Jump to content

Ex gf on Facebook.

notsosuperman

By notsosuperman
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

notsosuperman Member

notsosuperman

Posted
Posted (edited)

EDIT: Something went wrong with the headline.. She readded me on facebook

 

I know some of you will say "didn't read, but no" or "you would not have made this thread if you were ready" but please, do read.

 

Back in september she dumped my sorry ass. She said everything was chaotic and that she was not ready for a relationship. Now, I know what that means "you are not the one for me".

 

I then deleted her from Facebook and everything I had. Conversations, pictures etc. She reached out twice, me being polite the first time, which was after a week. Second time she asked how I was, a month later, I simply replied "really good, thanks".

 

She got kinda offended by this and I honestly never thought I would hear from her again.

 

I was really hurt by her. She was the first girl I ever kissed, and we were close to having sex one time, which was a big deal for me since I am a virgin.

 

Anyways, she sent a friend request yesterday and it has been pending since then. In some way it annoys me, but in a another way I find it kinda funny, and it also feels kinda good, that I have turned this around by doing die-hard NC.

 

I have asked a couple of my close friends, some say "just accept it. you've been friends before and nothing makes you enemies" and some says "don't, she dumped you. Let this be a lesson".

 

I kinda wanna decline it, just to be the only ex she is not in contact with.. Don't f*ck with me.

 

Compared to a lot of users on Loveshack (no offense) I have actually sticked to NC. NEVER broken it. NEVER spoken a work to her at school. I ignored her.

 

But at the same time, a long time has passed, and I would kinda like to hear just what she has to say. I have no problem with her f*cking random dudes and I have no problem with her having a new BF, I really do not care. I am not eager and tempted to check her facebook or her pictures.

 

I am just a bit afraid that I am trying to make an excuse for myself.

Edited by notsosuperman
headsashed Established Member

headsashed

Posted
Posted

If you were'nt bothered you wouldnt have made this post, my opinion anyway, so my advice is stay with NC and carry on healing. But if you think / believe you are over her then accept her friends request,cant hurt nothing right if ur over her?.

  • Like 2
candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
Posted

don't open that can of worms. Not just yet.

 

Wait until you have a gf or at least have one or two other girls in mind... it's a lot better to be more excited about the real life out there.. because once you add her back on fb, there will be a draw back...

  • Like 1
Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
Posted

I'd be very hesitant about adding an ex back on fb, especially if she did not want a relationship with me anymore!

 

For one, if she has a new boyfriend and has photos of him with her, on her fb, then seeing them is just going to hurt me. and if she is posting status updates like "has SUCH A GREAT BOYFRIEND" it is just going to do my head in.

 

also, by accepting her as a friend it would give her the impression that things are cool between us, and would thus assuage her guilt. why would you wanna do that? you don't need to be nasty, just ignore it, I have been ignored by girls and it sends a much louder message than a rude response would.

  • Author
notsosuperman Member

notsosuperman

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks, both of you. And yeah, that's what I've been thinking. And I just don't see why she adds me now.. I just graduated, prom was 3 days ago. I know one should not put too much in too Facebook and stuff, but still it makes you wonder.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

I know some of you will say "didn't read, but no" or "you would not have made this thread if you were ready" ..........

 

You would not have made this thread if you were ready.

 

If the cap fits - wear it.

 

I am just a bit afraid that I am trying to make an excuse for myself.

 

Rightly so - because you are.

  • Like 2
  • Author
notsosuperman Member

notsosuperman

Posted
  • Author
Posted

It just seems like I can't hit it right. If I accept it either says "I still like you" or "things are cool"

But if I decline it looks like "I'm still not over you" or "f*ck off"

 

This should be so easy..

Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
Posted

you can't control how other people feel. even if YOU ARE OVER HER COMPLETELY, she may live in denial and believe you still pine over her every day.

 

you can't control how other people feel, even if you would like to.

