My Clingy Girlfriend (Long)

[todreaminblue]

Thank you all for the responses! Treasa, I believe you misunderstand me. For one, my sarcasm is pretty obvious, and she is intelligent. There isn't a single other time that I can recall her mistaking my sarcasm for sincerity. In addition, we had been dating for only 4 months... We both knew that I was, in a way, asking her what she felt about it without actually asking the question. Since both her mother and her grandmother (two important women in her life) had married very young, I needed to know how she felt. Perhaps that was wrong of me. The issue at hand isn't the promise ring, it's the relationship as a whole and our seemingly inevitable communication failures. It still doesn't answer my questions. Thanks again for the responses!

 

 

hwo do you say lets get married sarcastically? i am not being a smart ass....i just dont see how marriage has anything to do with sarcasm........or should ever.......its a serious proposal......thats what it is meant to be....i would suggest in the future never suggest marriage sarcastic or otherwise unless you mean it.....and i agree with the other posters....the kindest thing for you to do ...is allow her to find someone who loves her for her...flaws and all...and you have that right to have that as well...dont let time go by....finish it ...cut once.....and let her heal from a clean cut..take it easy on the honesty dont go into great detail ...it isnt warranted or needed..make it quick and ...over.....best wishes...deb

[CollegeGuy20]

Todreaminblue, to clarify, I never proposed to her. I believe my exact words were "yeah, maybe we should get engaged or something" with a smile and a slight laugh. To get a view of the context, her mother had just made a joking remark about our over-closeness as a couple. I was in no way proposing to marry her. After her initial reaction, she said "yeah, probably not... but maybe you could get me a promise ring?!" She has even made it clear that she does not want to be married until much later, just formally committed. She has some severe jealousy problems, and she feels that she could be more secure if we were formally committed. As I stated earlier, she is my first girlfriend ever, and I had my first sexual encounter ever with her. I had my first kiss with another girl several years ago. To this day, she has banned me from contacting her in any form. In essence, she feels that unless I'm "tied down" to her, she could lose me. The ironic part is that her wanting to tie me down so soon has inevitably led to pushing me away. Thanks for the responses.

[todreaminblue]

Todreaminblue, to clarify, I never proposed to her. I believe my exact words were "yeah, maybe we should get engaged or something" with a smile and a slight laugh. To get a view of the context, her mother had just made a joking remark about our over-closeness as a couple. I was in no way proposing to marry her. After her initial reaction, she said "yeah, probably not... but maybe you could get me a promise ring?!" She has even made it clear that she does not want to be married until much later, just formally committed. She has some severe jealousy problems, and she feels that she could be more secure if we were formally committed. As I stated earlier, she is my first girlfriend ever, and I had my first sexual encounter ever with her. I had my first kiss with another girl several years ago. To this day, she has banned me from contacting her in any form. In essence, she feels that unless I'm "tied down" to her, she could lose me. The ironic part is that her wanting to tie me down so soon has inevitably led to pushing me away. Thanks for the responses.

 

 

Thanks for clarifying....now i understand......

 

 

some girls bond with sex so that could have been the bond that she felt......in saying that some guys bond with sex too....that's why i believe that marriage should come before the act of making love you ought to know without a doubt that person you are making love to is the one you want to be with.....a lot less heartache

 

i want to say i dont think you are being cruel to want to leave i think you should leave.... i think its the kindest thing for both of you in the long run and i wish you well.....deb

[ITw]

CollegeGuy, sigh, dig deep and figure out if there is another reason why you want to keep yourself in this type of situation. Is it loneliness or a fear that you will not find anyone else? From what you described this relationship seems like it has doom written all over it. There are other girls out there for you and other guys for her. Relationships end, people break up - it's a part of life.

 

Let's examine the facts okay? You're not attracted to her sexually, emotionally, or intellectually, you call her childish and irrational, she's alienating you from your friends, you "dread" sexual encounters wtih her, and you wonder if you're a terrible person for wanting to leave her.

 

Think of your own needs, as well. You're in a better position to make the right choice for yourself than others in bad relationships. You're not married or have the responsiblilities of kids. Do not enter into a serious relationship or marriage if you're having these feelings. Several things could happen. You might end up cheating on her, resenting her, breaking up, or divorcing if married. Save her and yourself from the pain of what you're going through now and what she may go through later. Good luck with your choice.

[Keenly]

Your situation is EXACTLY like my first serious girlfriend.

 

 

What you have to do..... and if you are anything like me, its going to hurt. Its going to hurt you, and its going to hurt her.

 

 

Sit her down. And just flat out say "look, I care about you, but we can't be together anymore.

 

I'm not kidding when I say its going to hurt you. When I saw her face turn from an eager smile to hysterical crying, I hurt in a way I had never hurt before. I always make it a point to do no harm. I always try never to hurt anybody (maybe a little on the internet) but when I saw that I had just DESTROYED a girl that I knew loved me very much, it messed me up inside. But it needed to be done. For me, for her, it needed to be done. Just like right now for you. This needs to be done

 

 

Its impossible to go through life without hurting the people we love, and letting down the people that care most about us. Its a part of growing up. You know what you need to do, and to be honest don't feel bad if you hesitate a few times. But pick a neutral location, neither her place nor yours, and take care of business

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[pteromom]

I do like your POV.

 

But it does seem pretty, ahem, difficult thing to pull off for someone that already has such tremendous difficulty asserting himself. Not to mention he isn't into having sex with her.

 

Yeah, it will be difficult.

 

And not being into her sexually COULD be a symptom of the issues that exist in the relationship. It's hard to be turned on by someone who is clingy and controlling. If she was bringing some passion INTO the relationship vs. clinging onto him desperately wanting love, his feelings may just change.

[Almond_Joy]

I remember being emotionally clingy and overprotective. Had my ex given me any indication that he wanted to still be with me, I would have fixed what he saw as problems just so he would stay with me.

 

This is going to be shattering for her, there's no way to get around that. Don't try to soften the blow with false hope. Make the break clean and definite, no loopholes and no contact afterwards. When I was that insecure I had to be alone, truly alone, to find strength and security of my own.

Edited May 21, 2013 by Almond_Joy