McDonald Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 Hey LS Damn what's it been, almost 6 months? Well I've been doing well... Until last night. So my ex, she hated the fact that I was in a fraternity. Despised Greek life etc. so, I'm upset that I'm staying in last night, because for some reason I get upset when I'm alone. And suddenly I get a text from a mutual friend. My Ex's old roomate. She sent me a screen shot of my Ex's Instagram. It was apic of my ex at a frat foam party. Now--- the reason why I'm upset is because it's like a slap in my face. I know she has change. Trying new things Etc. but all throughout our relationship she constantly said how much she hated partying and fraternities and soriority girls. But now she's partying at a frat house? It's a low blow. Idk. And she's out and I'm staying in? It's like my life flipped with hers. And she has a boyfriend while I'm stuck here. I deleted her from Instagram so I wouldn't she pics like this. But I see them anyway because of people not thinking I'm still hurt.... What a setback. I haven't felt like this for awhile? Or maybe I'm just creating this feeling and I'm actually alright? Man life is crazy. This is crazy. I wish I could flick a switch like her. Well Kendrick Lamar is performing at my school today, I guess one thing to look forward too.
BustedUpInside Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 That really sucks! Just remember that everyone's life looks exciting on social media sites. I am sure she is not having the time of her life all the time. It is good to stay in occasionally and you shouldn't think of it like she is cool and fun now and you aren't. Finally, don't worry about what she likes or doesn't like now. Who cares? Once she decided not to be in a relationship with you, all her judgements became immediately suspect and so she cannot be trusted in making good decisions based on personal opinions.
Author McDonald Posted May 19, 2013 Author Posted May 19, 2013 Yea very true. I shouldn't care what she is doing. I tjust feels like a slap in the face a bit.
BustedUpInside Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 Yes, it definitely hurts. I didn't mean to imply that you should just get over it. It is really hard to think that somebody can just move on and that there life is great without you because it doesn't seem fair that they get to hurt you, and then also get to win at life. What I really meant is that you can't trust what you are seeing on these sites. She may be posting stuff just to rub it in, or even to make herself feel better, to prove that she really is getting over you, or to inflate the new boyfriend's ego so he doesn't get jealous of you. Whatever the motivation, she would probably never tell you the truth and so you won't ever really know for sure. You can only go by what you KNOW to be true. That is, you are better off without her. A small setback definitely doesn't mean that you aren't recovering nicely. Finally, you are a good person and deserve to live a full life with someone who respects you and treats you nicely. Those are the true things that you KNOW for sure. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon
Author McDonald Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 Yea. It could all be a false front. But it doesn't matter what the intentions are it no longer concerns me. However today didn't get any better ---- At the concert I of course run into her and her new bf. she says hi and I say hi. Then she walks away. If it was 3 months ago.. I would have completely broken down. Last year at the shook concert, we spent the whole time together. Now she was there with him. Idk how a persons brain can work like that. How is she not thinkin about the last time? Is it cause she has a replacement now? And I won't realize it until I found someone else? Idk that's over thinking it. I just wish I hadn't seen her today with the new guy. It just hurts, but I'm doing fine. Better than I thought
Author McDonald Posted May 20, 2013 Author Posted May 20, 2013 yea Im not sure exactly why she sent it... I think she thought i was over it more so than I really am. It was meant to hurt me... but IT was something I could do without. Now, idk today I feel pretty low. I havent felt like this for a few months. Though saying hi to eachother was the best outcome of the situation... I still feel pretty bad. Like, I could have done something else? something else thourghout this whole process? I dont want to start second guessing my NC... but sometimes it feels like I could do something different. what am I sayinggg?? LS Im going backwards.
california15 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) No you're not going backwards - don't let yourself think that. most of us have experienced bumps along the way - occasional run-ins, contact with the ex, social media updates about the ex - you're not the only one. Just keep focusing on yourself, your healing, and moving on. These bumps can almost be expected after a BU, and you can gather strength from them ("hey I survived the last hiccup, this is nothing") and continue moving on. Over time, their importance will diminish and they won't seem like such a big deal. Keep doing what you're doing - you said you haven't felt like this for months, so apparently whatever you did between then and now was helping. You're in a different place now than on day 1, yes? Yes. Don't let a little bump have you second guessing things. (especially NC) I mean, if you ask yourself logically, what could YOU have done to prevent ANOTHER's actions? Absolutely nothing. You can only control your reaction to them. It's a waste of your time and energy trying to do "what ifs" and think of ways you could or could not have done something so someone else could or could not have done something. They're their own person making their own decisions and so are you. That being said, I hope you decide to push through this hiccup; Its just going to bog you down negatively thinking like this. So chin up and keep on keeping on. Edited May 20, 2013 by california15
Author McDonald Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Thanks so much for your responses. Yes I am in a MUCH better place than day 1. What I have been doing is NC. Hhaving her out of my life seems like it's the only way I can move on. Any type of contact, even a simple hi, sets me back a bit like this. But your right though it set me back a tad, I didnt keep going backwards. It's just all weird now. Like I'm over it, but parts of me don't want to be over it now. Because it's what I was used too. And when I see them together, or a pic of them at a party, it's all slaps in the face becau of what she told me about hating parties, greekv life for example... Now she goes to the parties with him? Idk.