 

To me not accepting a friend request simply sends the message "there is nothing left between us" and whatever slant she chooses to put on that IS ON HER, not you. if she chooses to interpret that as "he still loves me and thinks about me every day" THEN WHO CARES, because that is simply HER INTERPRETATION OF REALITY. stop worrying about what other people think and do what is best for you.

  • Like 4
candie13 Established Member

candie13

Posted
Posted

what if you just... don't think about it? as in... I actually have a life and couldn't care less about fb?

 

the issue is... you still care! and that girl is doing all she can to make you show it. If things ended sourly on your side, not wanting any contact on that person doesn't mean "you're not over them", it only means you don't want any toxic people in your life and on your fb list.

 

You don't wanna keep in touch, you couldn't care less about their morning vent, about their outing with their friends and even less about whatever guy they're banging... if you were over it, you'd have been the one sending the fb invite. She's aggressing you, she wants it her way, she wants to make herself feel better - "oh, I wasn't so mean and so bad, see? he doesn't think I am an evil b*tch playing with his heart... see? he'd forgiven me"

 

she won't have ANYTHING to say. You can forget any apology notes. For her, it's life as usual! She may look at the fb invite as a friendly hand shake, something from you saying she's not such a bad person...

 

Really? Really wanna give her that? Do you really care?

 

Just look ahead of you ! If it's in the past, it's because there was a reason for it. Never forget that ! Learn to listen to yourself and trust yourself and your instincts more!

  • Like 2
  • Author
notsosuperman Member

notsosuperman

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I declined.

 

She wanted me out of her life. She got that.

 

Thank you guys for helping. You are always great at helping and putting things in perspective. Done is done.

  • Like 2
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
It just seems like I can't hit it right. If I accept it either says "I still like you" or "things are cool"

But if I decline it looks like "I'm still not over you" or "f*ck off"

 

This should be so easy..

 

 

Actually, it is. It's only you making it more complicated, in your mind, than it actually is.

 

Ordinaryday said it well.

 

This isn't about her or her feelings/opinions/motives.

 

This is about safeguarding what's yours.

  • Like 1
  • Author
notsosuperman Member

notsosuperman

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I need help guys. I was out with my friends, and now I have gotten a message from her.. She wrote: "Hey. You don't wanna accept my friend request or what? :)"

 

How do I respond to this?

Edited by notsosuperman
siankat Established Member

siankat

Posted
Posted (edited)

Just write back that 'facebook is over rated :)'

 

That way she won't know how you feel. You don't have to answer her direct question with a direct answer you know ;)

 

For me the best way to respond was by replying, but a very luke warm or off the cuff reply, with spelling mistakes!! shows i didn't even double check it before sending! But nothing that he could reply to without going out of his way to make conversation. Ok so i am over egging it a bit now but you catch my drift :)

Edited by siankat
CelticGibson Established Member

CelticGibson

Posted
Posted

How do you respond to the text? You don't. It's over. You need to stay No Contact until that text means nothing (which it clearly does because you are here posting about it).

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
I need help guys. I was out with my friends, and now I have gotten a message from her.. She wrote: "Hey. You don't wanna accept my friend request or what? :)"

 

How do I respond to this?

 

Please, please please!

 

Don't fall for it!

 

She is not your 'friend'!

 

You can never be simply a friend to someone who has crushed your heart under heel!

 

Look at the turmoil you are in!!

 

I thought you were 'over her'....?

See?? She can still mess with your mind!

 

While she can do that - you MUST absolutely must, stay total No Contact!

 

(Read the NC Guide in my sig, ok?? She is soooo crying for attention - self-validation, boost of ego.... Leave it be!!)

  • Like 1
flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted
It just seems like I can't hit it right. If I accept it either says "I still like you" or "things are cool"

But if I decline it looks like "I'm still not over you" or "f*ck off"

 

This should be so easy..

 

who cares if she thinks you're not over her. that's not your problem. do you think she was overly concerned about what you'd think when she dumped you?

