Cami_paige Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Hi all, i know you probably think im a troll and joking but not true. I didn't have anyone else for support so i thought i'd try my luck and google something for some advice and support. So i'll start out saying i knew this man for 2 and half years of friendship hes 38 and i'm 24 and he was unhappy in a relationship and so was i. We didn't do anything until we both ended our relationships and got together after a few months of dates. So as time went passed we decided to move in together and then decided why not move to a different country. This is where i put my foot down, I have already moved places/countries with a guy before so i didn't need to get screwed over again. I said i needed to have a commitment before any movement. He was keen. Fast forward we got hitched, only 3rd day in he acts differently after our 'first married fight' and i felt things weren't the same. So i kept pushing to find out what was wrong, then he says how he needs to do this trip on his own and he's not ready to give all he can in a relationship. Thats was it, my worst nightmare was coming true. I had finally found someone that i knew i wanted to be with and live together with and it was all crumbling down in my face. So the next day i went to pick up my stuff. then we ened up talking, he swore on his daughters life that we would stay in touch and keep trying to make this work since we both decided we did this too fast, and we needed to work on ourselves (which i agree with) We stayed in touch until he left which was last Wednesday. But unfortunately no ones heard from him. I thought it was just me, then i thought why would he call me the first day and texted me when he landed. I guess it was me trying to be positive. I really wish we could get back together because nothing really caused us to break up in the first place. (Which we both agreed on) I guess it's not happening. Now i'm depressed i need to get a hold of him to do this divorce even though he said he didn't want too before he left. Now i don't know what to do. I'm left with no husband, alone and feeling like im going crazy. I'm sorry for my long story i didn't know who else to talk too.
Rita86 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 First of all I'm sorry this happened to you (((((hugs)))) The good news is you have no children with this man and you are still incredible young and you have long life ahead of you and all the time in the world to meet someone worthy of you. But I see that you would rather make this work, i can't force you to do otherwise if you've already decided. But please don't put your life on hold for someone who was capable of doing of that to you. It's time to put yourself first. 1
robfos Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Sounds like you guys rushed into this and he realized he wasn't ready pretty fast. It sucks that he just left you like that. Sounds like he is a coward and you're probably better off without him. I would contact a lawyer or local court to find out what to do about getting a divorce or maybe even an annulment. 3
Author Cami_paige Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Thank you for the hugs Was it rushed, probably. But just kinda sucks i don't even get a chance to sort things out. I think the thing that holds me back is the fact that nothing really happened between us to cause this. But i have contacted a lawyer, it feels as though i have failed in this and i know its not my fault nor his. Its just hard when i'm still very much in love with someone that did nothing wrong apart from tell me the truth. I cant be mad at that and it sucks. There are times when i do get mad and want to flip out over it but then i still want this to work out. Its very confusing. I dont even know.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 But i have contacted a lawyer, it feels as though i have failed in this and i know its not my fault nor his. Can you get an annulment? Sounds like he just chickened out and, in a very chickensh*t manner, decided it was easier to run than face the consequences. If it makes you feel any better, I wish I'd found out that early in my marriage how undependable my ex-wife was ... Mr. Lucky 2
Author Cami_paige Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Can you get an annulment? Sounds like he just chickened out and, in a very chickensh*t manner, decided it was easier to run than face the consequences. If it makes you feel any better, I wish I'd found out that early in my marriage how undependable my ex-wife was ... Mr. Lucky most likely i can, its hard though when i still have hope. I didn't want to give up and i don't. Not after ive tried anything, but im just depressed and the only person i want is him too bad it doesnt go either way.
robfos Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 but im just depressed and the only person i want is him too bad it doesnt go either way. I know how you feel : ( 1
aMguilts Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 most likely i can, its hard though when i still have hope. I didn't want to give up and i don't. Not after ive tried anything, but im just depressed and the only person i want is him too bad it doesnt go either way. sorry for what you are going through and i feel your pain from what you have written the only thing i can suggest right now is to find yourself as low as you may feel now there is an `up` aM
Simpleoldschool Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 At this point you need to do what you feel like you want to. i beilieve this is the only way for someone to respect you. First i am very sorry, mam, for your distress. you trusted someone, a friend and even decided to get married. first of all let me say i am proud as someone you dont know. that is unbiased and not based on anything. you did a great job. he simply sounds like someone although who is a great friend - in the ways you cannot see him is not the person who will love you- the man YOU WILL FIND. he sounds like hes selfish. he sounds like hes dragging you through all the things he cant figure out in his life. honestly anyone deserves better. Chin up, face forward. Do what you beilieve in. what will allows your heart to take roots in. If you love this person it might be time to find another. Love is no more beautifull a 2nd or third time around but its much better to fall in love with someone who loves you. just my thoughts. i wish you the very best and no matter what understand this. it will be ok and if you get divorced now and see some changes maybe marriage can mean something for you too but since you seem nice i would suggest this. tell him either he will be commitited to the choice and the women he married or someone else will. if he says whatever you know what you need to do to find the man who will work past three days of marriage. Mam you cant force anyone but i learned really you shouldnt have to. If you rushed its ok. just remember everything will be fine and so will you.
PoopHappens Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 At this point, I'd say you got lucky in many regards. What I see is an arm chair thrill seeker who isn't getting a buzz anymore and has decided to try something else. Honestly, if somebody has to "go off" to get their s**t together at 38 without involving their spouse should keep right on going. 1
InquiringMind Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 My brother got married and regretted it just as quick. Days later he was trying to justify getting the marriage annulled. He married her out of convenience I believe because he wasn't in love with her even though they had been on and off dating for 5 years or more I believe. It's odd how people behave once they get married. He was trying to go back to his ex (the one he still loves) but she wasn't having him back until he got divorce so he went back home to his wife.
soccerrprp Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I am so sorry that this has happened. You should not get back with him...really, he does not sound like a dependable, emotionally stable person. Everything about what he did sounds like a impetuous, selfish individual. Divorce in absentia is possible. Ask your lawyer. If the party being served does not respond after a certain period of time or is not able to be contacted after a certain period of time, a divorce in absentia can be given. Different state to state or country to country, so ask lawyer. Again, sorry and this sucks! Thinking of you...
Author Cami_paige Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Thank you all for your input and support. I don't doubt that he loved or loves me till this day only by actions that he has shown up until the day he left. I tried to believe the good in sorting things out but now it just makes me mad and angry that i want to write him something to take out my frustration. Before i really did believe in working things out but the longer i wait to hear from him and the deeper this depression grows it's making me resent him more than anything. I just hope one day he'll realize what he lost and im sure all his friends will remind him. I also hope he feels the hurt that i've gone through and knows why he's going through it. I tried to be understanding because i understood that we both have pasts and we both have things we need to resolve i just didn't expect to be ditched. He also knows he can't find something like he did with me, i know it may sound arrogant but we did have an unbelievable connection that no one understood. Many said i was too good for him and i guess they were right. Even he knows that too.
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