somedude81 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 But it seems the only men who want to be serious with me, are the ones I am not that interested in. Gee, I wonder why that is? So the guys you really want, only want sex. And the guys who do want to be serious, you aren't that into. That must be so difficult. 1
RedRobin Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 It's not a fact, but nice try. There is a very high statistical probability that it is true, borne out by experiences of women the world over and by men's own statements here... which for all intents and purposes... makes it a 'fact'. 1
Dusk1983 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 There is a very high statistical probability that it is true, borne out by experiences of women the world over and by men's own statements here... which for all intents and purposes... Some men use women, because women letthem. By 'some', I mean 'hot', at least in one sense or another. Women reward douchebags. Result? More douchebags. 1
Revolver Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 But in general, there's tons of single men who want actual relationships. I'd even say there's significantly more single men under 30 then single women under 30. The problem is women dont want the majority of those guys. They want the guys who everyone wants or the guys who are already in relationships. 1
Babolat Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 From a divorced mid 40s mans point of view.... Sex is very importnat, yes. However compatability, similar values and morals, like interests, intelligence and overall being able to laugh together is far more important. I do not date to have sex; I date to look for my partner, someone I can share my life with, someone I can laugh with, somone I can grow with and learn things with and from. I will flip the coin and state quite a few of the woman I have met have wanted to have sex much sooner than I did and were assertive physically earlier than me. I am more attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, has a career (salary, money not important, financial stability and responsibility are). And yes, I have to be physically attracted to her. She does not have to be HOT to everyone, just hot to me. 2
RedRobin Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Some men use women, because women letthem. By 'some', I mean 'hot', at least in one sense or another. Women reward douchebags. Result? More douchebags. The world is full of people who have character and don't need someone following them around all of the time making them so. Having character and a set of values is the hard path... and has nothing to do with the people around you. You either have it or you don't. Only lazy men blame women for being 'douche-bags' and engaging in douche-bag like behavior. The ones with character choose the high road no matter who is tempting them. That's my observation. Because their self-worth doesn't come from sleeping with lots of people. 3
sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 There is a very high statistical probability that it is true, borne out by experiences of women the world over and by men's own statements here... which for all intents and purposes... makes it a 'fact'. No, really, it doesn't. I'm not sure that you're really in a position to speak on behalf of all women but I'm certain that you can't speak for all men. To say that men only want sex is false. Can you not see that? It's also not what was irking the OP, who was concerned specifically that the men she finds most interesting only want sex, and that there are some other men who want to be "serious" with her but she's not interested in those. Are you saying those other men don't exist? Or are you really saying that the reason the men she finds most interesting only want sex is because all men only want sex? Which would be a preposterous and somewhat misandrist position to take.
BluEyeL Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 The world is full of people who have character and don't need someone following them around all of the time making them so. Having character and a set of values is the hard path... and has nothing to do with the people around you. . I agree with this, it is very hard to stay true to your values, especially when they clash with the world around you. So yes, it kinda has something to do with the people around you (men and women, i never blame men in general, it's people). It is difficult to find that one that will complement you. Comes back to what I posted here first, it's going to take a LONG time for the OP (and me, and others) to find that one that has strong character, kindness, is attracted to us, and we are attracted to him. It's even harder if you are doing OLD, for a multitude of reasons.
edgygirl Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I personally feel that maybe taking the risk and sleeping with the guy you really have a connection with, even if chances are close to 100% that you'll end up heartbroken, might be best?? I mean, if you are really into somebody, at least you'll have that experience with them, rather than sleep with people you have no feelings for. You'll feel like **** anyway, no? It'll hurt much more this way, but isn't it more meaningful in a way? I know that for guys it doesn't matter, but I'm thinking it should be somewhat meaningful. I'm just rambling. Meaningful turns into awful hurt pretty quickly when someone who you thought you had connection with and is awesome disappears right after sex. Too much heartbreak and not worth it. Lesson learned. But perhaps it's a lesson one has to learn herself. I've followed your story so I understand that's something you haven't been through yet and it might sound tempting. But for me... Sex in between relationships should be only what it is - sex... supposed to make you feel calmer and not too edgy until you find someone really worth it. 1
BluEyeL Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Sex in between relationships should be only what it is - sex... supposed to make you feel calmer and not too edgy until you find someone really worth it. Is it really making you calmer ? Because I do need to calm down 1
JonasB Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 There is a very high statistical probability that it is true, borne out by experiences of women the world over and by men's own statements here... which for all intents and purposes... makes it a 'fact'. Or women could go for the men who don't push for sex quite as fast. However, like the OP, women aren't into those men. It isn't easy for men, either you push for sex too soon and you're seen as some kind of sex fiend or you wait one date too long and you're now her new best friend.