  • Like 2
itto ogami Established Member

itto ogami

Posted
Posted

She's phishing for attention and to assauge any residual guilt. She probably even would like you as a friend since you seem to be a nice guy (this happens too). But this is communication at its lamest and laziest. She could cal if she has anything important to say and she likely doesn't.

 

Stick with NC.

1908 Member

1908

Posted
Posted
I need help guys. I was out with my friends, and now I have gotten a message from her.. She wrote: "Hey. You don't wanna accept my friend request or what? :)"

 

How do I respond to this?

 

Yeah, like others have said: you don't. Hopefully you didn't anyways. The only way you should ever add an ex on facebook is if you feel literally nothing for them. I recently added an ex of mine from 5+ years ago. She broke it off with me and it hurt obviously but the years have lessened the pain. She's getting married in the fall and is having a baby and I honestly didn't feel even the slightest amount of regret or bitterness whatsoever towards her. Just a whole lot of indifference.

  • Like 1
  • Author
notsosuperman Member

notsosuperman

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Hi. I would just like to update you, since I havent written here since yesterday.

 

I am a bit surprised myself.. I genuinely thought I was done with her. It shocks me a bit that I can still be confused about something so stupid like this - so I did not reply.

I've been die-hard NC since the 8th of November and it had really helped me a lot.. Why would I ruin that now?

 

Thank you guys, all of you. I really appreciate the help you are giving me.

Edited by notsosuperman
  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Only one thing better than being able to give free advice: when the recipient listens and pays attention.

:)

 

Good for you. I believe you made absolutely the right choice in not responding.

That alone and in itself should be enough to let the 'message' sink in.

You don't WANT her in your life.

Why would you?

 

Keep us posted - but yeah. NC is definitely the perpetual bottom line here......

 

*thumbs up* !

  • Like 2
  • Author
notsosuperman Member

notsosuperman

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Hi! Guess what! She contacted me again and this time I didn't really feel anything.. Other than a great feeling!

 

I guess I was hurt a little when she contacted was because I had not heard from her in a looong time and because of that, I never actually saw, that she was over me. That message kinda proved it to me - and I am glad that happened.

 

I did not answer her last message and just now, she contacted me:

"It was your wish that we could be friends when we were over each other etc. That you can't answer one message, is too much.... But I sorry, that you do not wish a friendship again and don't want to answer... See you."

 

One thing - and you can read so, if you check my earlier threads - she contacted me and told that she was the one wanting our friendship back.

 

Second thing - I am not even doubting. I am not gonna answer this. Why should I?

 

I find it so funny, that the girl who dumped me and broke my heart, can't seem to get the message when I ignore her.

 

I feel so great. Thank you guys for helping me. I would never have gotten this far without your help. :)

Edited by notsosuperman
  • Like 4
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Yeah dude, Headashed is right. You wouldn't even have started a thread if you were over her.

 

And now, she's trying to place a guilt trip on you because you don't want to play by HER rules. Sorry but, you don't owe her a damn thing.

 

She wanted you out of her life and that's exactly what she's getting.

  • Like 2
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

Oooooh!

 

THis is just rich!!

 

...."It was your wish that we could be friends when we were over each other etc. That you can't answer one message, is too much.... But I sorry, that you do not wish a friendship again and don't want to answer... See you."

 

She's making the huge assumption that you are over her.

She's presuming you're feeling as breezy and indifferent as she is....

 

Well that's just a darned bloody cheek, being that presumptuous.

 

The irony is, the way she has behaved, has actually accelerated that - but it's made you less and less inclined to be friends....

Her persistence and pushiness has actually being the mitigating factor in making you less and less inclined towards friendship.

 

That's just rude.....

 

 

I find it so funny, that the girl who dumped me and broke my heart, can't seem to get the message when I ignore her.

 

I feel so great. Thank you guys for helping me. I would never have gotten this far without your help. :)

 

Oooh, I think she's getting it....

 

Thank you for working so hard in implementing something which I am sure to begin with was torturous agony and went against everything your heart really yearned to do.

 

But you used your head.

 

Well done you.....

 

:)

  • Like 2
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...