VivianLee Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 Originally posted by only1life Could you please pass me the glue? I'm sorry, I keep running out!
whirleygurl Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 i'm trying like heck to glue the plates back together but there's pieces everywhere and the ones i have manged to glue back don't look right... i think i'm in trouble...
only1life Posted October 6, 2004 Posted October 6, 2004 Look closely, maybe the new of the plates look will be better!
annon55 Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 I'm new here and, yes, I'm the spouse who strayed. After three years of very emotional and difficult times with my H, I met a man who made me feel everything was possible and good. Except that I was not being good or honest. Were my "needs" not being met at home? yes, but it's bigger than that and not my H's fault. I wasn't asking for what I needed. I wasn't happy with myself and when someone else made me happy, I was overwhelmed. About two months after my H discovered the truth and moved out, I made a commitment to work things out with him. He moved back in and whe have been trying to put things back together. We have a wonderful child and have had a good life together. I felt that my marriage deserved the respect I hadn't been giving it, to survive on its own. Or to fail, but not for lack of trying. I'm not sure yet if the marriage will be healed, but I have accepted my responsibility for the pain and dishonesty, for the betrayal. It's a lot of work, and it takes a lot of humility to admit when you're wrong. Some days I'm not so good at it. Some days everything I do is overshadowed by his anger and mistrust. Some days I feel like I can't take another outburst telling me how much I've hurt him. Some days all I want is to move on and put all that pain behind me. But I am the one who broke our vows and I am the one who betrayed his trust. So, I try to understand and be patient. I try to respect his right to be angry. I try to let him see that I am sorry and I am trying and that my commitment is to him and our family. Right now, I think we are at the point where something has to change. We have to find a constructive way to move past the pain and toward growth. But he's not quite ready. I'll be there when he is, though. And we will start the growth and I hope that will be the true salvation for us. Without it, we will both be miserable: him, angry & resentful; me: guilty and wondering if I've made the right choice. No one can live that way. Not forever. Yes, I loved the OM. It was difficult to leave him. I stop myself from calling him regularly. I still think about him a lot. But as time passes, the wounds heal. And I don't expect my H to deal with those wounds or even to have to see them. His wounds needs to heal and he needs to know I am there to help with that.
only1life Posted October 8, 2004 Posted October 8, 2004 Annon55, well written message, I hope you really mean all you said. And I hope it works out for you in the best ways. Remember to keep the communication completely open with him. Think about what caused the early problems, and make sure you guys talk about it. It may be hard to discuss some things, but if it is like my case, these things have to come out, otherwise they stay in and build up to worse things. It was not all your fault. Don't take all the blame. Yes, you made the obvious mistakes, but many other things led up to it as well. He must also know that you have severed all connections with your former lover. He may or may nor understand how hard this is for you, but until you get over the lover, you will not be able to move forward, and your husband may sense this. Rebuilding his trust will be difficult. But one of the best things, is for you to be totally honest with him. He must know that you are hiding nothing, and you must give him no reason to suspect anything. You honest reassurances must show, with more than words, because any little thing that he suspects will bring things back to day 1. Good luck. It is hard, for all involved, but it'll be worth it.
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