egalew Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 After a good date, do you (ladies) ever sent a text / e-mail thanking him for the date? Or wait for him to respond first, fearing you would come across as too desperate?
soccerrprp Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Not a woman here, but a thank you text isn't desperate at all. As a guy, I always appreciate such a message immediately after a date. Unless the guy is a jerk, who wouldn't enjoy such an ego-booster, right? You just told me that I did something right and you enjoyed yourself. That's a good message to get. 1
candie13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I wouldn't do it. I'd wait a bit, at least... if I really really liked the guy and felt he needed encouragement, maybe I would send a text... a few days later !
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I never text. I send an actual, hand-written 'Bread-and-butter' note by land-mail. Which would you prefer to receive? That - or a text saying: "Thanx 4 a grt evening - must do it agn sum time. C u L8-r!"
candie13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I'd be scared if I received a hand written note from a guy I've just met, to thank me for one date ! If we were dating for 6 months and he'd send me some flowers, yes, I would appreciate a hand written note with 'em !
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Scared - ? Why?? It's the way things were done before all this technology effectively sounded the death-knell for proper communication. It gives people time to adjust, appreciate and to think fully before taking another step. Texts are immediate - and god knows, people read far too much into them, and question every nuance... There's a lot to be said for making it personal, and taking your time to 'woo'....
sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Scared - ? Why?? Because... how the heck did you find out my postal address after only 1 date? Or if this is later in the relationship then it's just fine.
candie13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I dunno, it's a bit... too personal, to me. I actually enjoy the distance that technology puts between people, because truth is... I don't know them that well! I will write hand written notes to my close family, to my very close friends... I guess that makes me a bit shy, I need my personal space before really allowing someone close. A good date, a great date wouldn't make me feel differently. And if indeed the date was indeed great, he would follow up the next few days. I guess it's very personal. I see your point on being a lot more thoughtful and personal... I guess I simply feel more comfortable taking my time...
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Because... how the heck did you find out my postal address after only 1 date? I had my private dick follow you, silly!! 1
candie13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I don't know how that's desperate. It's telling him you had a nice time. If you're interested in him you should contact him and let him know otherwise he could move on to someone else. nope. I am all for equal rights and equal responsibility, but the truth is, women wear the bloody high heels, paint their face, spend a lot of money on stupid things such as waxing, hair saloons and pantyhose and still get 10 to 15% less pay for the same job... guys should play along and do the chasing, IMHO . At least at the beginning.
candie13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 it's guys who usually pursue women, not the other way around. if the date went well, the guy should have all the signs telling him she wants him to follow up. If he's not contacting the girl, despite her laughing her head off an evening earlier / the date went very well / ... who's playing games? I agree that the girl could encourage the guy with a text, a few days later, if the date went so-so...
nerd Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Hm. I'm a guy and I've never waited for the girl to text first. Would doing so tell me anything useful?
TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 From personal experience the women who were interested contact me the same day or next day even if the date went bad. I don't know why people play games. Why wouldn't you like a guy know? How is going to know if you're interested or not? It's not wonder guy just date women to women because their head is spinning from the games. Dating has always been a 'game'. The problem has been, that with emancipation, social equality and "Women's Lib", the 'rules' have become obscure, blurred and even lost. Once, dating was clear-cut-and-dried. Men chased, women resisted and in the end, they married. Now - it's anybody's guess, and men are bewildered, unsure and consequently, appear to be indecisive, prevaricating lily-livered wimps - when in actual fact, all it is, is that they no longer know where they stand. Women cry emancipation, equality and a level playing field - yet complain when guys seem to be indecisive, prevaricating, lily-livered wimps. 2
nerd Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 You should read some of the post where people seemed interested but eventually disappeared, after that date or after a few. Hugged, kissed, laughed, seemed to really enjoy it but they disappear. Seriously it's a guessing game. that's happened to me a few times. Girl even mentioned specific things she would text/call me about to follow up with. Got a lackluster response a couple days later... Whatever.
candie13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 You should read some of the post where people seemed interested but eventually disappeared, after that date or after a few. Hugged, kissed, laughed, seemed to really enjoy it but they disappear. Seriously it's a guessing game. you're not responsible for their actions. It's got nothing to do with you. if a girl responds in a positive way, you have ground reason to believe her and pursue her further, should you equally be interested. I don't know any other posters, I have not been on their dates and I don't know if they're telling the truth. the thing is: you either believe that the person you're dating is genuine and likes you... or you think she's lying. So your lack of contact actually tells more about you (and your hung ups, if I may), than about her. if indeed, she is lying and getting lost after a few dates, well, that makes it HER PROBLEM. Lots of f*cked up people out there, you can only do your best to weed the good ones out of the bad ones. Asking constantly for confirmation may be driving some of the good ones away. It's ok if it's making you feel more comfortable... but there's no guarantees that even those who did call back won't vanish, in the end... There's no rule, you can only do your best at being honest and at going after what and whom you're interested in. Anything else is out of your control, so you shouldn't really worry about or try to anticipate.
