kitty2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Hi, I was hoping for some advice. I've been seeing a guy for 6 weeks. We met online and got on like a house on fire. A few days ago, he says "I don't think I'm ready for a relationship, but I don't want to stop seeing you or lose you from my life. I know in a years time I'll be kicking myself for saying this". I didn't know what to say, we've agreed to see less of each other, we text everyday and we speak on the phone every other day. Do I break ties or do I continue to see him and hope that things will progress into a relationship? I like him a lot and don't want to stop seeing him
CollegeGuy20 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 We males have natural instincts that urge us to be with different people. At the same time, we also eventually want a life partner to be with long-term after we've decided to settle down, and start a family. It's completely natural that your guy wants this. He wants to see the world and be with other people, but he knows that, some day, he will want to be with someone for the rest of his life. He thinks that person is you. What you should do depends on how you feel. If you don't want to wait for this guy to come around (and it might not be a year, or even five years), then forget about it. Have your fun with him while it lasts, but don't try too hard to keep things going. If you feel like this guy could be the love of your life, be that one girl that's always there for him (not sexually, but emotionally). Stand by his side and support him, and eventually he'll see that, all along, what he really needs was right in front of him the whole time. I hope this helps! Good luck.
Author kitty2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Thank you so much for your reply. I think I've fallen for him which is rather annoying as I wish I could read him! I miss him when I've not seen him for a few days. I think about him all the time and it's rather off putting as my job is full on! Another thing, I always ask to see him, but he never asks to see me. This also makes me think it's one sided
pcplod Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I think that what he is telling you is really quite straight-forward and that you shouldn't be having difficulty 'reading' him. As of right now, he is a commitment-phobe. Tomorrow, figuratively-speaking, he could be different. The problem for you is that you are looking for someone who is prepared to commit right now, if not explicitly, then in principle. What is the difference, in substance, between getting married and then separating, or staying in an unofficial relationship and then separating? Is the primary reason for getting married to provide the foundation for creating a family, rather than simply a monogamous pairing? Just a random thought. When a woman says she is "looking for a relationship", what exactly is it she is looking for? Is it obvious and I am just being wilfully ignorant?
Author kitty2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 What do you suggest I do? Men are difficult! Lol. When I'm looking for a relationship, I'm looking for someone to talk to, share time with, have a giggle and be intimate. All women are different
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 men are easy. has it crossed your mind hes doing to you what all women do to men... woman: after 1 or 2 nights sleeping they say: "wow, your so nice, i'm just not ready for a commitment now and i dont want to sleep with you, lets review it in a year" result: she didn’t like you in bed / she used you for sex / she wants to use you for something else like money for drives to work. how is this different the other way around, he did the same thing, not hard to read at all, welcome to the male version of what women do.
Treasa Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Get more involved in your hobbies and start dating other men. Make sure he knows, as it would otherwise be disrespectful. Neither of you are in a committed relationship with each other. If you're sleeping with him and don't want to unless you're in a committed relationship, stop.
clia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 He's been up front with you that he does not want a relationship with you. Think about what this means. He wants all of the advantages of a relationship (to see you, sleep with you (?), etc.) but without the commitment. He wants to keep his options open. Do not ignore that. He isn't going to change his mind. Waiting around and hoping things progress into more will only be a gigantic waste of your time. I understand that you like him, but please make sure your eyes are open.
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