TaraMaiden Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 If it made you feel better, fine. Personally.... well, you know what I would have said. But if she responds - then leave it. And no - definitely, absolutely no birthday wishes....
HuffmanMontana Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Why should I want to do that? I mean, if she's pissed, so be it. I have nothing to be ashamed of. She's not going to be pissed at all. You just showed her that she was 100% correct for her initial decision in leaving you. You sent her this final farewell letter (although you desperately want her back) then you're planning to send her bday wishes. We've been telling you man, NC. Nobody said it would be easy but for the love of God just drop off her radar for at least a month and see how you feel. Right now, you're not giving yourself any tijme to look at the situation objectively.
Author McGriff Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 She's not going to be pissed at all. You just showed her that she was 100% correct for her initial decision in leaving you. You sent her this final farewell letter (although you desperately want her back) then you're planning to send her bday wishes. We've been telling you man, NC. Nobody said it would be easy but for the love of God just drop off her radar for at least a month and see how you feel. Right now, you're not giving yourself any tijme to look at the situation objectively. Huffman, I'm convinced I'll never do the right thing in my situation according to you! Haha. I was put squarely in the friend zone, and I did what I felt I needed to do to get out. I won't send her anything, because then I'd look like a fool wouldn't I? I meant everything I said, and yes, I still love her (obviously), but this thing is likely completely over. So I am in NC, and I may never hear from her again. I feel as good as I can feel, considering the situation.
destroyed4sho Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 ahh...mcgriff...you may not feel it now but you will feel bad sending it as soon as the harsh reality hits you that she is never coming back....idk..may this is what you need. Its a nice email though. :-) Ok bro. Time to get real. Block her 100 percent. No birthday text NOTHING. Dont EVER respond to her either. Consider her dead. Time to heal. No more games. Your just stringing yourself along and wont get indifferent with contact now. Also you wont be able to enter a new RS untill you get over her. Let this be you last contact. It is for the best. Rock on! Cav
HuffmanMontana Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Huffman, I'm convinced I'll never do the right thing in my situation according to you! Haha. I was put squarely in the friend zone, and I did what I felt I needed to do to get out. I won't send her anything, because then I'd look like a fool wouldn't I? I meant everything I said, and yes, I still love her (obviously), but this thing is likely completely over. So I am in NC, and I may never hear from her again. I feel as good as I can feel, considering the situation. Well... unless I missed something a couple days ago you were talking about how she's chasing you and now you're freaking out about being friend zoned. It's not painting a picture of emotional stability.
IS IT Better late Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 McGriff, It's a nice email with a lot of emotion and if girls were logical and this world made sense this would help your case to get her back, but their not. And I too have thoughts about writing something similar to this b/c I have these conversations in my head all the time. But here's why I don't. You've just puked up all your feelings for her and now she knows she has you by the balls if she didn't know that already. So she can go and do what she wants and still have you back at any moment. She has no fear of losing you and there's no challenge. If this email has truley made you feel better and you a really ready to let her go then good for you! But it still sounds like you haven't given up hope. I'm a fool like you, I've been unable to lose hope that my girl will wake up and realize she's made a mistake. So make this email your last stand and really try to move on. I think I might send something similar one day when I'm past the hope.
Author McGriff Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Well... unless I missed something a couple days ago you were talking about how she's chasing you and now you're freaking out about being friend zoned. It's not painting a picture of emotional stability. Actually, on Friday when she came over, I posted that it would answer alot of questions for me. And it did. I thought about it all day Saturday and Sunday, and came to the conclusion that I was indeed being strung along, and allowing her to do so. She WAS the one contacting me and inviting me to do things (at my expense of course), but I was getting nowhere. So I thought that I needed to be selfish. Get my feelings out there one last time, and squashing any ideas of platonic friendship. And that's what I did. It was very hard for me to push the button, but as soon as I did, I felt relief. Could I have been more patient, continue to do what we were doing while sacrificing my own happiness for hers? Sure. I could have. But as I said in the letter---I tried. I tried her way, and it sucked. So now I'm doing it my way, and it's gonna suck too, but at least I won't be a slave to her wishes, and be there to get crushed when she moved on. So emotional instability? No. This was a long thought out process that had been building for weeks.