candie13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 that's happened to me a few times. Girl even mentioned specific things she would text/call me about to follow up with. Got a lackluster response a couple days later... Whatever. precisely. no rules whatsoever!
crude Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 nope. I am all for equal rights and equal responsibility, but the truth is, women wear the bloody high heels, paint their face, spend a lot of money on stupid things such as waxing, hair saloons and pantyhose and still get 10 to 15% less pay for the same job... guys should play along and do the chasing, IMHO . At least at the beginning. I think women wear and do those things for themselves and other women, not necessarily for men. Also, women have far more opportunities than men now and if they make less, it's only because they're making a conscious effort to not make more than their husbands or don't want to make too much $$$ for fear men won't want them. I don't want to play along with women who don't achieve all they're capable of because of lame sexual stereotypes.
candie13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I think women wear and do those things for themselves and other women, not necessarily for men. Also, women have far more opportunities than men now and if they make less, it's only because they're making a conscious effort to not make more than their husbands or don't want to make too much $$$ for fear men won't want them. I don't want to play along with women who don't achieve all they're capable of because of lame sexual stereotypes. I never said anything about the husband. I am talking male colleagues doing the same work. It's not about a competition between the 2 partners dating eachother, I mean colleagues sharing the same desk. LIKE a SITUATION on CONSTANT BASIS, not just in one office. Lame sexual stereotypes my arse, look at the salaries in your own country - lack of information does not excuse IGNORANCE . I live in Switzerland, no site in English, but there you go, knock yourself out! salaire-uss.ch ::::::: Salaires d'usage Think I like bringing those "lame" excuse myself? I can open the door myself, I can pull my own chair myself, I can pour my own glass of wine myself, thank you very much, I simply want the pay to be equal . And I have always been a successful professional and must confess to very seldom being in a situation where my partner would make more money than me. I live it ok, I couldn't care less - mom makes more $$ than my dad, but different professions, what can you do! didn't prevent them from being happy or from him chasing her... Thread jacking and vent over, thanks!
ja123 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I think it's very polite to afterwards contact the person who invited you out with a "Thanks for the date" message. If you like the person, then you can always make it a little more personable.
candie13 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 But you're like a lot of attention, so I don't think I would take you seriously on this topic. Seriously it's only about me? The guy is expected to ask women out which results in many rejections then he's suppose to pay for the date and entertain. Nothing is worse than someone expecting me to feed their ego. Treat a man well and he will jump through hoops for you, treat him badly and he won't do much or if he does it won't last long. It's the silly games like don't call him because it makes you desperate. Clingy makes a woman look desperate not contacting him once that she enjoyed the that. of course I enjoy attention, a lot of women do, it's called vanity. Who do you think buys those red lipsticks, the wall flowers ? But while I admit to being a little vain - not an attention whore, mind you - I am also very sensitive to the other people and other people's feelings. And you are right, gosh, nobody should be expected to entertain and to pay for the date, oh my God, no way!!! A date is two people getting to know eachother, it's not a performance, there are no implicit demands that go with it. If you really like the girl and feel like paying her a drink, you do it. Otherwise you don't. That's why I always avoid going to dinner for the first two - three dates, we're both in the discovery phase. You're putting way too much pressure on yourself and on your role, as a man. The only thing you "have" to do is to see if you have a good time with that girl, ideally crack a few jokes, that's all. You don't even have to spend more than one hour or so with the girl, unless you enjoy it. Nobody's feeding anyone else's ego here, that is... a HUGE jump! I sort of agree with your theory about treating people well - I believe everyone appreciates to see their date appreciating them - but jumping through hoops ?? who gave that girl all the power... if you didn't? I'm not saying "don't contact him because it makes women look desperate". It makes them look unsure of themselves. And they are sabotaging the guy - he may be well educated, or polite and may want or not want to initiate contact... just like men, women have a lot of insecurities as well... Plus, the attitude on the dating scene is changing a lot!!! Since it's the guy asking the girl out, I'd expect him to do the next move... or if I sense that he's shy, I may say during the date - "I've had a nice time, would be fun to catch up again". There are a LOT of girls playing the aggressive game, asking men out, going on dates... I'm just not like that. If he likes some other girl better, by all means, go ahead and pursue them, I don't wanna impose... if he likes me, however... he'll let me know... he won't let me get away . I'm terribly old fashioned,
Recommended Posts