dicky_fish Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Well it's been a while since I posted on here, but last night I had a little bit of a set back that warrants a post. Last night was officially the two year mark of my break up so to celebrate I went out to a big rock/metal event with the one friend who was always there for me during my dark times. But we were in there barely 10 minutes and who should I spot in the crowd but my ex! My friend dragged me out into the smoking area to stop me from doing anything stupid. I was shaking with rage and I just didn't know what to do, but after talking it out we came to the conclusion that I should confront her otherwise I'd regret it. So I walked out onto the dance floor and found my ex, stood in front her, looked her in the eyes (if looks could kill...) and walked away from her and left the building. I had a mini breakdown outside the club but my friend took care of me, then a few minutes later my ex starts texting me asking me why I didn't talk to her! In all I'm really proud of how I handled the situation. My night was ruined the moment I saw her so, and considering the significance of the date I couldn't let her get away without seeing the new me that doesn't need her, and I did look amazing last night. I haven't seen my ex since the break up so it was one hell of a shock, and of all the nights to see her it had to be last night! Felt like fate was playing a really sick joke on me. Couple of puzzlers though. Why was she there in the first place? She lives a hundred miles away and I didn't recognise any of the people she was with. Also why on earth does she still have my mobile number? I deleted hers ages ago. I'm not trying to read into anything but something just didn't add up.
aisuru Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Wow. What aren't you over re: this girl? I have been through some fantastic breakups and ironically have seen pretty much every ex again after the breakup, in various situations. I never had that type of reaction so I'm sorry I cannot relate. That's what gets me through this current breakup. I know it gets better and one day I just won't care.
TaraMaiden Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 what a waste of 2 years.... If after all this time, seeing your ex- by chance has this effect on you, then I really think you should seek some serious counselling. To permit someone's presence to influence you in this way, is frankly incredible. This is not her doing. This is your doing. You perpetuate the anger, rage, 'kill' factor - in your mind. Seriously, with all the kindness in the world, What she does, where she goes, who she's with, why she's anywhere, is absolutely completely and totally irrelevant. It doesn't matter. You really shouldn't care at all, one way or another. When you hate to this extent, you carry someone within your heart, as intently and fiercely as if you loved them, with all your heart. The worrying factor is that you're still so hung up on it. I don't think you handled the situation well at all. Handling the situation well, would have been seeing her, signalling a brief 'hi' and then continuing to enjoy your evening.... And it shows how far she has moved on, when she asks why the hell you didn't talk to her... I'd be puzzled too. 2
TaraMaiden Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 I subsequently took a look at your thread history... And to be honest, I can't see anything desperately nasty, incriminating, cruel or vindictive your ex- did. I was desperately looking for any fundamental reason for your look of hatred, and - you know what? - it was just a break-up... But it's clear from posts then and now that 'getting over it once and for all' is not something you're finding easy (understatement). You don't actually seem to have moved on emotionally, at all. Your avatar is just the same - depressing and downward-looking.... Really, I would reiterate my advice. You seriously need therapy. And I truly mean that kindly. 1
BigTuna Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Yeah man, your reaction suggests that you haven't moved past this at all. & I mean that with the greatest of respect. I'm going through exactly the same thing, albeit I've only been broken up 6 months. But I'm seriously considering counselling, even if I here my ex's name I slide into a depression
BustedUpInside Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Wow, I can't just imagine how shocking that must of been. I am not sure that I could just walk away without saying something crazy. I know that a lot of people on here will criticize you for not "being over" your ex after two years, but if I am not mistaken, that wasn't what was going on. From your words, it seems like the problem wasn't that you wanted to get back together or have a major confrontation or something, but more like you expected to never have to see this person again and then there they are. At a fun event, exactly where you would never expect them to show up. I know that it would definitely throw me for a loop, but I guess the only thing to do is to forget about it. My vote is that it was a coincidence, and your ex probably was just callous and so didn't see the need to delete your phone number because they never felt the urge to call like you may have. You will just have to chalk this one up to an unpleasant twist of fate and keep moving. Too bad about the scare though, but good job on not causing an embarrassing scene 1
