to add.
Amelie1980 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 She is so much stronger than me. And you are correct, she is F****** other guys right now and is over me. You dumped her though. Do you expect her to sit around mourning you?
Author Elias18 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Rationaly I knew this wasn't the girl for me, too much differences and an other perspective on the world. I have a job, she wanted to travel and wanted to move to another city to live there and going to university. She drank a lot and only wanted to party. But it's difficult and I have been kicking myself a lot, I thought being a dumper would made things easier. But then again, I loved her en she loved me.. but we didn't have a future. At the end there were some cracks visible and I think she would leave me anyway. I am 24, she was 18, so I think that was a problem also. She is hot and is dating other guys, not a type that is comfortable being alone. But maybe this is good for me, to learn how to be single and create a nice live and see a relationship as an additional thing (an extra). Is it healthy to think about the ex, or should I ignore my negative feelings around her?
Emilia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Rationaly I knew this wasn't the girl for me, too much differences and an other perspective on the world. I have a job, she wanted to travel and wanted to move to another city to live there and going to university. She drank a lot and only wanted to party. But it's difficult and I have been kicking myself a lot, I thought being a dumper would made things easier. But then again, I loved her en she loved me.. but we didn't have a future. At the end there were some cracks visible and I think she would leave me anyway. I am 24, she was 18, so I think that was a problem also. She is hot and is dating other guys, not a type that is comfortable being alone. But maybe this is good for me, to learn how to be single and create a nice live and see a relationship as an additional thing (an extra). Is it healthy to think about the ex, or should I ignore my negative feelings around her? Sounds like your decision was based on a very mature thought process and you saved yourself from a lot of heart ache further on. What do you mean 'around her'?
Author Elias18 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 I'm sorry english is not my native language. But I mean with negative thoughts; seeing her with other guys, thinking where it went wrong in the relationship, how things eventually could work out, thinking about how beautiful she is and talented. A few weeks ago I saw her with an other guy, we spoke a couple of minutes and I bought her a drink. She was totally cool about the situation and after the drink she went on her way with that new guy. A couple of times I saw her looking at me in the bar. When she walked away she was grinning, I felt so f******* weak, wanted to act very nice but ended up like a total donkey! She knows that I feel for her and she is very happy that she moved on already and I haven't. That situation keeps playing in my mind over and over again. Couple of days ago a friend of mine saw her in a bar and talked with her. My friend dropped my name and my ex wasn't affected by that. She stated that I was just a simple fling for her and she has moved on. Very strange, couple of months ago it was quite the opposite: I can't live without you, you're the first love of my life etc. etc. etc. Very cold and uncaring!
Emilia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I'm sorry english is not my native language. But I mean with negative thoughts; seeing her with other guys, thinking where it went wrong in the relationship, how things eventually could work out, thinking about how beautiful she is and talented. You are doing fine. Get her out of your head. A few weeks ago I saw her with an other guy, we spoke a couple of minutes and I bought her a drink. She was totally cool about the situation and after the drink she went on her way with that new guy. A couple of times I saw her looking at me in the bar. When she walked away she was grinning, I felt so f******* weak, wanted to act very nice but ended up like a total donkey! She knows that I feel for her and she is very happy that she moved on already and I haven't. That situation keeps playing in my mind over and over again. Couple of days ago a friend of mine saw her in a bar and talked with her. My friend dropped my name and my ex wasn't affected by that. She stated that I was just a simple fling for her and she has moved on. Very strange, couple of months ago it was quite the opposite: I can't live without you, you're the first love of my life etc. etc. etc. Very cold and uncaring! You dumped her, she has her pride. You shouldn't expect anything else but cold and uncaring. You had your reasons for dumping her and you were probably right but she has her pride.
Author Elias18 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 What do you mean by that? That she has her pride?
Emilia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 What do you mean by that? That she has her pride? That she is behaving like how any person who was dumped should: pretend that she doesn't care. It's possible that she really doesn't care but it is also possible that you hurt her ego and pride and she is putting on a brave face. Most people are not heartless.
Author Elias18 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 When I met a friend of hers, she told her that she dumped me out of the blue. So I guess you are right, that she puts on a face that she doesn't care. Maybe she cares and maybe not, it's 3 months ago. Didn't know it was so difficult to let go of someone, even if you're the dumper. But what the hell, I shouldn't overanalyze why she looked cold. It isn't helping in my healing process. I wish her all the best and I hope I never see her again ... very difficult when you live in the same town. But many thanks for your good advice! I must ban all my sexual thoughts of my ex, and replace it with other thoughts. 1
Emilia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I must ban all my sexual thoughts of my ex, and replace it with other thoughts. This would be the best. The faster you do this, the faster you heal. We all break up with people who are not good for us.
Author Elias18 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Sometimes it's very difficult to accept I was the dumper and she moved on with her life. Emotionally I regret my descision, rationally I knew it was for the best. But I have nothing now and that sucks! Sometimes it creeps into my mind that maybe I made the wrong descision, after a while I forget the things that weren't so nice about her and only think about the good times. I mess myself up by the thought that things could work out and I was making problems that weren't there. But when I talk with my friends they say it was a good descision, although it doesn't always feel that way! I was under a lot of stress and I felt depressed most of the time when she was not around. I think that was not healthy. Furthermore I was very needy and was in contact with her most of the day. Nowadays it feels like that I have been the dumpee and she is the dumper. She hasn't contacted me in the last 3 months. I think I should stick to NC and continue my life. I think if I contact her I will be very dissapointed because she will have an other guy or doesn't want me anymore. I think I will regret that because it will feel like rejection. I'm very obsessed, and I feel very very down when I realise that 3 months have passed and I'm not healed. I wish there was a nice girl around so I could shift my attention to her.
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