creighton0123 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Met a guy who was interested in going out on a date... We exchanged numbers and had planned to meet last Thursday night. He politely cancelled and immediately rescheduled to today (Sunday) afternoon. I texted him to confirm the time about two hours before the date and he said that he had forgotten and was unavailable, but would call this evening. He texted this evening (didn't call). After a few texts, which I despise, he said he would call in "a few". Four hours later, I texted him and he claimed he mistakenly fell asleep on his couch. We made plans for this Wednesday evening. Now... am I being overly generous? Two missed dates and a missed phone call? Would you guys give him the benefit of the doubt or move on?
ChessPieceFace Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 If he has qualities you're interested in, I don't see why this has to be a deal-breaker already. Give the benefit of the doubt but you now do have to keep an eye on him, to see if he's a player / flaky / insensitive etc.
kassy Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Well since it is arranged why not go. If he cancels or whatever then move on. It doesn't sound promising though. 1
Author creighton0123 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Well since it is arranged why not go. If he cancels or whatever then move on. It doesn't sound promising though. My thoughts. He is a sci-fi geek like me - an endearing quality if there ever was one. He's also a bit older and more stable. Despite an 8 year age difference (not all that bad), I was really looking forward to the first date. Either way, I'll give him one more shot, but recognize that if he flakes out once more, there are other options for me. Who needs to be with someone who doesn't respect the time of others anyhow?
sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Either way, I'll give him one more shot, but recognize that if he flakes out once more, there are other options for me. Who needs to be with someone who doesn't respect the time of others anyhow? Since you've got to where you are now (ie you have a plan to meet) then I'd say go through with it... but I'd consider him to be on his last chance. Sounds like that's what you're going to do. Totally agree with your last point. Good luck with your date! 1
nerd Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Punctuality and respect for time are hugely important to me, perhaps unreasonably so. Cancellation and reschedule are fine, but planning to call but falling asleep before doing so would have turned me off in the biggest way. 2
Treasa Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Met a guy who was interested in going out on a date... We exchanged numbers and had planned to meet last Thursday night. He politely cancelled and immediately rescheduled to today (Sunday) afternoon. I texted him to confirm the time about two hours before the date and he said that he had forgotten and was unavailable, but would call this evening. He texted this evening (didn't call). After a few texts, which I despise, he said he would call in "a few". Four hours later, I texted him and he claimed he mistakenly fell asleep on his couch. We made plans for this Wednesday evening. Now... am I being overly generous? Two missed dates and a missed phone call? Would you guys give him the benefit of the doubt or move on? Canceled on you twice and then fell asleep on the couch. NEXT. 3
Treasa Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 My thoughts. He is a sci-fi geek like me - an endearing quality if there ever was one. He's also a bit older and more stable. Despite an 8 year age difference (not all that bad), I was really looking forward to the first date. Either way, I'll give him one more shot, but recognize that if he flakes out once more, there are other options for me. Who needs to be with someone who doesn't respect the time of others anyhow? Yeah, because it's hard to find male geeks. God, some days it seems like that's all I'm surrounded by. If he's older, he should know better and be more considerate. Please don't teach him that this is appropriate behavior. "Well, you flaked out on me twice, and then didn't keep your word about calling me, but I'm going to give you ONE MORE CHANCE." I would have told him to lose my number after the first flake unless he apologized rather impressively. 1
LittleTiger Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Now... am I being overly generous? Two missed dates and a missed phone call? Would you guys give him the benefit of the doubt or move on? I think you're being overly generous, especially if you're looking for a serious long term relationship. I would have called it quits when he 'forgot' your Sunday afternoon date. Anyone who could 'forget' they had a date with me, doesn't deserve a date with me! However, since you've arranged the date you might as well go - assuming he doesn't 'forget' again - which I suspect he will. 2
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 ive never met a woman to ever keep any date and i never get a call back, so i am starting to think this is fiction, however should it be real. hes not bothered.
