Feeling guilty for daughter in daycare all day

[supermom]

I'm starting to feel a bit guilty about my daughter having to be in daycare every day. She's gone from 7:45am to 5pm every weekday since she was 3 mos old. She'll be 2 in Oct.

 

I feel like I don't see her enough and my only day off is Sunday, I wish I had more time with her.

 

Either I quit my job ( which I kinda like ) and be a full time mom or just suck it up. We can't afford for me to quit until next year when our cars are paid off.

 

Do any of you deal with this? I'd almost be poor (well poorer) to make sure my daughter is raised by me if it meant it would really bother her later in life. Or am I being paranoid?

 

Please advise me thanks

[quankanne]

I feel for ya, supermom -- my girlfriends went through the same guilt when they had to make that decision with their babies.

 

I know it's not the same as having you at home, but is the daycare you've got your child in good about educating her? Do the caretakers treat her like she's their own? Does she feel secure with them?

 

if so, then rest easy ... well, a little easier, because in their own way, they're helping you to raise your child the way you want her raised. And now that she's a little older, the opportunity to socialize with other rugrats will be priceless.

 

My niece is a stay-at-home mom, and I've seen how much that weighs on her at times, because she's the kids' full-time caretaker, Daddy is a reservist on top of working full-time and, he just doesn't "get" kids, so he's unnecessarily strict with them. The other hard part for her was trying to get her son to interact with others as easily as his big sister did. For a while, it was a battle to keep him calm whenever she'd leave him with a sitter or for a play date.

 

I can see it going both ways, though I can't imagine how hard it is to leave them because you've got to be at work so much ...

 

hang in there, mom, the guilt will abate.

[supermom]

thank you

 

I do like her daycare, they teach her alot and she sings songs at home and does their dances....it's like school.

 

I just MISS HER SO MUCH she's my lil girlfriend!

[jade_nc]

hi - i just started on the board today, so i hope you don't mind input from a newbie.

 

i have 3 children....9,6 and 2. i recently left my career to stay home. what a change! my 2 yr old wants all my attn all the time, and now won't even go to the nursery at church without screaming his head off. i'm actually thinking of going back to work just so i can get a break from him now and then!!

 

my 9 and 6 yr old want me to go back to work because they loved coming to visit me there....and they miss the play time after school with their friends.

 

my point - there are positives and negatives to both options. if/when you can afford it - i say go for it! but if you can't, and she's in a good school, isn't getting sick all the time or acting out when she's at home - let it be, she's going to know how much you love her, regardless....because you're a good mom.

 

as far as missing her - is she close enough to have lunch with once a week? i used to try to do that with mine, or at least on special occasions.

[fredrolin]

I am a 41 year old married man and we have an 8 year old daughter. She was been in daycare all her life and I too went through those guilty feelings of not spending more time with her. I also went through a phase where I hated watching her get older and wishing she could be little forever.

 

But today my daughter can't get enough of school and daycare. Being that she is sort of an only child (she has an adult half brother) this is really the only time she can be with other kids.

 

I also don't feel bad about her growing up, she is becoming more self sufficient and I am getting more of my freedom back!!

 

No matter what her age she will always be my daughter. When she is an adult and has her own life I will probably miss the days when she was a kid...but I can stop her from growing up!!

[LittleMiss]

My son is going to be two in November and he has been in day care for about a year now. I work M-F from 8 am to 4 pm then on Tuesdays, Wed., and Thurs. I have college classes from 6-8:45 p.m. I feel that I don't get to spend enough time with my son too. I hate it, but I think that it's worth the pay off. I mean if I didn't work we would be broke. I'm a single mom and I also kinda support my mom and sister. I'm still trying to graduate from college. I'm young, 22, so I know I have plenty of time. Hopefully, when I graduate and get a job I really like things will be able to change where I could work out a schedule to spend more time with my son. I'm working hard to make him a better life. That's what I have to keep telling myself so I won't feel so guilty.

