Responsive but no initiating

[dizy]

Hi everyone,

 

I met a guy at work two weeks ago. He seems to be reserved and shy at first but we actually get along quite well. We had to spend a lot of time together because of work and I have developed feelings for him.

 

I am just wondering if there's a way to gauge his interest level.

 

I think he doesn't dislike me, but I am not sure if he is interested in me. From experience with my male friends, I know a guy falls in love very early and they have to be physically attracted to the person.

 

How long does it take for men to realize that they find someone attractive? A fraction a second? a week? more? (assuming that attractiveness is not purely physical)

 

Do shy guys initiate at some point or they will forever expect the other person to do so?

 

I am frankly a bit sick of lack of initiative from most of the guys that I have flirted with. Maybe they weren't that interested in me or maybe that's how they function, but there's absolutely no way of knowing. I would rather not date him than doing all the work.

 

 

Thanks for the input!

[nerd]

What if I'm a guy and the girl is really responsive, but never initiates? Is that OK or am I creating an environment that encourages a double standard?

[Treasa]

From experience with my male friends, I know a guy falls in love very early and they have to be physically attracted to the person.

 

 

I'm not disputing the attraction part. I am, however, going, "Dafuq?" over the part where men fall in love very early. I think you need different male friends, as many guys may CLAIM to fall in love early, but this isn't actually the case.

 

If a guy isn't initiating, and you feel like his interest in you isn't high enough, find someone who is interested enough in you.

 

I don't ever want to get married, and every time I hear someone talking about "the one" I have to refrain from throwing up. Fall in love with yourself, and you will be in a very rare position to be able to pass on someone who doesn't fit your criteria.

[apple OR orange]

if your not getting response from guys you flirt with this means they don’t want you (or they can’t respond, to shy, think you’re out of there liege, or you want to use them for something).

 

Why don’t you just ask them out, rather then trying really hard to make them mind read (or was that way to simple for everyone?)

[pcplod]

As a guy (old man, actually), I think that any man who falls in love early is either nuts or lying. However, I will grant that there are nuts like that out there. It all depends on them first, you second, and the circumstances third.

 

Mr Shy Guy, sounds just like Mr Shy Guy. You ain't getting special treatment from him. I have it on good authority that he is like that with all women in his life, even his mother. But then I blame his mother. Oh, and his dad as well. How much I would blame them would depend on knowing them a lot better.

 

I have a simple dare for you. Just ask him, "Why won't you make a (proper) pass at me"? How he reacts in the next two to three seconds will tell you all you will ever want to know about him. Honestly.

[dizy]

Funny to see all the offended replies about double standard. I have always being the one initiating so I don't think that getting treated like a princess is what I want. However I believe that a relationship requires effort from both sides and speaking from experience with my ex passive people are passive in their lives. You can't change them. I am capable of going after what I want and I just want to know if he is too.

 

And really? Men do not fall in love that fast? This is the first time I hear people claiming the opposite.

[Eggplant]

How long does it take for men to realize that they find someone attractive?

I have read it's a fraction of a second, actually.

 

If he were truly interested, he would get over his shyness and find a way to ask you out. Don't waste your feelings and day-dreaming real estate on him.