billy565254 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 why is it everytime a gril and I are dating, I always think she will dump me? I replay every little thing I do then I nitpick and worry I somehow screwed up and she will dump me. Why do I do this?
tricolors Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 It's pretty natural, dude. We're all guilty of it, male and female.
soccerrprp Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 why is it everytime a gril and I are dating, I always think she will dump me? I replay every little thing I do then I nitpick and worry I somehow screwed up and she will dump me. Why do I do this? B/c you have been dumped in the past and are insecure about it now. You haven't had any closure, or explanation as to why previous relationships, dates have failed, so you start to think about any and everything you do AND probably, to protect yourself, you mentally prepare yourself for a let down. You know this is unhealthy and unhelpful. Try to learn from past relationships, but sometimes not a lot to learn from, so be aware that the next date is a new, fresh opportunity to impress, explore, engage. Not old...it's not your previous relationships, new slate, new opportunity. Good luck.
ChessPieceFace Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 why is it everytime a gril and I are dating, I always think she will dump me? I replay every little thing I do then I nitpick and worry I somehow screwed up and she will dump me. Why do I do this? Low self-esteem perhaps? Better change your attitudes, or they will soon cause what you fear.
Author billy565254 Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 yea i just need to play it cool and not worry
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I prefer George Foreman grills. They have hot racks. lol, nice one
Treasa Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 You have to get to a place where you're totally in love with yourself. I know it may sound a little weird, especially if you're really insecure (I was at one time), but when you get to the place where you realize that you already have everything you need within you, you won't worry about losing things as much. In turn, you'll become more confident and happy, which in turn will make people want to be around you more. I used to be like you. I really did. One day something snapped, and I haven't been that insecure,scared little girl anymore. I focused all of my love and all of my attention on me, and started being happy and being grateful for what I did have. Like attracts like. 1
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 you need to start worrying less about women, here’s the line up: - you worry about what / if women do or do not dio things, women see this, result no woman option: - you stop worrying what women will or wont do, women see you dont care, result, more likely to get woman. So less worry means more life means slightly high chance to get a woman, you win twice. Now getting you to do that, can be a HUGE problem. I used to be the same, now i don’t care, granted i am still singer and the only way i can get sex is to pay for it, however i have more guy toys now so way more happy than when i was worrying about what women did / did not do. I would think (hope) other women has a lesser view of me in the work place (i dont socialise so dont care about that), but i will never know, however judging by how happy they are talking to me now, i would think so.
apple OR orange Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 You have to get to a place where you're totally in love with yourself. Although this might be a very tiny part of it, this answer makes out its the ONLY thing you need to do, by far its not (99% of the time). I really love myself and what i have, still single no interest so the above will be a "i liked him because" not a "wow hes hot i must have him because" situation.
Treasa Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Well, you can only speak for yourself, not anyone else, same as I can. I love myself completely, and only in the last year have I realized that, and in doing so, I've lost all fear of ever being rejected. I'm perfectly happy being single for the rest of my life. If a guy doesn't enhance my life, he's out of there. 1
sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 why is it everytime a gril and I are dating, I always think she will dump me? I replay every little thing I do then I nitpick and worry I somehow screwed up and she will dump me. Why do I do this? Because you think that it reflects badly on you if she does this, or that it represents failure on your part. Consider instead that it's normal for "dating" to fail to result in a long-term relationship (or whatever your goal might be) and then you might worry about that less and enjoy dating the woman more. 1
pcplod Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 why is it everytime a gril and I are dating, I always think she will dump me? I replay every little thing I do then I nitpick and worry I somehow screwed up and she will dump me. Why do I do this? Unfortunately, you don't deal well with rejection and endings, but, hey, none of us do. Frankly, even though it may seem masochistic in the extreme, we have to learn for our own benefit that it is not, nor ever is going to be, a life-ending event. Now, if you are married, on a bit in years, have kids and have either actual or potential financial liabilities then you are far more entitled to feel that your head and your heart have been well and truly f**ked over. But often it is a situation of your own making so you have to be philosophical about it and just accept it for what it is and deal with it. There are really very few other choices and they are all ugly and unappealing.
JonasB Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Because the vast majority of relationships are ended by women. Men, by the way, are afraid of commitment. Just so you know.
carhill Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 why is it everytime a gril and I are dating, I always think she will dump me? I replay every little thing I do then I nitpick and worry I somehow screwed up and she will dump me. Why do I do this? Anxious-preoccupied attachment style? 1
sillyanswer Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Professor Carhill knows all the fancy names for these things.
carhill Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Attachment styles were a part of our work in MC. OP probably has some FOO issues to work through. Usually, the roots of relationship insecurity can be found in FOO socialization and/or peer integration history.
monkey00 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 B/c you have been dumped in the past and are insecure about it now. You haven't had any closure, or explanation as to why previous relationships, dates have failed, so you start to think about any and everything you do AND probably, to protect yourself, you mentally prepare yourself for a let down. You know this is unhealthy and unhelpful. Try to learn from past relationships, but sometimes not a lot to learn from, so be aware that the next date is a new, fresh opportunity to impress, explore, engage. Not old...it's not your previous relationships, new slate, new opportunity. Good luck. I agree with this. I've seen and been with people who have been dumped or hurt in the past - those are the ones who are likely paranoid about being dumped in their current relationships and are more insecure. Try not to worry so much.. Insecurity is a turn off and is more than likely to get you dumped.
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