RedRobin Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Some find self-worth in denying sex, right RedRobin? I find self worth in denying sex to men who want to treat me like a receptacle. Absolutely. I've stopped feeling bad about myself that these men exist though... or feel like I've done anything to 'deserve' being treated like that.... when the truth is, this behavior makes up the vast, vast majority of single men... or in fact... a lot of men in general. F*ck first, ask questions later. Sure, there are a few women out there who share the same philosophy. That is what OLD is for, seems like. People who share that philosophy. It came as a shock to me at first, much like it is to the OP. That is the leap the OP hasn't taken yet. Realizing that their choices have nothing to do with her whatsoever. How could it? They are strangers. That's my advice. Just next them. No sense wondering why. Spend time cultivating connections with people IRL that can be validated. Easy. 2
CryForNoOne Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 No different than masturbating except most can't get in an argument with or feel used by themselves. The Catholic Church would like you to think otherwise...
ThaWholigan Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Well, this thread wasn't predictable at all . The beginning anyway..... Not all of us just want sex - but obviously some of the most notably attractive men who women would be attracted to tend to live with the sex and that's it. 1
PutARingOnIt Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Are you sure? Yes. I am shy and quiet, I don't dress slutty. When I meet guys my conversation isn't all about sex. I don't have a big ghetto booty. I don't know what it is.
PutARingOnIt Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I tried to edit my post to add that most of the guys I meet are taken already. It's like I have a "sidepiece" sign taped to my back that I don't know about. LOL
joystickd Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Yes. I am shy and quiet, I don't dress slutty. When I meet guys my conversation isn't all about sex. I don't have a big ghetto booty. I don't know what it is. What do you have to offer guys?
RedRobin Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Basing self-worth on sex whether in supplying or denial has lead to acute bitterness. Whatever.....
Seductive Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I would say ignore them and move on. I find that giving these situations attention and feeling as if that's all you can attract encourages the situation. Try to stay positive and know that you're capable of attracting a man that's serious about you. 2
Eggplant Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 It's always funny to see women create these kinds of threads here. Women really don't understand what "not having anybody interested" really means. So you're snidely laughing? Why post if you don't have anything helpful to say? Sounds as though you have a lot of anger and take pleasure at taking random shots.
Eggplant Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 LOL how did that post sound even remotely angry? Stop projecting. I surmised anger because you were making an attack. You said it was funny seeing women not understand what it means when they can't find dates, in response to another post saying that it usually means the women are undesirable. So you were laughing gleefully while making a mean, stabbing remark, which is an attack. The only motivation for an attack that I can think of is anger at something or other, as the OP wasn't provoking you in any way. If you weren't angry, then tomtucker, what was the motivation behind senselessly jabbing and not helping the OP? Why do you think "you're situation is funny" is a nice or helpful thing to say?
xxoo Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I haven't been single long, but making effort to move on by meeting new men. I am so cinfused. I am smart, successful, attractive, funny. But the men I find most interesting, only want sex. Even if I don't mention sex. I am 37 Is it my age? Never married, no kids. Do men think this screams desparation for a wedding ring and babies, putting me in the "sex only" category? I hate to say it. But it seems the only men who want to be serious with me, are the ones I am not that interested in. Feels like I can't win. Why is this?? So the men you want don't think you are good enough for them. And the men that want you, you don't think are good enough for you. If you want to understand the "why" of the first, examine the second. Why don't you want the guys who want you? Maybe it has some parallels for why the men you want don't want you. (wanting you for sex alone amounts to not wanting you. They want sex, not you.) 5
BluEyeL Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I'm a bit annoyed with this "why don't you want those who want you". I don't think we can really control who we are attracted to, no reason to feel guilty about it. If I can't picture myself kissing a guy, I'd be doing him no favors stringing him along. I think it's a matter of time and numbers/statistics until we find someone who we are attracted to and is attracted to us AND have similar values/goals, that's all. 1
Pillow Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 (edited) What do you have to offer guys? Ummm... why do you keep talking to her? I thought you only like white women?? The paler the better right? Why are you're so worried about her dating life? She doesn't have to explain herself to self-hating men anyway. Anyway, this only compounds itself when you get into gendered professions. With all the men in math and science classes and all the women in literature and language arts, there were no men in my language arts classes and I was a Spanish major, it's hard to do it socially too. Edited May 21, 2013 by Pillow
hppr Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I'm a bit annoyed with this "why don't you want those who want you". I don't think we can really control who we are attracted to, no reason to feel guilty about it. If I can't picture myself kissing a guy, I'd be doing him no favors stringing him along. I think it's a matter of time and numbers/statistics until we find someone who we are attracted to and is attracted to us AND have similar values/goals, that's all. I kinda disagree. A huge red flag is when people talk about how they can never ever get dates with the sort of person that they want yet the people they don't want are always coming on to them. When it comes to attraction yeah there are outliers but I really think that you 'attract who you are' sort of thing. So, you be what you want to attract. At least that is what I have found. Also, let's face facts...if it was a guy ranting about how only fat chicks wanted him and the hot girls didn't give him the time of day...yet he wasn't assertive, didn't want to be social, out of shape, didn't want to hit the gym etc...people would be making fun of him left and right. Just because people want to give the ladies a pass on something like that doesn't mean that life will give them a pass too. 1
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