Author dicky_fish Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 (edited) I know I shouldn't have reacted in the way I did and I've called my old therapist to get me back sorting this out cause there's clearly something underlying. After a day of pondering it (and to answer some of the comments here) I think it's because I consider myself a very average person who aspires high but isn't good enough to meet them. Never really been happy or felt I fit in anywhere, apart from when I met her. I felt invincible with her because for once someone actually believed in me, found me sexy, and loved me. Then she broke that by hurting me in the worst way possible. I told her plenty of times that the worst thing she could ever do to me is cheat on me (and she gave me an STD to boot). It was my problem, I placed too much in her, but before I went into therapy I descended into madness trying to make her feel as badly as she made me feel, suicide attempts and everything. But I finally accepted that she wasn't coming back and to rebuild myself. But the basis of this rebuild was that I never wanted to see her again, because as much as I grew; I resented her for making do it in the first place. BustedUpInside has more or less hit the nail on the head, but yes there's still something that is stopping me from moving on. For instance; I've been single ever since but have been with a few girls for one night stands and things, but the over-riding thought with any of them has been that they're not my ex. As for my avatar: I haven't changed it because I don't use this site very often so I don't give it a second thought. Edited May 21, 2013 by dicky_fish 1
crazy1234 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Well it's been a while since I posted on here, but last night I had a little bit of a set back that warrants a post. Last night was officially the two year mark of my break up so to celebrate I went out to a big rock/metal event with the one friend who was always there for me during my dark times. But we were in there barely 10 minutes and who should I spot in the crowd but my ex! My friend dragged me out into the smoking area to stop me from doing anything stupid. I was shaking with rage and I just didn't know what to do, but after talking it out we came to the conclusion that I should confront her otherwise I'd regret it. So I walked out onto the dance floor and found my ex, stood in front her, looked her in the eyes (if looks could kill...) and walked away from her and left the building. I had a mini breakdown outside the club but my friend took care of me, then a few minutes later my ex starts texting me asking me why I didn't talk to her! In all I'm really proud of how I handled the situation. My night was ruined the moment I saw her so, and considering the significance of the date I couldn't let her get away without seeing the new me that doesn't need her, and I did look amazing last night. I haven't seen my ex since the break up so it was one hell of a shock, and of all the nights to see her it had to be last night! Felt like fate was playing a really sick joke on me. Couple of puzzlers though. Why was she there in the first place? She lives a hundred miles away and I didn't recognise any of the people she was with. Also why on earth does she still have my mobile number? I deleted hers ages ago. I'm not trying to read into anything but something just didn't add up. hey..its okay to feel this way...and gradually u'll get over it..i saw my ex with his new girl(the girl he left me for) few days ago..worst part he lives in my road!!..so i get these little panic attacks and know exactly what you mean..it'll get better with time..take deep breaths and tell yourself you'r going to be okay.
shayla Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 It took me every bit of 2 years to get over my breakup, and at times I still get angry about it. I was treated very badly, and even with therapy, it took me that long. Don't let anyone shame you for not getting over it fast enough for them. Some people take longer to heal. No two people are the same. I am sure that therapy will help, and there is work you can do to help yourself feel better. Good luck. 1
heartshapedrocks Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 It took me every bit of 2 years to get over my breakup, and at times I still get angry about it. I was treated very badly, and even with therapy, it took me that long. Don't let anyone shame you for not getting over it fast enough for them. Some people take longer to heal. No two people are the same. I am sure that therapy will help, and there is work you can do to help yourself feel better. Good luck. exactly. sorry that happened & sounds like you have a game plan to check in with your therapist. Hang in there
lovesickmonkey Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) Two years for me. It was extremely difficult for me so I have a lot in common with this man. And I'm angry when I think how consumed I still am after 2 years (this week). But I have progressed since then rather than stayed still. I've done a LOT of re-examining and trying to integrate what happened into a new "past" for myself. I realize how uneven the game is. She probably very seldom thinks about me and if she does it's with little romantic feelings, I'm sure. I try to remember that because it really is time she moved out of my head, not having paid rent for so long. Edited May 23, 2013 by lovesickmonkey 2
Recommended Posts