Kamille Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I've had a similar experience recently and came to the conclusion the guy I wanted to be seeing was actually not in the same headspace as I am about dating. See, I'm ready to let someone into my life. My guy clearly wasn't. It sounds like you might be setting yourself up for the same scenario. If you make it to the date, but very cautious with your heart. It's also been my experience that people who aren't available are also the first to be overly romantic on the date... Only to disappear quickly afterwards. 1
pcplod Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Met a guy who was interested in going out on a date... We exchanged numbers and had planned to meet last Thursday night. He politely cancelled and immediately rescheduled to today (Sunday) afternoon. I texted him to confirm the time about two hours before the date and he said that he had forgotten and was unavailable, but would call this evening. He texted this evening (didn't call). After a few texts, which I despise, he said he would call in "a few". Four hours later, I texted him and he claimed he mistakenly fell asleep on his couch. We made plans for this Wednesday evening. Now... am I being overly generous? Two missed dates and a missed phone call? Would you guys give him the benefit of the doubt or move on? Quite simply, "No". You have already been unwarrantably generous. Here before you is a completely unreliable and uncommitted dip$h1t. You can take that as a life-time guarantee, just about covering anything and everything, if you are mad enough to pursue it any further. 2
carhill Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Now... am I being overly generous? Two missed dates and a missed phone call? I'd say you're on the fence. However, if you're still in healing mode, no big rush. Go with the flow. Would you guys give him the benefit of the doubt or move on? I'd entertain other options and respond as I felt at the time of contact. Would you say this is 'normal' behavior in the gay community or is he an anomaly/outlier?
Cindira Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Move on. Nobody who's interested in a girl "falls asleep" when he could be spending time with her. That's just guy-lingo for "not into it enough". You don't have anything invested in this guy, so it shouldn't be too bad. 1
clia Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I also would move on. He doesn't seem into you, but you have prolonged things by contacting him when it seems like he would have poofed by now on his own. Met a guy who was interested in going out on a date... We exchanged numbers and had planned to meet last Thursday night. He politely cancelled and immediately rescheduled to today (Sunday) afternoon. I texted him to confirm the time about two hours before the date and he said that he had forgotten and was unavailable, but would call this evening. He cancelled, rescheduled, and didn't bother to write it down? He forgot about it three days later? That isn't the sign of a guy who is dying to go out with you. But to my point...if you hadn't texted him to confirm, what do you think would have happened? My guess is you would have never heard from him again. He texted this evening (didn't call). Bam...he said he would call, but he didn't. After a few texts, which I despise, he said he would call in "a few". Four hours later, I texted him and he claimed he mistakenly fell asleep on his couch. Again, you texted him. He hasn't done one thing to expend any effort on you, and hasn't followed through with anything he has said he would do. All he had to do was dial your number. Instead, he fell asleep. You would not have a date with him for Wednesday if you had not reached out to him. We made plans for this Wednesday evening. Do you have a time and place picked out? If so, just go there. (Although I wouldn't get your hopes up that he will show up.) If you don't have the plans solidified, do not contact him again. My guess is you will never hear from him again anyway. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 My thoughts. He is a sci-fi geek like me - an endearing quality if there ever was one. He's also a bit older and more stable. Despite an 8 year age difference (not all that bad), I was really looking forward to the first date. Either way, I'll give him one more shot, but recognize that if he flakes out once more, there are other options for me. Who needs to be with someone who doesn't respect the time of others anyhow? Ugh Creighton, honestly, I'd flake on him. Can you imagine the lack of consideration AND the trainwreck relationship this could kick-off and clearly he isn't as excited and forward-looking to meet you as you have been to meet him. Just envision you accomplishing something awesome OR having a group volunteering thing that he's invited to. The day of your accolade or event, he "forgot," "needed to water his plants," "fell asleep." etc. etc etc. And three in a row..... yeah. He hit his three-strike threshold without even meeting you yet! I am going against the grain and saying waste no more time. 1
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