Author McDonald Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Shameless bump. That was one rollarcoaster of a weekend. I realize that I make things bigger than they actually are. I do this to keep something alive that is no longer there. At least, that's what I used to do as I have Been doing good up until this weekend. I think I flipped out because I finally had something to flip out about. It's been about 3 months of nothing happening in terms of BU drama. So a chance to ... I guess... To Create some, and I did. So I'm learning. Learning that there's nothing I can do. Begging, pleading, trying to show her how much I cared. None of it will change her mind, but even more so, no of it matters anymore. I'm pretty much there LS. I just have to now stop TRYING to create drama, because sadly, it's something that I'm used to. As being over it is a a whole, weird, uncomfortable feeling all in its own.
Author McDonald Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Almost hooked up with two 4th years in college last night. I'm a 2nd year. Kinda strange. Ending up making out with a different girl at the party. I sound like Cav! Haha Idk if its helping me or Not. It well, fu*k it.
Lost_Soul_86 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I'm sorry i see this a lot on this forum, excuse my ignorance but i'm from Australia and would like to know what the hell a fraternity and soriority is? I suppose this question is on the same par as an American asking me if Aussies ride kangaroos to school isn't it?
rricardo35 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 lol Fraternity is a brotherhood, club or organization of men. Sorority is the same with females.
Author McDonald Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 I'm sorry i see this a lot on this forum, excuse my ignorance but i'm from Australia and would like to know what the hell a fraternity and soriority is? I suppose this question is on the same par as an American asking me if Aussies ride kangaroos to school isn't it? Dont worry Your not being ignorant at all. Ricardo hit is spot on. They're the houses with Greek letters on them at college universities. I'm not sure if Australian universities have them or not. ----
Lost_Soul_86 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Hmmm definitely don't have anything like that here! Thanks for the insight
TaraMaiden Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Shameless bump. That was one rollarcoaster of a weekend. I realize that I make things bigger than they actually are. I do this to keep something alive that is no longer there. At least, that's what I used to do as I have Been doing good up until this weekend. I think I flipped out because I finally had something to flip out about. It's been about 3 months of nothing happening in terms of BU drama. So a chance to ... I guess... To Create some, and I did. So I'm learning. Learning that there's nothing I can do. Begging, pleading, trying to show her how much I cared. None of it will change her mind, but even more so, no of it matters anymore. I'm pretty much there LS. I just have to now stop TRYING to create drama, because sadly, it's something that I'm used to. As being over it is a a whole, weird, uncomfortable feeling all in its own. Funny you should say that: Read THIS thread....
Author McDonald Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Funny you should say that: Read THIS thread.... I already have checked that out. Its funny, really. How we can create things out of something. How we can blow things up to something much larger than what it really is. Or is it, it was big a one point and seeing it die down scares us. So, we keep it going, by filling in the blanks with allusions. We say that the ex is making us do it... making us think like that, but really, we are just doing it ourselves. If we could just shut it off, then we wouldnt have any problems. WE could end it... this website wouldn't exist. sadly though, thats not how it works. For me, I like having the last word. Something I have to learn how to control. For instance, when she pictured th foam party pic, I made a FB status saying "I thought you hated parties". I realized it was immature, so deleted it.. but too late. She then unfollowed me from instagram. IDK why she was still following me 5 months later... and her unfollowing me did bother me, because I guess I still had expectations. however, it should have been an ohwell... its normal breakup stuff... but no, I created it, made it something bigger than what it was. AND I do recognize that its me doing it, not her, not my brain alone, because I control it. might have went a little of subject :/
TaraMaiden Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Au contraire. I think you're now actually focusing and seeing the 'problem' for what it is. Well done.
Author McDonald Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Thank you. It means a lot, really because it has taken so longg to get here. Now the question is, how do I confront the problem and how do I got about controlling it? Or is it as simple as 'just control the thought'
TaraMaiden Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Yes, precisely that, it IS as simple as "just control the thought." Of course, 'simple' doesn't mean 'easy'. You have to quit 'snowballing'. Do you know what that is? (I forget; I've told so many people, I may be repeating myself! )
Author McDonald Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Yes, precisely that, it IS as simple as "just control the thought." Of course, 'simple' doesn't mean 'easy'. You have to quit 'snowballing'. Do you know what that is? (I forget; I've told so many people, I may be repeating myself! ) I assume its one thing leadin to another, and then another... Like a snowball goin down a hill? Because that is what basically happens--- A run in leads to me wondering if I should have said more, which leads to me talking to everyone about it, leads to me posting a status, etc etc. sounds crazy-- because it is lol. Yet, I'm so used to it... That when given the oppritunity to 'snowball', I do it. Fully attentative to my actions and the reprocutions, I do it anyway. Almost the definition of insanity, yet I expect the same outcome each time lol
Author McDonald Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 my roomate just moved out since he finished this semester early. He goes to the community college so they get out earlier then the University. Its sad because ever since the BU, he has been the one to get me to go out, to create the parties and introduce me to girls. Now, --I guess the snowball effect is happening. Im blaming the BU for everything that has happened in terms of everything leaving my life. but thats not true I need to be able to create my own happiness and not rely on others. 1
Author McDonald Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 Another thing now that I realized. I'm putting too much pressure on myself to find another girl. I feel like I failed if I didn't meet a new girl. Maybe it's my lack of a rebound for 5 months. It is very fusterating and it doesn't help that At sometimes, I don't even talk to any of them. Idk lol basically I just said that I don't want to talk to girls, I just want them to come to me. We all know that, that is not how it works
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