HuffmanMontana Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Actually, on Friday when she came over, I posted that it would answer alot of questions for me. And it did. I thought about it all day Saturday and Sunday, and came to the conclusion that I was indeed being strung along, and allowing her to do so. She WAS the one contacting me and inviting me to do things (at my expense of course), but I was getting nowhere. So I thought that I needed to be selfish. Get my feelings out there one last time, and squashing any ideas of platonic friendship. And that's what I did. It was very hard for me to push the button, but as soon as I did, I felt relief. Could I have been more patient, continue to do what we were doing while sacrificing my own happiness for hers? Sure. I could have. But as I said in the letter---I tried. I tried her way, and it sucked. So now I'm doing it my way, and it's gonna suck too, but at least I won't be a slave to her wishes, and be there to get crushed when she moved on. So emotional instability? No. This was a long thought out process that had been building for weeks. Now go find the new girl who likes you! 1
crederer Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 My ex sent me a text on friday saying basically she misses me and would hope that one day we can hang out (this is the second time she's texted me saying this). The first time, when I was sober, I said 'hey. You broke up with me, I know it wasn't a bad break up but I can't just be your hang out buddy". She said "I understand" Then on Friday, when I was drunk, I responded with "hey, yeah, I'd love to hang out some time soon". Then when I sobered up I felt like an idiot and shot her a text saying "jesus christ....drunk texting". And she said "yeah...I figured". 1
na49 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Very sweet email. You're clear with what you want, albeit you sound like you're asking for her to feel sorry for you with the "I know you're probably laughing at me right now.." The ball is in her court. Let it stay there. No contacting her a week from now to see if she got your email or just to confirm that you do love her. You keep doing you. You were doing fine until she came knocking after her relationship failed and you thought it was something that it wasn't. Let this squash the hope, and push you in the right direction. You were already headed there which is probably why you aren't "crushed" right now.
Author McGriff Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) McGriff, It's a nice email with a lot of emotion and if girls were logical and this world made sense this would help your case to get her back, but their not. And I too have thoughts about writing something similar to this b/c I have these conversations in my head all the time. But here's why I don't. You've just puked up all your feelings for her and now she knows she has you by the balls if she didn't know that already. So she can go and do what she wants and still have you back at any moment. She has no fear of losing you and there's no challenge. If this email has truley made you feel better and you a really ready to let her go then good for you! But it still sounds like you haven't given up hope. I'm a fool like you, I've been unable to lose hope that my girl will wake up and realize she's made a mistake. So make this email your last stand and really try to move on. I think I might send something similar one day when I'm past the hope. IIBL, Nobody on this site probably has a closer situation to mine than you. We are truly two peas in a pod! I've been dealing with this now for a month. Her calling me, texting me, coming over, teasing, flirting----everything BUT what I want. And I got fed up. I know these things take patience, but I really feel like she was intentionally or unintentionally (I guess I'll never know) playing a game with me. As I said, I tried to go along with it, but it gets old and somewhat patronizing. So I played the last card I had. I had to end the friendship, but I wanted to be sure that she knew my feelings. So, I'll live with the results from this point. I don't know if this is all over, but at least she knows where I stand on everything. That's all I can ask for. I hope your situation works out for you. Edited May 20, 2013 by McGriff 1
IS IT Better late Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 McGriff, Yes this is true, our situations are very similar and I've been through the ringer of emotions. I have not seen her in person since the BU, but we've spoke on the phone briefly and there's been a fair amount of texting. She's been very good at keeping me on the hook too. I miss her like I've never missed anybody before so its sooo hard to ignore her. But I think she broke the the camels back with her last move. We had a date setup and she cancelled on me last week. So unless she makes a really direct move to make another date with me I'm done. She's strung me along long enough. Today is 7 days NC and I have no intention of breaking it. I wish I had good advice for you, but it just sucks! We want them they but don't want us, but they also don't dislike us. Until some other dude sweeps them off their feet they are happy to have us around to make them feel wanted and needed.
Author McGriff Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Very sweet email. You're clear with what you want, albeit you sound like you're asking for her to feel sorry for you with the "I know you're probably laughing at me right now.." The ball is in her court. Let it stay there. No contacting her a week from now to see if she got your email or just to confirm that you do love her. You keep doing you. You were doing fine until she came knocking after her relationship failed and you thought it was something that it wasn't. Let this squash the hope, and push you in the right direction. You were already headed there which is probably why you aren't "crushed" right now. Na49, Actually I wasn't looking for sympathy, I just know her and I know how she would react to reading it...she's very guarded with her feelings, and when she is pushed emotionally she tends to laugh it off or roll her eyes. So that's what that was about. As for the ball being in her court and me moving on---that's exactly how I want it...like you said I was almost a month strict NC before she started all this, and I was doing as well as could be expected. So I'm in pseudo Day 1 NC 1
Simon Phoenix Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Not what i would have done, I would have just faded back, but if it helps you move on, then good. I'm just concerned that in a week or two you'll either a) want to "clarify" something in an attempt to see if your email had any effect or b) hear from her and automatically cave. But yeah, she was friend-zoning the crap out of you. Glad you finally figured this out. 1
Author McGriff Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Not what i would have done, I would have just faded back, but if it helps you move on, then good. I'm just concerned that in a week or two you'll either a) want to "clarify" something in an attempt to see if your email had any effect or b) hear from her and automatically cave. But yeah, she was friend-zoning the crap out of you. Glad you finally figured this out. Simon, Yeah, fading away just isn't in my nature. I tend to always go out with a bang. That's my problem ...I would say b is much more likely, as I absolutely will not contact her. If she contacts me (which for some reason I feel she won't, at least for many months, if ever), I have always had problems ignoring her, so that will be a challenge, but I'm up to it at this point. I don't know how I'm gonna get that gun, I'm hoping she'll just drop it off on the doorstep. Didnt think that part through enough.
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