 

I shouldn't feel that bad considering I was watching Wife Swap on ABC last night and one of the couples never spent any time with their kids. The max was 1 hour a day. The father worked, but the mother didn't. She would spend 4 hours shopping, 1 hour at the gym, and then go get her hair done everyday! She had hired help to raise her kids, and she actually was surprised that her daughter would wake up calling out for her nanny.

 

Some people!

[Haunani]

for both my boys they were in day care the whole day. There are just some parents that CAN stay home (stress-wise, money-wise) and be fine, then some of us that have to work., it's not a matter of *wanting to*, it's part of life.

 

I did however, take my lunchtime and go visit on some days, and found that they were being less and less dependant on me on those visits, and I was pretty much *interferring* with their play-time., so I stopped, they weren't clingy anymore, they had *other things to do, places to go, people to see*.......I was just *mom*.

 

Then with my daughter - I chose to cut back in all the places I could so that I could and stay home with her for more than the 6 weeks at least, I managed 9 months. I also took in part time work at home (at nights), working on the computer doing data input, that helped supplement the income, I also started shopping at the Open market and cutting coupons whenever I could. It always seemed we had something to do, not always costing money - the beach, the library, pool, walks, mall, whatever. And the day would speed by. Then I went back to work part time (they called me, I was completely happy), and it became full time when she was 4 and entered preschool. But by then she was also growing, she was learning how to get along with other kids, how to share, going on field trips, it was an new experience and she loved school.

 

But now at 6, she sees some of the moms work in the classroom to volunteer, she keeps saying *Mom, I hope you get fired from your job*........Well.......we'll see. There are good and bad, you just have to figure out which one is best for you.

[shortbus74]

Supermom..... dont feel bad....

My mom is a child care provider..I have heard horror stories about parents and you are not one of them!!

 

You care!!

Daycare can be a good social experience for a child in the right setting.... if you feel apprehensive...feel free to go to the day care on your lunch hour... (time permitting)....the daycare should have no problem with you visiting when you can..

 

g_tab... I watched wifeswap... the one woman was so anal!!!!!

 

 

 

I do not have kids.... (hopefully soon I will hear the pitter patter of little feet)

but it is the little things that kids remember.......

[sassyone]

I'm a daycare provider and i have been for almost 5 years now. Daycare has its advantages and disadvantages. We like to make our nursery surroundings look more homely and comfortable for the children when they start here. Children learn to socialise with others their own age and older, the learn manners, they learn to share let alone interlectual and imaginative skills. Most children i look after enjoy coming and enjoy going home at the end of the day to tell their parents what they did and show them things they have done, but for some children its not as enjoyable. We have young babies that started off here when they were only 3 mths old and have been in daycare from when it opens at 7.30am until it shuts at 6.30 pm..now to me thats an awful long time for a young child let alone a toddler to be left without their parents. Its acceptable that parents have a job to earn the money but it really annoys me when the parents will have a 2 day break off work and yet their child is still dropped off at daycare the same length of time so mom can go get her nails and hair done and go for a drink and go shopping. I have seen some children grow up to the age of 2 and call me "mommy" which is very upsetting and disturbing at times, and even to the stage where they really dont want to go home at the end of the day when their parents come to pick them up. This doesnt happen to most of the children..i guess it depends on just how much attention they get when they are actually at home. I had my first child last year in may and i had a son this april just gone. I decided to stay at home with them and bring them up until they go to school because i feel that the younger years are too important...u can never get those magic moments back and they pass by so quickly. The amount of times we have had parents moan because their child took their first step..or said their first word for the first time at nursery and not infront of them at home is unreal. But at the end of the day if children werent placed in daycares then i would be out of a job, even though we have one of the most overworked and underpaid jobs in the country....i do it for the kids..because knowing i've set them on the right tracks for school is the best feeling in the world.. i love them like my own!

