A complicated LDR... do I end this for good or stick it out ?

[senoritabonita]

My story is quite complex so I will make it as short as possible.

I have been in a long distance relationship with my man for 1.5 years. He lives in Paris, me, Madrid.

He is Italian, I am Italian-Canadian.

When we first met we spent 1 month apart and every night and day on the phone for that one month. He seemed really

incredible. When he came to see me in madrid he acted like a complete jerk, checking women out, asking me to be

his girlfriend but saying he still wanted to talk to and dance with girls. When i asked if an open relationship was what

he was looking for (NO intention of having one but was curious) he was shocked that I would suggest such a thing and did

not understand why I would. Obviously, I was confused but I thought I´d have fun.

 

Unfortunately for me, he was quite sweet behind closed doors and I began to fall for the sweet version of him.

Also, we hadn´t enough time together for me to really judge his character or understand him.

We kept doing back and forth until summer when, as I had time off from work, he asked me to live with him for a month.

During that month he surprised me with a trip to Italy (pisa, florence, siena) and the south of France (Cannes).

It was very romantic but he kept showing an interest in other women and I expressed my discomfort on this matter.(He told me

that French women were the best looking in the world and now it´s summer so they are wearing less clothing..etc..these

were the sorts of comments I had to endure).

 

 

Later that summer I went back to Canada where I had a hunch he was cheating as he was in Thailand with a friend of his.

He came back totally enamoured by me, not mentioning other women anymore. I didn´t understand him. Still, whenever

he came to visit me in Madrid, we had to spend time with his friends as he has many close friends there.

 

Finally, after months of me interrogating him about Thailand, he fessed up more or less and confessed he had

kissed another woman. I was appalled. I told him I wanted to end it, knowing there was more to this story. Turns out

the girl was french and she lived in Paris. I saw on his phone (yes I snooped I know it´s wrong, okay!)

that she texted him and made a date with him in Paris. At first he agreed then one week later cancelled and never wrote her again.

Naturally,I wanted so much to end things after finding out about all of this (IN DECEMBER)

But he really tried and promised he´d change...and he did.

 

He flew to see me when I was sick, even just angry, when he came to see me he´d buy me groceries, clothes, he introduced me

to his family, he was so much more attentive, caring, etc. And now we are at a point where he has asked me to move in with him in Paris

come September.

 

He also wants to come and meet my family in Canada this summer.

My family does not care to meet this guy because they know I have been conflicted all year. They also want me to come home.

 

As better opportunities are there, I want to go home.

I told this to my bf and now he is determined to come with me.

 

I am feeling really trapped at the moment. He has yet to book his ticket to Canada this summer, but I really

do not feel like I want him to come in any way. On the contrary, I really just want to leave Europe and start anew back home.

 

My brother and his wife are having their first baby in September, we jsut got a puppy who I adore..etc.

 

I jsut want to be back with everybody but right now my bf and I have "decided" I stay in Paris with him until he finds

something in Toronto.

 

But still I feel really uneasy about things. I recently found out he met up with an ex lover behind my back in September,

and he continues to justify thailand by saying thigns like "we were barely together"

and that its difficult being "long distance"

he has also, throughout the year, failed to tell people about me. Even once infront of my face at a party in Madrid

when a girl asked him what he was doing in Madrid he said he was "ON VACATION" instead of the fact that he was there

to visit me, his girlfriend.

 

Also, when I asked ..after a year together, that we show we are in a relationship on facebook, he told me i was ridiculous and went insane about the whole thing saying he does not want to advertise his life on facebook. That it is a fake world. Finally after a weekend of arguing he posted our relationship but it was definitely unwillingly.

 

Maybe I am asking for alot but I just want a committed relationship where me and my boyfriend are on the same page.

 

I feel really trapped and uneasy about these plans but I know that my bf can´t really do any better than me, and that he

has fallen madly in love wiht me at this point...but I don´t really feel that way if I am dreaming of meeting a really good man

and of an independent life in Canada.

 

Do you think I should give Paris a chance or end things for good?

[justwhoiam]

You're not feeling comfortable staying in Paris, but most of all, you're not feeling comfortable with him. It's still early on in your relationship, and you feel you need a way out. What'st the point in forcing yourself in something you don't feel it's good for you?

 

If you don't feel like being totally open to him right now (he was not with you anyway, and more than once, thus trust is somewhat ruined at this point), get on the first plane and tell him that you need to attend someone's funeral or something. And that you want to go there alone. Once you're there, you take your time. Like at least a month, and then write him that you don't feel the same about him anymore.

[TaraMaiden]

Why are you still with him?

 

For goodness' sake, dump the schyster!

I know people say "you can do better" a lot - but trust me on this: You can do better!!

[ExpatInItaly]

You've posted about this before, no? Didn't you get all the confirmation/advice you needed in your past threads?

 

This guy has had and likely still has other women in his life. You are indeed sharing him with others, though not by your own choice. For whatever reasons, you are not his priority. Why make him yours?

 

(I apologize if I've confused you with someone else)

[FitChick]

Is this how it's been going?

[AJinlove]

A relationship is supposed to make you happy ........

[xorro]

I think you need to end it with him.. not just because of the potential 'other women' and the comments about women (though this will drive you insane over time).

What I see is all the reasons he's not quite right or compatible with you. If he were someone you could pursue a long-term relationship with, you wouldn't be feeling this uneasy. Part of your mind is telling you to get out, but part of you is hanging on for the good moments. With the right person, there shouldn't be that ratio of bad to good, and you shouldn't feel so uncertain. If he were right for you, you wouldn't be able to imagine moving without him. I think it's only a matter of time before this has to end, so it's easiest to end it now and look forward to starting over!

[NeverADullMoment]

A lot of people like to appreciate the beauty of other people...it's natural. However when you are in a relationship with someone else you need to control yourself! Geez! It's hurtful and disrespectful to talk about how beautiful other women are and want to dance with them...and then kiss (and probably MUCH more) another woman. Sweetie, I would not be able to deal with this behavior. It would drive me crazy. He doesn't sound completely committed to you. He wants his cake and to eat it too. And feeling trapped is not normal...that's your intuition telling you to leave. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[Ca1amityJayne]

follow your gut instincts...clearly this is not someone you trust and trust is the foundation upon which your relationship will be built..no foundation, no relationship.....