GBoutte24 Posted May 19, 2013 Posted May 19, 2013 My wife and I have been married for 18 months and she recently left to go spend the week at a friend's house. She said she needs time and space to think about what she wants. She said she is very unhappy in general and needs to figure out how to make herself happy and not rely on other people. Meanwhile I have a six year old son from a previous relationship, however, his mother bailed on us when he was only months old so he only knows my current wife as his mom. We talked before she left today and she had her wedding ring on and it was a decent talk considering the circumstances. We have been to one marriage counseling session and we have one set up for later this month. I 100% want this to work out. I love her to death but I didn't notice all of her pleas for attention before. Once the wake up call of this happened I have treated her like the best thing in the world for the last month. However, she stated she put up a wall before and is having a hard time taking it down even with all the effort she sees from me. How should I approach this?
worldgonewrong Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 1. Find out if she's cheating. The oldest chestnut in the book is "I need time and space to think about what I want", and meanwhile... 2. Don't beg, plead, whine, or anything. Look up the 180 on this forum. It's a valuable list of directives. 1
robfos Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I faced a similar situation. We were only married 11 months and I found out she was cheating on me. After I found out she started blaming me for all kinds of things that she never talked to me about. I know it was partly blame to me for not seeing the issues, but at the same time, I could not read her mind. From reading through the forums here it seems the biggest issue is communication. If I had known about the issues my wife was having I could have helped resolve them, but she didn't even tell me about them. Maybe she didn't think I could solve them, who knows. All I know is where I am at now and in any future relationship I am going to make communication my highest priority. 2
trippi1432 Posted May 20, 2013 Posted May 20, 2013 I faced a similar situation. We were only married 11 months and I found out she was cheating on me. After I found out she started blaming me for all kinds of things that she never talked to me about. I know it was partly blame to me for not seeing the issues, but at the same time, I could not read her mind. From reading through the forums here it seems the biggest issue is communication. If I had known about the issues my wife was having I could have helped resolve them, but she didn't even tell me about them. Maybe she didn't think I could solve them, who knows. All I know is where I am at now and in any future relationship I am going to make communication my highest priority. robofos - I like this because of your second paragraph, communication is fundamental and two (TWO) people have to be able to do that. OP, my ex-SO was conflict-avoidant. I generally knew when he was unhappy, could read it and would question it. He always deflected that it wasn't me that made him unhappy, it was where he was in life. It was his internal happiness that was the issue. "She said she needs time and space to think about what she wants. She said she is very unhappy in general and needs to figure out how to make herself happy and not rely on other people." You say she is the only mother your son has known, how do they get along, what are the stress levels concerning the child, did she fall in love with the kid and not the dad? Did she fall in love with the dad and not the kid? How did the two of you get along in regards to your son? From what she said in the quotes above, she's actually right. But it sounds to me like she feels defeated on figuring out her happiness. I don't think she's having an affair, it's sounds reconcilable if you both get on the same page on the relationship and the child.
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