[moimeme]

but it is the little things that kids remember.......

 

That's the thing. How far back do you remember? I remember a couple of things from when I was about four or five and a few more when I was six, but not much more. The two and three-year-olds are not going to have memories of much when they're grown up.

[supermom]

Most children i look after enjoy coming and enjoy going home at the end of the day to tell their parents what they did and show them things they have done,

 

thats how she acts. she likes being there i know i just wish she could be with me all day

[quankanne]

she likes being there i know i just wish she could be with me all day

 

I'm glad to hear you've got her in such a good environment, I think that makes child-rearing a lot easier, in some ways.

 

I know you miss her, but remember this: she is secure in her relationship with you, and THAT'S what counts most, because she will carry that feeling with her the rest of her life ...

[supermom]

Thank you for that

 

I work M-F 8-5 and Sat 10-2 so I only get 1/2 of Sat and all day Sun with her. I really miss her during the week.

 

I used to visit her on my lunch hour when she was a baby but I can't now because she'll want to leave with me and it would confuse her.

 

Oh Well maybe in a few years I can stay at home.

[jade_nc]

she may still be a bit too young for this, but try having her push you out the door.

 

when i would drop my children off we had a routine.

 

"It's time for mommy to go to work, I need a hug, a kiss and a push." If my children were ready for me to leave, they would oblige and literally push me out the door - if they had something they wanted me to see, they would tell me to wait a minute. It was a fun game for them, and eventually they starting seeing how far they could push me!

 

If you start a "leaving" routine with her in the mornings, then she should be able to en-act that routine at lunch time as well. You can also make sure that she knows when you leave in the morning that you will be there for lunch. That way, you'll get to see her - and she won't be confused.

[AyyZ]

I used to feel the same way that you do. However, my son has sooo much fun in daycare that I would never dream of pulling him. You have to remember that being with all those kids all day is good for your child. It helps for their developmental skills. You said that your child sings these songs at home and that kind of thing. You have to also remember that your child would be bored if she was with you day in and day out (sorry). She loves daycare or you would be able to tell if she didn' t want to be there. Don't fret mom, this is a good thing

[Ziggi]

There's a big website that discusses the negative aspects of daycare.

Its URL is:

http://www.daycaresdontcare.org

 

Does anyone know of a website with a more positive point-of-view about day care?

 

Thanks, Ziggi

[izzybelle]

it feels like ages ago since my kids were in daycare, they're now 11 & 13. i, too, missed them like crazy, felt like an awful mom, and went through many of the emotions you're going through. of course my ex in-laws who believe that a mom shouldn't work didn't help things!

 

in retrospect, for as much emotional pain as it caused me, it was the best thing i could have done for my kids. they are both independent. they both have a tendency to be a bit "shy" when they first meet people, but that they come by naturally since my ex is much the same way. but they've got tons of friends and it's been nice to watch them come out of their shells over the past few years. because kids came and went frequently at the day care, they began to learn how to talk and play with kids that they didn't know.

 

a few more practical benefits that my sister-in-law, who used to teach kindergarten shared with me. many (not all) of the kids who were in daycare before K were more socially used to a being in a classroom situation. they were more comfortable with the "teacher" role and more likely to feel comfortable asking for help from an adult other than their parent. most, but not all, had some of the educations basics, down better. not that stay-at-home moms don't "teach" their kids too (so please don't think i'm saying that) but they were used to learning and understanding and participating in an educational environment and knew the songs and little games learned to teach some of the basics.

also, they tended to get sick less than the kids who had been home most of the time. they'd been exposed to more, were done with things like chicken pox, etc. before they entered K. my sister-in-law said that the kids who had been in day care tended to miss less school than those who didn't.

 

day care's not right for everyone and i remember so well sitting at my desk at work crying wondering if i was doing the right thing. but i couldn't have afforded to stay home so i stuck it out and now years later, i have no regrets!!!!